Somewhat Manly Nerd

Unfortunately, the Phillies won — but who didn’t think they would win the opening game with Hamels starting? If the Brewers lose tomorrow with C.C. starting, I’m fucked. But the Cubs lost in embarrassing fashion, so that was fun. It looked good until about halfway through the game, when Ryan Dempster decided to load the bases on walks so he could give up a grand slam. That was enough to silence the Wrigley crowd for the rest of the game. Not that the Cubs ever showed any life either.

Meanwhile, in the league that actually matters — the AL — Jason Bay did his best Manny Ramirez impression by hitting a two-run bomb that was enough for the Red Sox to win. Jacoby Ellsbury pitched in with an insurance RBI and run in the 9th. He also made an awesome catch in the 8th. The Angels, on the other hand, played like morons. As shown by a play in the outfield where an angel DEFINITELY wasn’t helping, and Vlad Guerrero running around the bases like a slow 6-year-old.

And I really thought I would get a good amount of studying in tonight…

It had the potential to be the most popular music discovery tool of this generation. Mixtapes were the thing of the 80s(?) and 90s, CD mixes replaced them, and then everything became digital. People started trading songs on AIM, Napster, Soulseek, and downloading torrents. Muxtape was simpler than all of these, and allowed you to share your favorite songs of the moment with everyone across the interwebs as simply as possible. It was the coolest thing to happen to internet music sharing in a long while. It was only a matter of time before the RIAA fucked it all up.

In memoriam, here’s what my muxtape would look like right now:

Mogwai – Glasgow Mega-Snake
Metallica – Broken, Beat & Scarred
Silversun Pickups – Well Thought Out Twinkles
The Decemberists – The Infanta
My Morning Jacket – Steam Engine
Soundgarden – Like Suicide
Massive Attack – Angel
TV on the Radio – DLZ
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Dig, Lazarus, Dig
Dredg – Symbol Song
Justice – Genesis
Oasis – Fuckin’ In The Bushes

The positive side of the Mets failing once again is that I don’t have to choose between watching their playoff games and studying. Now I at least have a chance of controlling myself and not watching the playoffs as much as humanly possible.

Red Sox vs. Angels – Red Sox in 4
White Sox vs. Rays – Rays in 3
Dodgers vs. Cubs – Dodgers in 5
Brewers vs. Phillies – Brewers in 5

Red Sox vs. Rays – Red Sox in 6
Brewers vs. Dodgers – Dodgers in 5

Dodgers vs. Red Sox – Red Sox in 5

I picked the Red Sox, but I rather have the Rays or Dodgers win. So I’ll win either way. Unless the Cubs win, in which case it will be known as the beginning of 2 Great 2 Depressing for years to come.

Ok, I need to sleep. Or study.

Now I wait six months for another Mets season to start.

Edit: I’m already thinking of changing my pick to the Rays. I shouldn’t be denying the Year of 200Rayght.

BREAK UP THE CORE

TRADE DAVID WRIGHT

I want to stab myself in the eyes right now. Actually, I rather stab Mike Fatcesa in his massive stomach. Or his smug face. Because of him, I have to hear my dad talk about the necessity of trading David Wright as if having Fatcesa agree with him solidifies his viewpoint. On almost every baseball topic in the past 5 years, we have agreed that Fatcesa is a pompous blowhard who has no goddamn clue what he is talking about. Once Fatcesa agreed with him, my dad should have known he was wrong.

Yes, the answer to the Mets problems is trading their perennial MVP candidate 25-year-old third baseman. Totally logical. He struck out in two crucial ninth innings — he’s obviously an unclutch piece of garbage. One bad week negates four years of consistent production.

This is like the offseason last year with Reyes, only worse. Reyes actually did turn to total shit by the end of last year. Wright OPS’d .993 this September (and 1.034 last September). He’s not the problem. Neither is Reyes. No one is talking about Beltran because he hit a two-run HR in the final game of the season, driving in the only Mets’ runs. Only months earlier seemingly every Mets fan was dissatisfied with his performance. 

So fuck all of you crybaby, overreacting Mets fans (and Fatcesa most of all). All three players are some of the best in the game. And the oldest one is still only 31. They are NOT the problem. The playoffs are not guaranteed, no matter how much money you may spend — just look at the other side of town. Sure, the Mets once again choked away a lead in the last 17 games. But if the bullpen weren’t so awful, they would have never been in that position. If Moises Alou, Pedro Martinez, and Orlando Hernandez — all 150-year-old Hispanics — weren’t actually depended on, they wouldn’t have had to use so many AAA ballplayers. If Ryan Church knew how to slide, they just might have had a solid right fielder the entire season. And Luis Castillo is the worst Mets signing since Mo Vaughn.

These are the problems that need to be addressed. And I want Carlos Delgado gone, as his second half is just an elaborate hoax. Go after Mark Teixiera. I don’t care if the Yankees will get into a bidding war with you. He’s one of the best fielding first baseman in the league, and he hit even better than Delgado did in the second half. I don’t think I need to mention the first half.

I don’t know what bullpen help is out there — that’s Omar Minaya’s job. The job he didn’t do last offseason. As for second base, it looks like Daniel Murphy — the one great thing to come out of this lost season — will attempt to fill the slot left by Castillo’s total ineptitude. I wouldn’t begrudge Omar for satiating his Manny fetish and getting him for left field, but I can easily see him resigning with the Dodgers, especially if they manage to get far in the playoffs. But there are plenty of left fielders that can fill that hole. Shit, maybe even sign Fernando Tatis to a one-year deal. Or if you decide to keep Murphy out there, pick up a 2B like Orlando Hudson.

Last thing — the one guy I want for the starting rotation is Derek Lowe. I had him in mind even before I read a post over on MetsBlog that stated exactly the same thing. I need to start getting paid for this shit.

And do your fucking job, Omar.

Soundgarden – Like Suicide

Why did I doubt God? Just five days ago, I declared Johan Santana’s status as a higher being, yet just two days later I said he would only throw six to seven innings in his start yesterday. Instead, he had one of the greatest pitching performances by a Met ever. A 3-hit shutout on 3 days’ rest. And I got to watch it in person while stuffing my face with a disgusting amount of food and drink. Amazing.

Since I passed out FOREVER after I got home from the game yesterday, and I’m actually writing right before the last game of the season, I’m going to keep this short. Johan is indeed God. You should all worship him. I will pay tribute by buying his home jersey as soon as possible.

I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. Even if he does pitch well, the Mets bullpen is just going to blow it. He won’t be able to go much past 100 pitches — if at all — after throwing 125 last time out. I firmly believe the Mets’ best chance lies in having Santana pitch on Sunday and just rolling the dice on Brandon Knight or Jon Niese tomorrow. But that’s not going to happen. Instead we get Santana and Oliver Perez on three days’ rest.

Here are their career stats on three days’ rest (not including when Santana was a reliever):

Santana: 3 GS, 14.2 IP, 6.14 ERA, 1.36 WHIP, .919 OPS

Perez: 1 GS, 2.2 IP, 13.50 ERA, 3.75 WHIP, 1.338 OPS

Not good.

Let’s break this down. Knight or Niese tomorrow could be awful, but Perez on three days’ rest on Sunday could be awful as well. The difference is Santana on three days’ rest or four. Santana tomorrow means most likely six to seven decent innings. Santana pitching on Sunday would probably mean another dominating performance, and at most one inning from the bullpen. Well, at least I’ll get to see him pitch tomorrow now. I guess we’ll see just how much of a god he really is.

And oh yeah, there was a game tonight. I’m not going to talk about that. In retrospect, I should have watched the presidential debate. But I had another trainwreck to watch. I got to watch the Marlins once again come out guns blazing, ready to spoil the Mets season, while the Mets played like it was a spring training game. Fucking pathetic.

Regular season baseball doesn’t get much more exciting than this. I feel the obligation to post every night until the end of the season at this point. Every Mets game is gut-wrenching insanity. Not only that, there were also the Brewers and Twins games tonight — where both of those teams won in walkoff fashion in addition to the Mets. The wild-card is obviously the only good idea Bud Selig has ever had.

I said all day today at work — after sleeping off the effect of last night — that the Mets have seemingly always bounced back from their multitude of “devastating” losses. But after Pedro came out, and Rincon gave up a three-run HR on the FIRST PITCH HE THREW, I was all but done. Pedro looked ready to throw him to the ground like he was Don Zimmer. A three-run deficit with 3 innings to go? No way the Mets were going to storm back.

Yet they did. Two nights ago the Mets benefitted from a Johan Santana magic trick; tonight, Ryan Church pulled off an illusion of his own. Somehow he convinced the umpire he was still in the basepath as he ran around the catcher. I’ve never truly understood where the baseline ends, but it definitely looked debatable tonight. Maybe the shock of it is still sinking in. The throw beat Church by 20 feet, yet somehow he scored to tie the game. You just don’t get this ridiculous shit anywhere else.

Except tonight. The Brewers won on a walkoff Grand Slam, and the Twins came back from a 6-4 deficit in the last two innings to win in extras, sweeping their series with the White Sox and taking the lead in the AL Central. Ozzie Guillen is going to have to choke a bitch.

On the negative side, David Wright struck out AGAIN in the 9th inning. But this time, the Cubs decided to pitch to Beltran instead of Church (as he had gone 3-3 up to that point). As his hard-hit grounder went off the glove of the Cubs’ first baseman, I couldn’t even get excited. I was numb. I had already been drained of all emotion. Luckily, I’ll most likely have until Saturday to regain my strength. And hopefully, I’ll be able to watch a back-to-back doubleheader in my office’s suite with a bunch of free booze and food. Thanks, boss.

- No one would know that Dropkick Murphy’s song if it weren’t for The Departed. Damn you, Martin Scorsese.

- What Metallica has achieved with Death Magnetic is incredible. Not that the album could possibly be mistaken for a masterpiece, but when was the last time a band returned to form after TWENTY YEARS? Oh yeah. Never.

- If you do something dishonest, but will never get caught for it, don’t fess up. Living with the guilt is better than living with the consequences. Just ask any lying piece of shit CEO!

- The Quantum of Solace theme totally blows. Jack White sucks. Listen to it here if you don’t believe me. Casino Royale‘s theme “You Know My Name” shits on it from a great height. Chris Cornell FTW.

- Digital downloads aren’t going to rend Blu-ray obsolete within 10 years, despite what dipshit internet analysts may think. People aren’t going to be downloading 20 GB movies anytime soon. 

- Have I mentioned that Minute Maid Fruit Punch is pretty much the greatest juice ever?

- Never buy the first iterations of overhyped new electronics. Unless that new piece of electronic hardware is the Playstation 3. In which case, you’ve already missed the backwards-compatibility train – like me.

- The Wrestler is going to kick a massive amount of ass. If you don’t go see it, you deserve to be Clockwork Orange’d and forced to watch every episode of Dawson’s Creek in sequential order. 

- Never Go Full Asian

I didn’t know it was possible for a third base coach to choke. I can’t believe I saw David Wright swing at two balls after going 3-0 to strikeout in the most important at-bat of the entire season. I didn’t think it was possible for the Mets to repeat their 2007 performance. I didn’t expect that some kid named Daniel Murphy would be the only player that isn’t a fucking loser on this team. Even though Carlos Delgado has had an amazing second half, he’s a douchebag who tanked the first half of the season to get Willie Randolph fired. So he’s a loser too. Fuck him.

Why did I become a Mets fan? What the fuck is wrong with me? There is no other explanation other than I am a raging masochist. Who the fuck wants to watch a team continually blow games in the last 3 innings? I NEED AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF GODDAMNED TUMS!!

The Mets had a chance to pull even with the Phillies in the loss column, instead they’re tied with the Brewers for the wild-card with 4 games to go. Excuse me while I go clean up the puke on my floor.

 

…At least Santana is still lined up for the last game of the season.