Just right-click here and save. And then watch it. Or stream it to your HDTV if you’re cool like me.
No really, I have this on repeat using TVersity to stream with my 360. I’ve already gone through a box of tissues.
Bonds' reaction to hearing about 9/11
Sure, he broke baseball’s most hallowed record by pumping himself full of horse steroids that shrunk his balls to the size of peas, while embarrassing Major League pitchers repeatedly. But he ruined lives for people off the field, too. My internet buddy @qvt and I did a bit of research and we found out that Bonds did some of the most awful things you can imagine. Free feel to add your own from your personal encounters with him.
- Not only did he cheat on his wife by having a mistress, and bought said mistress a house to buy her silence, he made numerous sex tapes with her that he subsequently showed his children to teach them about sex.
- He voted for Proposition 8.
- He lied to a grand jury about taking steroids, and also tried to buy off U.S. Senators by taking them to Denny’s.
- He’s AWOL from the Army because he’s a terrorist sympathizer.
- When he sees a child’s basketball in the street, he intentionally deflates it.
- He uses the express lane at the supermarket even though he has 25 items. And they are all steroids, somehow.
- He leaves the toilet seat down even though he lives alone.
- If you lend him a book, he creases the spine while he’s reading it and then gives it back and acts like it’s normal.
- He refused a kid in the parking lot an autograph when no one else was around. And the kid was an orphan. In a wheelchair. A wheelchair with only one wheel because he was also poor.
- He pisses in the shower at the gym.
- He pushes all the buttons in the elevator while you’re in it, and then gets out and takes the stairs.
- He thinks Forrest Gump deserved to win that Oscar for Best Picture.
- He voted for the Liberal Democrats in the UK Election.
- One time he threw a perfectly good — and still wrapped — cheeseburger into the trash right in front of a homeless person because he was full already.
- He complains about having Lost spoiled by people on Twitter.
- He’s been poisoning Ken Griffey Jr. for the past decade.
- He goes to a soup kitchen not to volunteer, but to eat, because he really likes the chicken noodle soup on Thursdays at the Martin de Porres House of Hospitality.
- He drives the speed limit in the left lane of the highway.
- He celebrated each home run of his career by adopting a dog from a homeless shelter and then sacrificing it to his personal god named Oswaldo.
- He doesn’t kick over kids’ sand castles at the beach, he builds a bigger one and then doesn’t let them play with it.
- He’s the guy who scratched your Netflix DVD.
The Black Keys – Tighten Up
This album isn’t out yet, but considering this was uploaded to YouTube by the band themselves, I think I’m cool in posting this. Brothers is immensely fun to listen to, just like every other Black Keys album. I’d say it’s cleaner than their previous albums, but it arguably only makes them more entertaining to listen to. Sure, a raw sound is sometimes great to listen to, but I think Danger Mouse has really helped focus their sound in this second collaboration with them. The result is an awesome album to listen to while driving with the windows down. Trust me, I tested it out a couple of days ago.
Edit: Man, I really should have gone with “Funkasaurus Rex Song of the Week” for the title.
I feel like I haven’t embraced the “nerd” in my blog name all that much recently (until maybe the Inception ogling). So I’m going to make up for that by encapsulating that word as embarrassingly as possible. Maybe I’ll have some more if I start playing as something other than Terran so much.
build missile turrets
due to extra minerals
goddamn it brood lords
concentrate on rush
marines, ‘rauders, medivacs
then forget to tech
awesome mothership
so huge, cool abilities
blown up by vikings
block the entrance ramp
wall of depots and barracks
leave one space open
confusing units
new ones; like hellions, thors
no clue how to use
2 v 2 random
heavily favored at start
teammate disconnects
korea awaits
for july twenty-seventh
new national sport
This week’s links are presented by the world-famous subway-riding pigeon.
The real reason Steve Jobs hates Flash – I don’t know if I buy the argument, but it’s a pretty interesting one nonetheless. Personally, I think the move towards “cloud computing” is slowed every time Gmail is down.
The Definitive Guide to Telling Vermont and New Hampshire Apart – Summary: New Hampshire = libertarians; Vermont = dirty hippies.
MLB.tv and the PS3 – “Last week, though, I discovered MLB.tv in a way that is no longer just good enough. It is amazingly awesome, and it’s MLB.tv through a PlayStation3.” Goddamn it.
Yankees Fans Are From Mars… – A comparison Yankees and Mets fans in New York City. It even has a handy quiz that tries to guess which one you are (it worked for me).
The 15 Most Exciting Summer Movies – I only link this list because it has the right movie at #1. I haven’t even heard of a few of the movies on the list. God, this summer sucks.
Hue Shift on Kongregrate – I think I’m the only person I’ve showed this Flash game to that loved it, but I’m posted it anyway. The problem isn’t with me, it’s all YOU people. Rock, Paper, Shotgun liked the game and they know their PC gaming shit, ok??
That’s two straight blog post titles ending in ellipses; I have to be breaking some sort of rule here.
I’m wondering when was the last time I was this excited this far in advance about an upcoming piece of entertainment. I’m sure a list would be a more effective and/or popular post (since everyone loves those), and maybe I’ll make one in the future, but right now I’m just going to ramble on about things that made me both hard in the pants and soft in the brain. With regards to soft in the brain, I present the example of how I wasn’t even hearing Joseph Gordon-Levitt correctly in the Inception trailer, despite watching it a half-dozen times.
Does something like Call of Duty 4 count? I don’t remember how much I was looking forward to that game before the beta hit and blew everything out of the fucking water. Yeah, after playing that beta, I was certainly looking forward to the full game, but I feel like the beta was equivalent to watching the first 30 minutes of Inception, or arguably even more. It was the FULL multiplayer experience, just limited to three maps — three maps which turned out to be some of the best in the final game. I played the beta for almost 50 hours; I think I got my money’s worth right there. I guess what I’m trying to say is that two months before that beta, I wasn’t watching clips of COD4 over and over again.
While attempting to think of other hyped-up things in the past couple of years, I can only think of The Dark Knight, which is probably indicative of my terrible memory or my incapability to think of anything not related to Christopher Nolan. But I don’t think I was ever as hyped up as I am right now, despite the amount of posts I made related to the film leading up to its release. There was no trailer that was as awesome as this Inception trailer — the latter of which I haven’t even seen in full 1080p glory on my HDTV yet. I will make another post just for that when it hits the internet. And really, the fact that The Dark Knight was so great despite being set in a comic-book world is only more reason to be flipping out at the prospect of an original Christopher Nolan film. It’s impossible for me NOT to be more excited about Inception than TDK.
So what else has there been? I don’t get too excited about music albums until singles or live performances of the album start trickling out, and even then, I don’t obsess over them for hours. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to a book; I think this is a result of never reading Harry Potter or A Song of Ice and Fire or any current fiction authors, period. And television? Yeah, I certainly get excited about the season premieres and season finales and everything in between for shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men, but they are such small doses at a time that it’s impossible to get into a frenzy. It’s only after an episode blows my mind that I go apeshit.
That brings it down to movies and games, basically. Advertising companies really do their job with regards to movies — maybe a little too well. I hope I’m not burnt out on Inception by the time the movie actually comes out. With games, it was always my constant checking of gaming websites and GAF that would fuel my anticipation. Nowadays, I barely read any gaming sites and I rarely venture over to the gaming side of GAF, and as a result, I haven’t been hyped up for a game in a few years. Starcraft II would be a very good candidate, but as I recently explained, that beta pisses me off so much sometimes that I rather imagine a world where it doesn’t exist.
So that narrows it down to movies then. That’s the only entertainment I’ll be going crazy about beforehand from now on. And possibly only Christopher Nolan movies.
…but I want to look this good.
/gay
I almost want to pay for a ticket to see Iron Man 2 just to see this trailer in theaters, and then leave immediately after I’ve satisfied my big screen Christopher Nolan fix.
I didn’t think I would allow myself to get so excited over a movie nowadays, but I would suck dick to see the completed film after watching that. The music, the special effects, the suits…oh my fucking God. I already think it’s getting to be pretty much impossible for Nolan to live up to the hype, but I’m still hoping for my brain to be splattered on the person behind me by the end of Inception.
Even the official website is slick as hell, with awesome music to boot. You have no idea how hard it is for me not to totally lose it and spill all my thoughts out in caps right now, e.g., HOLY FUCKING SHIT I’M JUST LISTENING TO THE MUSIC ON THE WEBSITE IN THE BACKGROUND AND I WANT TO RAPE SOMEONE’S MIND.
No, but really, I can’t stop watching it. Holy FUCK. And it gave me a new poll idea.
The two things I spent too much time playing today.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that the former was the more rewarding of the two. Even if my score on the front nine today is worthy of an Obama-esque Special Olympics joke, I managed to recover with a somewhat less embarrassing back nine, due to some tips from a 50-something, pot-smoking, teenage prostitute-fucking guy (no, not Lawrence Taylor). He presented his listening to System of a Down, Bush, and Green Day as evidence of his coolness. That was adorably sad.
Meanwhile, my Starcraft II playing experience tonight was all downhill after a first match in which one of my two opponents quickly disconnected, and by the end I had remembered why I hadn’t played the beta in over a month. My partner and I lost to a pair of apparent 5-year-olds who took 15 minutes to figure out how to build a unit other than a Zergling. I also tried to mass Stalkers in another game and was subsequently shit on like the Liberal Democrats in the UK election tonight.
By why connect these two games in one blog post, other than the fact they shared the privilege of wasting my time today? Because they are both perfect examples of love-hate relationships. Although, the balance with regards to golf tips much more towards love than with SC2. I’m sure if Kim Jong Il ever tried playing the game against a South Korean, he’d end up getting so pissed that he’d nuke his southern neighbor into oblivion. I know if *I* had a nuke, I would probably launch it to let off some steam after losing to a Zergling rush.
But I get pissed while playing golf too. After my first four holes this afternoon, I wanted to be smash my entire bag of clubs while being instantaneously teleported off the goddamn golf course. I didn’t care that I had paid for 18 holes, if I could have been off the course and in my room with a snap of my fingers, I would have done it. I probably lost more balls in massive fields of beach grass in the first three holes than I had the half dozen or so times I’d already played golf this year. It was fucking bullshit.
The problem was overthinking just about every part of my game. Trying to do what I was practicing at the driving range a couple of days ago with my massive driver. Making sure not to be aiming right because some video I watched said that most people end up aiming right when they think they are aiming straight. Focusing on not suing my arms and wrists to putt, but my shoulders and body.
I guess that’s the opposite problem of the one I have with Starcraft II. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and I end not expanding quick enough and not scouting and not suing all my resources and not upgrading my units and Jesus Christ I need to be clicking and hitting keys 100 times a minute. Oh wait, that’s still too slow.
While I’ve watched a bunch of videos recently with regards to golf and they’ve screwed me up by getting in my head so much, ending up with me shooting a dozen strokes higher than the first time I played 18 holes this year, I refuse to watch Starcraft videos or replays because, really, there’s a limit to how much I’m willing to waste my time. Sure, I’ll watch a four-minute video remix of Arnold saying “Put the cookie down” in Jingle All The Way, but at least that is ridiculously entertaining in and of itself. Watching some other dude’s build order in Starcraft II isn’t particularly exciting or amusing. And it’s only enlightening with regards to a computer game that I will not be playing in 5 years, unlike the other game in this post, which I will playing (hopefully) for another 50. And yes, golf is a game. It’s not a fucking sport, no matter what Wikipedia might say.
But the high points in both games make them worthwhile. Sure, I may have to point for seemingly the 100th time to a 3v3 game in the original Starcraft where I committed genocide with Siege Tanks, but it really was immensely satisfying. Now, with golf? The high points with that are still spaced out a bit too much, and usually tempered by a missed putt, but they are still there. I had a four-foot putt for birdie today after a perfect pitch. I felt so awesome. Until I missed that putt. Just hitting great drives on back-to-back holes is a victory that I’ll take nowadays.
Ultimately, it’s all about progress. With my round of golf today, I may have had a bad 18 holes overall, but I picked up some things — like shorter backswings on pitches and chips and putts — that will only help me in the long run. With my four matches of Starcraft II, I learned nothing. And I didn’t get five hours of sun either. Man, fuck you, Blizzard. Your game just pisses me off, yet I’m going to end up buying it and playing it anyway.
So I’ve been doing this thing on Twitter every day for longer than I thought. I think I’ll make a weekly post from now on Thursdays, I guess(?), in which I collect all the tweets for posterity and added commentary, since 140 characters is never enough. I’ll even link to them for full Twitter integration.
I really started off with basic stats that everyone knows, but I eventually relented and started using the most hardcore baseball stats out there, because I figure the people who actually pay attention to these tweets probably know them. And if not, let me know.
Hit the jump if you want to see a fairly annoyingly formatted post. Sorry.
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