The two things I spent too much time playing today.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that the former was the more rewarding of the two. Even if my score on the front nine today is worthy of an Obama-esque Special Olympics joke, I managed to recover with a somewhat less embarrassing back nine, due to some tips from a 50-something, pot-smoking, teenage prostitute-fucking guy (no, not Lawrence Taylor). He presented his listening to System of a Down, Bush, and Green Day as evidence of his coolness. That was adorably sad.
Meanwhile, my Starcraft II playing experience tonight was all downhill after a first match in which one of my two opponents quickly disconnected, and by the end I had remembered why I hadn’t played the beta in over a month. My partner and I lost to a pair of apparent 5-year-olds who took 15 minutes to figure out how to build a unit other than a Zergling. I also tried to mass Stalkers in another game and was subsequently shit on like the Liberal Democrats in the UK election tonight.
By why connect these two games in one blog post, other than the fact they shared the privilege of wasting my time today? Because they are both perfect examples of love-hate relationships. Although, the balance with regards to golf tips much more towards love than with SC2. I’m sure if Kim Jong Il ever tried playing the game against a South Korean, he’d end up getting so pissed that he’d nuke his southern neighbor into oblivion. I know if *I* had a nuke, I would probably launch it to let off some steam after losing to a Zergling rush.
But I get pissed while playing golf too. After my first four holes this afternoon, I wanted to be smash my entire bag of clubs while being instantaneously teleported off the goddamn golf course. I didn’t care that I had paid for 18 holes, if I could have been off the course and in my room with a snap of my fingers, I would have done it. I probably lost more balls in massive fields of beach grass in the first three holes than I had the half dozen or so times I’d already played golf this year. It was fucking bullshit.
The problem was overthinking just about every part of my game. Trying to do what I was practicing at the driving range a couple of days ago with my massive driver. Making sure not to be aiming right because some video I watched said that most people end up aiming right when they think they are aiming straight. Focusing on not suing my arms and wrists to putt, but my shoulders and body.
I guess that’s the opposite problem of the one I have with Starcraft II. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and I end not expanding quick enough and not scouting and not suing all my resources and not upgrading my units and Jesus Christ I need to be clicking and hitting keys 100 times a minute. Oh wait, that’s still too slow.
While I’ve watched a bunch of videos recently with regards to golf and they’ve screwed me up by getting in my head so much, ending up with me shooting a dozen strokes higher than the first time I played 18 holes this year, I refuse to watch Starcraft videos or replays because, really, there’s a limit to how much I’m willing to waste my time. Sure, I’ll watch a four-minute video remix of Arnold saying “Put the cookie down” in Jingle All The Way, but at least that is ridiculously entertaining in and of itself. Watching some other dude’s build order in Starcraft II isn’t particularly exciting or amusing. And it’s only enlightening with regards to a computer game that I will not be playing in 5 years, unlike the other game in this post, which I will playing (hopefully) for another 50. And yes, golf is a game. It’s not a fucking sport, no matter what Wikipedia might say.
But the high points in both games make them worthwhile. Sure, I may have to point for seemingly the 100th time to a 3v3 game in the original Starcraft where I committed genocide with Siege Tanks, but it really was immensely satisfying. Now, with golf? The high points with that are still spaced out a bit too much, and usually tempered by a missed putt, but they are still there. I had a four-foot putt for birdie today after a perfect pitch. I felt so awesome. Until I missed that putt. Just hitting great drives on back-to-back holes is a victory that I’ll take nowadays.
Ultimately, it’s all about progress. With my round of golf today, I may have had a bad 18 holes overall, but I picked up some things — like shorter backswings on pitches and chips and putts — that will only help me in the long run. With my four matches of Starcraft II, I learned nothing. And I didn’t get five hours of sun either. Man, fuck you, Blizzard. Your game just pisses me off, yet I’m going to end up buying it and playing it anyway.
I’ve ripped on Francisco Rodriguez and his contract before, referencing his depressingly awful trend lines, showing that he’s only getting worse — while getting paid progressively more. Unfortunately, I can do practically the same thing for Johan Santana.
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