Somewhat Manly Nerd

Do you like baseball? Do you like stats? You should get your ass over to this gift from heaven. In the past few months, Fangraphs has gone from a pretty cool site with a win probability graph gimmick to one of the best places to go for a shitload of numbers and statistical analysis. The coolest thing they have recently added is easily Value Wins for each player, and their corresponding worth in dollars. Albert Pujols was worth $40.5 MILLION last year, according to their methodology. That is obscene. It’s so fun to see where they rank players according to that, and since all their stats are downloadable in Excel format, you can mess around with the numbers yourself to come up with some crazy player evaluation formulas.

Top 10 Most Valuable Players 2008

Albert Pujols $40.5
Chase Utley $36.8
Chipper Jones $34.1
Hanley Ramirez $32.7
David Wright $32.2
Lance Berkman $31.7
Grady Sizemore $31.7
Mark Teixeira $30.5
Dustin Pedroia $29.6
Manny Ramirez $29.2

Why did I bother posting that? Because A-Rod isn’t there. I think Fangraphs has a Madonna Factor somewhere in their formulas. This is why I love them.

But really, the site is fucking awesome. They even have the Bill James and Marcel 2009 projections in their player pages. wRAA, wOBA, UZR, WPA, batted ball percentages, plate discipline, pitch types….I can drown myself in this shit. If you like baseball, you should too.

- I really need to start carrying around a notepad (again). With all the things that pop into my mind, but then disappear, these posts would be at least 46% more entertaining.

- Every time I decide to give Macs a chance, I see the price tag. $2799 for a laptop you can get for over $1000 less. But wait, it has a really long-lasting battery!!

- Mark Teixeira might look like a retard, but he’s one of the more articulate baseball players I’ve ever heard. That’ll teach me not to judge a book by its cover.

- Nobody cares about 24 anymore, right? Ok, just checking.

- I can’t classify myself as an e-stalker anymore after seeing this thread. I would need to create my own 2 GB folder of Veronica Belmont pictures. Jesus Christ.

- GTA IV seems to have a reserved spot on every “Games of the Year” top 10 list, and it makes me nauseous. What a turd. Yes, turd. It doesn’t even deserve a curse word.

- I would sleep so much more if dreams were more vivid and easily remembered. You know you would too. Unless you’re one of those strange happy people.

- Microsoft is releasing a public beta of Windows 7 this Friday. I recommend downloading it, as from impressions it is basically a surprisingly stable Vista SP2. I wouldn’t doubt the stability. They don’t want to frustrate any more people into buying overpriced Apple products.

- The next person who says Zach Snyder is a talented director is getting a punch in the balls. He just took the comic book frames from 300 and strung them together in slow-motion. Even if Watchmen turns out good, I still won’t be impressed until he makes his second film not ripped from the pages of a graphic novel.

- Playing Civilization IV to Command and Conquer music is a transcendent experience.

I think this fact illuminates just how little ESPN I watch nowadays compared to when I was a kid. In elementary school, my day wasn’t complete without watching and listening to Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann. As opposed to today, when I can’t even watch Baseball Tonight. But thanks to the glory of the internet, I can still see the best “This is Sportscenter.” commercials. And you can too.

It is 7 am. I have been playing Civilization IV all night. This is what WoW addiction must feel like. Holy shit.

I was just owning faces as Stalin. I think some of my cities were starving to death, so I was really keeping it historically accurate. At least for a little while. Now I’m just airbombing the shit out of my enemies, while they’re stuck in the 18th century. I have anti-tank units when everyone else only has cavalry. Those horses are going to get decimated. It’s going to be like that climatic charge in The Last Samurai where somehow Tom Cruise is the only dude that lives. Only this time there won’t be a Tom Cruise.

How did it take me so long to play any iteration of Civ? This is best game of all-time territory here. Every game is epic stuff, and the propensity for the each game to unravel completely differently is incredible. There are just so many possibilities with the techs, units, buildings, diplomacy, map types…

I couldn’t even function at work this week because I just wanted to get home to play Civ4. I don’t even know why I bought more games off Steam this week. When am I going to play anything else but Civ4? Maybe Left 4 Dead when I get invited. Maybe Trials 2 because it’s the most masochistic game I have ever played. But Defense Grid and Trackmania? They are just going to sit in my Steam games list, along with the other dozen games I haven’t come close to finishing.

(Yes, those last three games — a total of approximately $40 — can be added to the wallet damage I posted a few days ago.)

Happy New Year and all that shit. Let’s hope the Dow doesn’t go down 33% again. Or was it 40%? I’m just going by some graphic I saw for approximately 3 seconds.

I’d post some New Year resolutions, but my real ones are probably more depressing than funny. I could make up some amusing ones, but I’m too busy watching the MLB network. Greatest channel ever. Baseball tonight is officially done. It’s broadcasting Don Larsen’s perfect game along with all the commercials. Gillette commercials from 1956 are hilarious.

I swear I had this title in mind before seeing the post on KSK.

Cowboys getting totally destroyed — suffering their worst loss in 20 years — in what is basically a playoff game? Amazing. Patriots missing the playoffs at 11-5? Karma. Lions complete the perfect winless season? Incredible. The Bucs, Broncos, and Jets completing their collapses? Devastatingly awesome. (Yes, I am a Jets fan, but if this means Favre and Mangini are gone next year, it was worth it.)

And now, the end of Brett Favre’s career in GIF form:

…and also my wallet.

This time the damage was $38.97. Civilization IV Complete, Bioshock, and Defcon. Not a bad haul. I already own Bioshock on 360, but FIVE DOLLARS. Only a week ago I bought S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl for $4.99. And I can see myself buying Trackmania United Forever before the Holiday Sale is over.

You should be buying some games too. Steam’s Holiday Sale includes every single game, some over 75% off. Examples include the aforementioned Bioshock for $4.99 and Company of Heroes: Gold for $22.49. A taste of the rest of the sale:

World of Goo – $14.99
Valve Complete Pack – $74.99 (insane value, but everyone on this earth has played most of the games already)
Peggle – $4.99
id Super Pack – $34.99
Far Cry 2 – $37.49
Painkiller – $7.49
Heavy Weapon – $0.99
Fallout 3 – $39.99

Now do your American duty and prop up the economy.

I’m sure Jesus is happy to see people being trampled to death at Wal-Marts for his birthday. Not to mention people being more stressed than happy to give gifts to others.

I really hope everyone had a nice Christmas Eve and the joy continues into Christmas Day. Don’t mess up your family dinners by getting into political arguments. To relieve the stress that the holiday season brings, you may use cannabis products from https://d8superstore.com/category/thca.

This message has been provided by the CajoleJuice Foundation for… Stuff.

Maybe it’s a little past midnight here on the east coast, but whatever. I told myself I need to make this post. I have a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it! Airing of Grievances time.

Shitty Drivers: The turning lane is NOT a merging lane. I’m going to sideswipe the next car I see turning INTO the turning lane and send them flying into oncoming traffic.

No Turn on Red Signs: I think I can figure out when I can turn right. I don’t want some useless sign adding a minute to my commute home. I could use that minute to browse the internet!

20th Century Fox: Worst. Movie. Studio. Ever. Stop making Alien vs. Predator, Alien or Predator, or any sort of movie involving awesome 80′s franchises, and trying to stop Watchmen from coming out. Not to mention the multitude of worthless movies you have released this year. I hate you.

Reality television: Maybe I should blame America for this. If you didn’t watch it, it wouldn’t be on all the time. And shouldn’t someone have died on Survivor by now? That title is such bullshit.

The cast of Arrested Development: STOP TEASING ABOUT A MOVIE.

Game Developers: People still want split-screen multiplayer, shitheads. Look at how the Wii is kicking the shit out of HD consoles. Racing games like Burnout Paradise and ESPECIALLY Pure should have local multiplayer. At least with Burnout Paradise, Criterion had the bullshit open-world excuse, but the developers of Pure had absolutely no reason to not include split-screen. SSX on ATVs! Without fucking multiplayer! What cockbag thought of that?

Sony: Whose awesome idea was it to take PS2 backwards-compatibility out of the PS3? The company that made the first backwards-compatible home console now produces the only current console WITHOUT it. Brilliant move. Really paying off.

Tom Cruise: You are fucking awful. Is it even possible for you to add inflection to your voice? The fact that you got a Golden Globe nomination for your non-performance in Tropic Thunder shows just how many people in Hollywood are Scientologists. What the fuck? You just played your Magnolia character (which was YOU), only in a hairy fat suit. You are Tom Cruise in EVERY. SINGLE. MOVIE. I bet the producers and director of Valkyrie originally wanted the actors to speak in German accents, but since you couldn’t speak in one, everyone had to speak like Americans. Please take your crooked smile and Xenu worship and go away.

Boxee: I want a Windows beta now! I want to be able to watch all types of web content on my HDTV with a pleasing interface! Damn you for developing for Macs first.

Macfags: Why do I use a word generally accepted as a derogatory term? Because in this case the person actually deserves the ridicule. I guess maybe Apple Fags would be a more appropriate term — since I’m definitely including early iPhone adopters — but I think this rolls off the tongue better.

TMZ/Paparazzi: You contribute absolutely nothing to society. Please pass go and fall off a cliff. Unless you have nude photos of some hot actress — then you can live.

The New York Mets: You have all but destroyed my soul. I don’t think I can say any more than I have already said many times before.

Baseball’s Free Agent System: The Yankees just signed three of the biggest free agents this offseason. They have just totally shat on the rest of baseball. This should not be allowed to happen under any circumstances. It is goddamn ridiculous. Maybe if the Red Sox weren’t such tight-wads, considering they probably pull in a comparable amount to the Yankees. Whatever, Bud Selig sucks.

George Lucas: You shouldn’t be allowed to leave Skywalker Ranch. Please stop being involved with movies. Everything you touch turns to suck. Poor Indiana Jones.

Work on Christmas Eve: Not cool.

The Mars Volta – Inertiatic E.S.P.

(actually, the first minute and half or so is the track before it, Son Et Lumiere)