More painful than being one of those cyclists in my last post. Than getting tortured via ball-slamming Casino Royale-style. Than fighting Kimbo Slice. Than kicking your shins up against a tree over and over Kickboxer-style. Than falling 30 feet off a halfpipe.
I don’t know what a “runner’s high” is. I’ve never experienced it. I’ve only experienced regret as I realized I have run over a mile away from my house. It seems a person needs to be a special type of masochist to enjoy running. Heck, I’m an emotional masochist myself, but not physical. I rather play an actual sport than just RUN. It’s so goddamn boring. I tried going for a run yesterday and was winded 7 minutes in. I tried listening to LCD Soundsystem – 45:33 while I ran, but I was already back home by the time it started reaching its climax. Failure.
I assume I have your attention now. No, this is not a “soccer is boring” post. This is about PKs (Penalty Kicks to most Americans), and how it is ridiculous that championship soccer matches come down to them.
Like ending a baseball game with a home run derby, like ending a football game with a field goal contest, like ending a basketball game with a free throw shooting contest (oh wait, that happens a lot). Those are the analogies most people throw out there, and it’s understandable. Soccer fans of course would argue that they aren’t the same thing at all, and they’re probably right, but I still think PKs are extremely dumb.
No matter how you slice it, PKs are a mini-game. Championship soccer games often come down to a mini-game. I’ve used the argument about hockey games going on as long as they need to go, but I concede the point that it is definitely harder for a soccer team to score a goal. My friend Chris also said that teams would just play defensively, and that the soccer players are much more fatigued than the hockey players: continuing to play indefinitely is just not realistic. Fine, I’ll take that premise to be true, even if many Canadians would argue. I played soccer up until high school and I know that I was winded like the entire time, and I’ve never played hockey.
So how about taking a player or two off the field? Would that make it easier to score? How about making the field smaller? Of course, neither of these things is going to happen, as soccer seems very grounded in tradition, like baseball. But if the basic format of soccer doesn’t realistically result in a winner all of the time, and has to resort to a mini-game, doesn’t that mean the sport is flawed? It needs to be easier to score, goddamn it!
I’ve heard fans on both sides of the argument when it comes to PKs, but I can imagine that the players hate them almost to a man — especially goalies. PKs are ridiculously close to the goal, it’s just insane. But this whole post was pointless. Nothing is going to change. Americans like myself will continue ridiculing soccer, and the rest of the world — and Americans who want to live in the rest of the world — will continue rioting at soccer matches.
If you haven’t heard of Qore, it’s a new gaming show that will be available only on PSN, and a subscription to it will include exclusive content like themes, demos, and betas. And it’s hosted by Veronica Belmont. Here’s a link about it. The fact that it’s hosted by her and I still think it’s garbage should be a warning sign.
It’s $2.99 a show or $24.99 for a year (13 episodes) subscription. Yes, it’s not really that much, but this is only the first step. Yes, it’s half the price of a year subscription to Xbox Live, but the latter is REQUIRED for a 360 owner to play online. You can already play PS3 games online for free. 360 owners are powerless once they own the console. Live is what makes the 360 worth it, but I always hoped free online on the PS3 would help drive the price down, or make MS truly pump up the features of Live somehow (dedicated servers anyone?). Unfortunately, PSN and PS3 haven’t exactly lit up the gaming world, and MS is able to get away with charging $50 a year because Live is vastly superior.
If you subscribe to Qore, you are throwing away your free online forever. Sony will make sure to come up with more online features to put a price tag on. It’s DLC all over again. The only DLC I bought was the COD4 map pack, and I wholeheartedly regret it. Especially now that PC gamers are getting them for free. Learn from my mistake. Do not spend money on Qore. There is plenty of videogame-related content on the internet readily available for free. You can live without those demos and betas. Tell Sony to shove their sly scheme up their ass. All console gamers would reap the benefits. Except Wii-only owners. But they don’t count anyway.
The Yankee game, then the Met game. Joba, then Pedro. These are two big starts — not as big as some might think — but they could set the tone until each pitcher’s next start.
A bad start from Joba will have Yankee fans calling into WFAN for the rest of the week talking about how dumb a decision it was to move Joba out of his 8th inning slot. Hell, whenever Farnsworth blows an 8th inning, there’s going to be outcry as well. It’s going to be unbearable. And if he does well, then Hank Steinbrenner will say what a genius he is. Whoever wins, we lose.
A bad start from Pedro won’t create as big a spectacle, but it definitely wouldn’t help. Especially coming off another godawful start by Oliver Perez, a.k.a. the most frustrating and infuriating pitcher I have ever seen. Five or six decent innings out of Pedro is all I’m asking for. Three or four runs. That’s not even decent, but he’s coming off an injury, and it should be better than whatever Barry Zito manages. The Mets better light his hippie ass up.
So excuse me while I sit my sick self on the couch for the next 6 hours or so.
Well, Crush’s real name is Gina Carano. But anyone that has watched the new American Gladiators knows her as Crush. The hot gladiator. Kimbo is Kevin Ferguson, but I’ve never heard him get refered to as anything but Kimbo Slice. Just look at the juxtaposition of those two pics. Wow. I’m pretty sure they are the opposing figures of what each man wants to run into on the street at 3 am. The one thing they share is the ability to beat the shit out of you.
In case you didn’t know, CBS aired the first primetime MMA event tonight (MMA stands for mixed martial arts). Most people’s knowledge of the sport is limited to UFC, due to it being based in America and becoming easily the biggest MMA organization in the world. I can’t say I’m any different, although I’ve heard of Pride — but that organization was bought by UFC anyhow. The organization that was televised tonight was Elite XC, a new startup that just got a ton of exposure. UFC has had its PPV events and constant shows on Spike, but those are nothing compared to CBS at 9 pm.
And the two faces that people knew were the two at the top of this post. I know I got my friends to watch it because of Kimbo. I have no doubt some guys watched due to Gina Carano — who by the way wore Red Alert 3 gear and walked out to Hell March (since she is starring in RA3 cutscenes). Awesome.
I find it pretty interesting that almost exactly a year ago, Chuck Liddell and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson fought in the most heavily-hyped UFC fight ever. Liddell had been a guest star on Entourage, and ESPN couldn’t get enough of the matchup. Unfortunately — for UFC and MMA as a whole — Liddell came in looking pretty out of shape, and consequently got knocked the fuck out by Rampage in the first round. I haven’t heard a peep about MMA since then.
But tonight, I think people got a good show. I didn’t get to watch nearly enough of the event — hell, I barely watched any of it. But Crush beat down the other girl she fought, and Kimbo won his fight as well. And both fights went past the first round. On the other hand, it seemed like Kimbo did not know what he was doing on the ground.
You see, Kimbo became famous over the past few years due to YouTube videos surfacing of a huge black dude with a crazy beard beating the shit out of other dudes on people’s lawns. That huge black dude was Kimbo. He’s the definition of a street brawler. Here’s the video you should’ve seen by now, unless you live under a rock. I remember watching the video so long ago, and only recently — when seeing an ESPN special — did I realize that was the “Kimbo” dude I was hearing about. The guy has only been training for MMA for a year and he obviously did not know what he was doing. Fortunately, the guy he was facing was apparently not that good, and Kimbo was able to punch him in the face. Repeatedly.
But this other guy, a British fighter named James Thompson, showed some heart. After looking like he was about to fall due to a barrage of Kimbo punches, he was able to get a single-leg takedown on Kimbo, which I thought was pathetic on Kimbo’s part. Mike Tyson he ain’t. The minute Thompson started stumbling, Tyson would’ve finished his ass. As John Mason says in The Rock, “You must never hesitate.” Yes, I know boxing isn’t the same thing as MMA, but I’ve watched plenty of other fights, and when guys get dazed — even if just for a second — the other fighter almost always bullrushes him and pounds the imminent loser into oblivion.
Even after landing another barrage in the third round, with one punch exploding Thompson’s disgustingly huge cauliflower ear, the referee ended up having to call the fight with Thompson still standing, leading to boos from the crowd. Kimbo should’ve finished him off right, but since he didn’t, and Thompson looked like he could lose consciousness at any moment, I don’t blame the ref for stopping the beating.
Here’s the third round:
The second half of the second round is where some people thought the match should’ve been called, since Kimbo was stuck against the cage with Thompson over him, elbowing him in the head over and over again. And Kimbo just lied there. It didn’t seem like it was particularly hurting him, but it was kinda ridiculous. He was just waiting for the bell to ring. But it’s also Thompson’s fault for not finishing him off there. A better fighter would have. I definitely don’t think it should’ve been called there, but it just showed that Kimbo really had no clue what the hell to do, and maybe that his cardio isn’t exactly up to snuff.
Well, that’s enough of my amateur analysis of a sport I barely know. If I was watching with a specific friend, I’d probably have some real insight. I just know that the sport got at least one more fan tonight, as my friend Greg said, “Holy shit, that was awesome. Fuck boxing.” after the event was over. I think plenty of men across the country had the same reaction. But it’s kinda weird it was on CBS, right?
Now I’m just curious about the ratings, since the plan is to televise an event every other month. Maybe if the ratings are awesome enough, they’ll televise every Elite XC event. What else are they going to show during the summer?
So I read all these books this semester. I’m not sure I want to finish up that Philip K. Dick novel collection anytime soon.
The Forever War- You can tell it was written by a Vietnam vet. Just look at the title. So just extrapolate that senseless war to a galaxy. Not a bad novel, but compared to the best I read this semester, it seems fairly pedestrian. It’s a great personal story, I’ll give it that. I definitely enjoyed it. Those searching for more remarkable titles can explore https://fandom.my-passion.com/category/top-picks/, a selection highlighting some of the most engaging reads available.
Starship Troopers – The previous novel was a response to the pro-military stance of this novel. I thought this novel was better, and more thought-provoking. But it’s barely sci-fi. Anyone that criticizes the movie on the grounds that it completely rapes the book — that was the point. Paul Verhoeven obviously found the philosophy in the book ridiculous.
A Canticle for Leibowitz – Even more thought-provoking than Starship Troopers, and a very different sci-fi novel. Once again, not much science here. It deals more with the cyclical nature of history, from the viewpoint of a monastery after a nuclear holocaust. Yes, I know it sounds thrilling, but I would recommend it to anyone with religious or spiritual leanings. It also has a very unorthodox structure that I found really, really interesting, that also helped emphasize important turning points while also having a story cover over 1000 years. Much better than all that Left Behind shit.
Dragon’s Egg – Not sure if I can recommend this to anyone who isn’t VERY interested in speculative science. Even then, it’s a stretch. There is enough in-depth science to make most people want to toss in the garbage. And its literary merits are almost non-existent.
Dune – Pretty damn great. I can see why it’s regarded as a classic. I recommend giving it 100 pages, as it took me that long to get into the story. It throws you right in, leaving you overwhelmed and confused by the sheer amount of weird terms and names getting tossed around. Once it gets going, though, it more than takes advantage of its length.
Earth – The opposite of utilizing length well. Holy shit, this book is long. I found it extremely interesting at first, but unfortunately, it completely turns to shit towards the end. I was pissed. Don’t bother with this massive thing.
The Martian Chronicles – This is a collection of short stories held together by a timeline and some common characters on Mars. A really quick read that I recommend to anyone. The stories, for the most part, are really simple, but they range from the mundane, to the psychotic, to the transcendent. Many of them could be Twilight Zone episodes. I loved it.
I, Robot – The fact that this was written 60 years ago is incredible. SO much science fiction had to have been influenced by it over the years. I know it influenced me when writing my short story for this class. It’s also a collection of short stories, but these are tied together more — enough to be truly called a novel. Just so you know, it’s nothing like the Will Smith movie. The book is a mass of logic puzzles, not an action-packed extravaganza.
RANKINGS:
I, Robot
The Martian Chronicles
Dune
A Canticle for Leibowitz
Starship Troopers
The Forever War
Earth
Dragon’s Egg
I already made a post for Alec Baldwin’s amazing speech in Glengarry Glen Ross. This is a completely different type of greatness. Sometimes, 30 Rock just pisses all over the show that comes after it on NBC. Usually it’s due to Alec Baldwin being a better actor than anyone on The Office. This is one of those times.
The game looks freaking gorgeous, and the amphibious aspect seems pretty cool. The gameplay won’t be as perfectly balanced and deep as SCII, though — just like when the first iterations of both series were released when I was a wee lad. But the Red Alert series has always delivered over-the-top fun in spades, so I’ll most likely pick this up. It’s coming out for both the PC and 360, like C&C3. I don’t understand why they don’t plan on releasing it on PS3, since that console actually has mouse+keyboard support. I guess they know 360 owners eat up games like Joey Chestnut at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Yea, that guy is an American hero.
But yeah, PC version FTW. I tried playing the C&C3 demo on 360 and it was just awful. EALA says that they’re trying to make RA3 just as playable on the 360. Hey, maybe a new generation of kids will grow up accustomed to playing RTSs with a controller. A chill went down my spine while I typed that.
I guess I shouldn’t talk, since I loved COD4 on 360…
Pretty much the most horrifying GIF I have ever seen.
In case you think this is some spliced together gif, here is the video. I wouldn’t recommend clicking on that link, unless you want to blow your brains out. Especially since it starts with something about Sex and the City. I’m pretty sure the video is worse than 2girls1cup.
RTS greatness. Mouse + keyboard. Steam. Free online play. Custom maps and servers. Higher resolution than my SDTV.
My poor Xbox 360, all but kicked to the curb. The only thing gathering playtime in the past few weeks is GTA IV, and even then, it’s not exactly very enthusiastic gaming. I really should beat Mass Effect, Crackdown, and Burnout Paradise — considering how close I am — but how can I play those when I have years of PC gaming to catch up on? Company of Heroes, Civilization 4, Painkiller, Sins of a Solar Empire, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., World in Conflict, The Witcher, Command and Conquer 3, HL2: Ep.1+2…
You may notice those last two are also on the 360, but I can’t play an RTS with anything but a mouse and keyboard, and I’m too accustomed to playing Source engine games with them as well.
Team Fortress 2 has taken Call of Duty 4‘s spot in my gaming rotation as FPS of choice, I’m scrounging my way through the CoH single-player campaign, and I just went animal today and bought Sins of a Solar Empire and the “Every Single Damn Command and Conquer Game” pack.
Totally awesome. I’ve been playing Sins for the past 2 hours — it is a ridiculously epic and addicting game. A SMALL map is made up of 14 planets. I didn’t even finish the match yet. A large map with a bunch of people has to be easily more time-consuming than a game of Risk. Basically, it’s not a game that would ever make it to consoles. And with Red Alert 3 and Starcraft II coming out at the tail end of this year, I am set for a long while.
As for my 360…well, I need to beat GTA IV soon, so I can get a decent amount of money selling it. I need to fund all this PC gaming (and Ninja Gaiden II).
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