I really can’t bring myself to dedicate too many words to Roland Emmerich’s upcoming 2012; I already came up with the perfect disaster movie idea in my previous post about it. There’s just nothing to say when you watch a clip that cannot be taken seriously on any level. There’s no way this movie is meant to be anything but 100% hilarious, and that’s an achievement when you’re dealing with the supposed end of civilization and billions of people dying. Where else can you watch people race an earthquake? Where else can you witness a plane fly through skyscrapers leaning on each other? Congrats, Roland Emmerich, you’ve done it again.
Fangraphs has come out with an iPhone app. Oh. My. God.
- Live win probability and win probability graphs.
- Live box score and play-by-play data.
- Basic/Advanced/Value stats for any baseball player.
- Minor league stats.
- Historical game data going back to 1974.
Fuck me in the ass, holy shit. Just look at this beautiful stuff:
I just came in my nerd pants. How much is an iPhone again? I need 24/7 access to baseball stats in such a pretty and informative package!
I hate Warming Glow for subjecting me to this video, so I have to at least try to ruin a few other people’s lives. Seeing some guy dressed up a half-human, half-horse hybrid was something I was not expecting when I woke up today. I don’t even want the screencap used for the YouTube video to be on my front page, so the embedded video is after the jump. Furries would be the creepiest people on earth if it weren’t for pedophiles.
Tom Brady and the Patriots are old and busted. The Jets are the new hotness. First-place, bitches!
Unfortunately, I definitely did not watch the game as closely as I should have. I was too busy posting in football threads on the internet, and keeping tabs on my fantasy football teams and my H2H fantasy baseball team. That’s a lot of work! I can’t spend all my time just lying on the couch actually watching an entire football game. So I’ll do what I do best — post stats.
Not bad. Not bad at all. Let’s just ignore the two fumbles.
But Sanchez really isn’t the reason the Jets won today. The defense was definitely the star, making Brady look like total shit. Maybe Brady could have done that himself, since he doesn’t look like he’s back in sync with the offense yet, but major credit has to go to any defense that keeps the Patriots to 9 points. This is just what I needed to jump on the Jets bandwagon! Not that I wasn’t already a Jets fan, but I haven’t actually invested much time following the team for years. Favre wasn’t enough last year, since he was an incredibly old and I hated his guts for being such a selfish douchebag. Now with a new non-overhyped coach, and a young, impressive QB, I just might be down for watching every game this season. Now I need a certain friend to talk to me about football so I can sound more informed.
I still can’t believe that Sanchez is younger than me. The starting QB of my favorite NFL team was born after me. I am officially old now.
Even though the YouTube link says it was a school performance, this is actually from some orchestra that was intentionally bad, or avant-garde, or something. I think those two are interchangeable for the most part, anyway.
Oh wait, according to this Wikipedia entry for Portsmouth Sinfonia, they were just all non-musicians, or had to play an instrument they didn’t know. Yep, still not getting it. I just know it’s fucking hilarious.
I can’t believe this freakish-looking piece of skinny garbage. He just choked in the fantasy equivalent of Game 7 of the World Series (not to mention the real-life implications). I WAS WINNING ALL WEEK AND YOU BLEW IT. Since the Mets didn’t provide me with a last-day collapse for the third straight year, I guess my fantasy team had to fill in.
I went into the day leading 5-4 in my Head-to-Head league in the matchup for the championship. With extremely modest leads in R, HR, and RBI, I figured I couldn’t count on winning those categories, so I needed to start Scott Baker, even if he hurt my ERA lead. I figured he would give me some strikeouts and possibly a win — the category that was tied going into the day. I wasn’t even concerned about Lincecum. I figured he would give me a bunch of Ks, help my ERA, and also possibly give me a win. The only starter going for my opponent? Ubaldo Jimenez. A decent pitcher, actually, but I didn’t think he’d end up with as many Ks as Baker and Lincecum combined. Or end up with a win while neither of my starters did. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!
Why did you have to destroy my fantasy life, Timmy? After Baker put up a shitty performance, I still wasn’t worried, since I figured you’d at the very least give me the win for Ks. But no, you had to pitch 4 innings, let up 5 ER, and only notch THREE measly fucking strikeouts. Baker had five! And I didn’t even end up losing the ERA battle by much — 3.69 to 3.81. IF ONLY YOU SUCKED MARGINALLY LESS I HAD THE CHAMPIONSHIP LOCKED UP!! Fuck this shit, give the Cy Young to Adam Wainwright or Chris Carpenter. Just drop it in the Cardinals’ clubhouse and let them have a ping-pong tournament for it or something. Wainwright just had 10 Ks tonight. That’s a Cy Young award winner, asshole. I can’t believe I voted for you in my poll.
And anyone who wants to criticize me for starting Baker: Fuck you. I explained my reasoning, and besides — if I left him on the bench and he had an awesome start, and I had lost one or two of those aforementioned offensive categories resulting in an overall loss, I would’ve been kicking myself right now. It’s much more fun ripping apart Lincecum for the stupidest reason ever. What a fucking loser. HAVE FUN MAKING COMMERCIALS DURING THE PLAYOFFS, DICKWAD.
It pains me to type that, since Utley plays for the motherfucking Phillies, but the guy is just a phenomenal baseball player. And there’s too much to like about him, as opposed to the other douchebags on his team. Shane Victorino is a little piece of shit Hawaiian who plays dirty; Jimmy Rollins runs his mouth and wins MVPs due to it, even when he doesn’t deserve it; Ryan Howard is an overrated slugger who strikes out on a lefty slider seemingly every time I see him at the plate; and Brett Myers beats his wife and puts his kid in a Confederate flag shirt.
I’m sad that Fangraphs already beat me to this post, but I already had the idea in my head when I remembered the article. Yes, it’s only from 10 days ago, fuck you I’m going ahead with it. Albert Pujols might be the most insane hitter on the planet, and also the best player period, but Chase Utley is right there behind him. Utley might not be what you’d refer to as a “five-tool player”, but fuck if he doesn’t do everything you’d ever want a player to do on the baseball field. He even looks like an old-school baseball player while he does it. (a.k.a. white!)
I just alluded to too much British blog material in my last post, and now I’m posting another thing from the UK. I don’t listen to myself. I was considering a few other songs from the same album, Sleeping with Ghosts, but none of them would have allowed me to have such fun with the title of the blog post. I’m surprised I never bothered to listen to Placebo before, because they seem like a natural progression from quite a few bands I already listen to — namely Muse (even though I don’t like their new album). I probably meant to check them out for a while, especially since now I recall Last.fm throwing their songs up occasionally when I listened to “Muse radio.” I just needed a nudge while I was in (where else?) London. Anyhow, they don’t usually rock out like the instrumental in this post, but I enjoy Sleeping With Ghosts quite a bit.
The NFL season started a week ago and I haven’t even made a post about it. Instead, I’m making posts about tennis. Not to mention that before that I made a post about London and followed it up with a series of Muse posts (a British band). How un-American am I?
I don’t even remember how much football I actually watched. I definitely had the Jets-Texans game on for a bit, but for the most part, I’ll admit that I missed Mark Sanchez lighting up the Houston defense. Then on Monday I had the Patriots-Bills game on, and with 5 minutes left and a two-possession lead, I thought that maybe the Bills actually would win the game. The next time I looked up from the book I was reading, the Patriots were winning by one fucking point with 30 seconds left. The Jets could have had the best Week 1 possible, what with a win and impressive Sanchez performance, and a Patriots loss on top of that — but no, the Bills had to choke that shit away by fumbling a kickoff return instead of downing it in the end zone. I guess they thought it was an early 90s Super Bowl or something.
The only other notable thing I actually saw live was the ending to that Broncos-Bengals game. That would only happen to the Bengals.
So yeah, this post fucking sucks. I’m shocked you actually read this far.
Perhaps I should address the title of this post. I will definitely watch Mark Sanchez Futureâ„¢ battle the Anti-Christ Tom Brady this Sunday, considering it’s always a huge game. Maybe I’ll actually have insight to share after keenly watching the game. And by keenly watching, I mean having the game on the background while I do some other bullshit. Or sleep.
I swear to God, I go all-out with a post declaring your greatness, and you repay me by losing to some 20-year-old giant. Who the fuck is Juan Martin Del Potro? What the flying fuck was that 5th set, anyway? That was just goddamn embarrassing. Did you need some more oil in your gears? Did your neural net processor malfunction? You double-faulted on deuce! DAMN IT!
This is what I get for betraying Rafael Nadal. I want Nadal to start making you cry again next year, please. I guess you only use your tear ducts when you get beaten by a Spaniard, since Del Potro didn’t make you bring on the waterworks. I can’t believe this shit. I specifically remember last night writing “I have little doubt that Fed will go on to win the U.S. Open tomorrow,” but then I changed it to “no doubt,” because how could there be any doubt when Federer’s the best at anything ever? You Swiss bastard.
I guess you got a new trophy today, though. You never got that runner-up U.S. Open trophy. That’s a positive, right? Another piece of silverware to add to the massive collection. I hope you get used to it, old man. Nadal and Del Potro are going to be on your ass next year. Del Potro possibly even moreso, considering the 6’6′ Argentinian isn’t even 21 years old yet. He’s going to smash that forehand down your throat. He dismantled two of the greatest tennis players ever in back-to-back days with that booming shot. On the other hand, one was hurt and the other played like shit. I’ll try not to get too excited, like I stupidly did when Novak Djokovic won the Australian Open last year.
You know, if I actually had one.
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