Somewhat Manly Nerd

This past Sunday, Game of Thrones debuted on HBO and since then has already re-aired countless times across the HBO series of networks. Last night (or early morning, depending on your country of residence) Portal 2 was released and PC gamers around the globe anxiously watched a bar slowly note the progress of the ever-mysterious Steam decrypting process. This was the first week of the year where I was awaiting any entertainment release, nevermind two.

I’m sure you’ve heard of Game of Thrones by now, considering there have been ads during baseball games, basketball games, and plenty of other television shows not featuring professional athletes. Going only by the commercials, one would think it’s possibly Lord of the Rings with sex thrown in, especially since Sean Bean stars in both. It’s closer to a re-imagined medieval political drama. I’ve heard The Sopranos + LOTR, but I really don’t get where the hell these people got The Sopranos from this series. I definitely think The Wire, Deadwood, and Rome would be better comparisons, considering the ensemble casts and power struggles — not that I’m qualified, considering I’ve never seen The Sopranos. But I don’t think I’m wrong when I assume the show focused greatly on Tony.

While Sean Bean is undoubtedly the central character of A Game of Thrones (the extra “A” means I’m talking about the book), there are way too many other important and powerful characters, signified by each chapter featuring one of eight narrative viewpoints. Not to mention that Sean Bean is as close to a traditional hero as you’ll see on TV nowadays, what with his old-fashioned honor and loyalty. Yeah ok, he has a bastard son, but it’s not like he’s a emotionless vigilante serial killer of other serial killers, an angry U.S. Marshal who likes to shoot people whenever he can, or a sarcastic animated secret agent who has an unhealthy relationship with his mother. Bean’s Eddard Stark is the character that gives some sort of noble center to the treacherous goings-on in the world of Westeros, the fictional continent where A Song of Ice and Fire takes place (that’s the name of the entire book series).

I had been hearing about the book series for a few years due to the nerd-filled places I frequent on the internet, but I never got around to reading the first book until last month. I figured I needed to prepare for the TV series premiere, even though I don’t subscribe to HBO. My plan was to possibly milk three free months out of FiOS like my parents seem to do once a year, and with the Optimum Online $69.95 triple-pack offer that came in the mail today, I might have my leverage. I won’t even need to lie!

I’d recommend everyone to read the books before watching the series, but that’s just my stock advice when it comes to these types of things. Reading before watching might be particularly helpful with A Game of Thrones, though, as it is lengthy and filled with so many characters and details that it’ll undoubtedly be tough to keep up if you jump right into the show. The book doesn’t have spectacular prose, and the world is misogynistic, but I’m not sure George R.R. Martin is. He might paint some female characters in a terrible light and describe some rough sex, but the ending of the book does feature the climax of a young woman finally coming into her own. Man, that sounded so wrong.

Anyway, the book is just what it sounds like — a struggle for the throne of Westeros. Of course, it’s only the beginning of an still-unfinished seven-part series, but many of the arcs are wrapped up while also laying the framework for the bigger battles that undoubtedly come in later books. There are betrayals and murders and twists and beheadings, but not all that much magic or supernatural forces if that’s what you’re worried about. Although, there is plenty of talk of dragons since they at one point actually existed in this alternate medieval world (if you’re a Japanophile, imagine them as mechs or gundams). And if you watched the following preview, you probably thought LOTR + zombies, instead of The Sopranos. So I would just like to drive the point home that this is basically Rome set in a Christopher Nolan-esque “grounded” fantasy world.

Then there’s Portal 2. By now you undoubtedly heard of how the cake in the original was a lie, but the puzzle-solving done in the first-person was what set Portal apart from just most games of the past few years. It was a short ride, but a shockingly inventive and entertaining one. After only an hour with its sequel, I’ve already experience much of the same, even if the puzzles so far are extremely simple to a veteran of the original. The same dry, but playful sense of humor pervades each game and the graphics are crisp on even middling PCs such as mine, due to the Source engine being immensely scalable, and most of the action taking place within fairly plain enclosed areas — testing chambers that have the aesthetic of a laboratory playground.

There’s not much of a point in me going on about Portal or its sequel at this point. You should have already played the first, and if you haven’t, ask someone who pre-ordered Portal 2 for a Steam copy. I’m off to play with my portal gun.

A week ago or so, I decided maybe I should try adding a cool new feature to my blog. I hadn’t messed around with any new plugins in a while, and I noticed while reading TedQuarters that the commenting system there was pretty cool. I think MetsBlog (so I guess all SNY blogs) has been using it for a while, but considering I read that site maybe twice a year, I never realized that I could easily install such a system on my lowly WordPress blog. But it’s not that I need a robust commenting tool, as about ten people read this blog and only a fraction of those ever care to comment. I just wanted to change it up and allow people to use their Twitter or Facebook or Google accounts and also incorporate those “Like” and “Dislike” buttons everyone loves to click.

The one bug I noticed is that the list of posts generated when you search, click on the tag cloud, or look at the archives of a certain month now has broken formatting. But if you didn’t know how it looked before, the “View Comments” on the right side that screw everything up don’t look too bad. And now each post in the list has a nice little space between! A page no one sees being a tiny bit screwed up is a small price to pay for some useful features, especially nested comments not turning into a disaster past two replies.

Feel free to make use the Like buttons under my posts.

Yes, despite hooking my veins directly to the world wide web every waking hour, something completely awesome on the internet occasionally flies under my personal radar for an extended period of time. It’s embarrassing, but it happens to the most-internet-addicted of us. Maybe I can blame focusing so much on baseball since helping to kick off Roto Hardball.

Now, I have known of the great Alamo Drafthouse theaters for a while now, as they’ve been touted at the coolest places to go see a movie countless times. Unfortunately(?), I don’t live in Texas, so I’ve never been to one (ok, there’s one in Virginia, but whatever). Although, I have seen some of the badass posters that have adored their walls — I just didn’t know until recently that there was one website where all of them are put up for sale.

Mondo only sells a limited run of each poster, and once they sell out they are flipped on eBay for three to ten times the price. It sucks for a person like me who goes back and sees dozens of posters he wants, only to find out they are either impossible to find or impossible for any sane human being sans six-figure salary to buy without feeling immense guilt and shame.

If you want to look through all their past posters, the Mondo blog is the place to go, even though it’ll take you a while to get through all 50+ tumblr pages. This guy has an insane collection that I hope he amassed solely from direct purchases.

I’ll just post one of my favorites below created by Olly Moss — maybe just because it’s There Will Be Blood. There are plenty of other posters worthy of displaying here.

Mogwai – George Square Thatcher Death Party

The newest Mogwai album is fantastic. It came out two months ago, but considering I haven’t posted any music on here since last year, this is as good a song as any to bring attention to. I thought about the song “Rano Pano”, which I actually posted on Roto Hardball months ago, but this track title is about twenty times more awesome. I imagine the American equivalent would be Portland Reagan Death Party? Some public square in the Pacific Northwest, anyway, or one in a poor black neighborhood. 80s conservative leaders aside, Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will is an hour of great instrumental (mostly) music to listen to while writing blog posts.

- Continuing to read the Amazin’ Avenue 2011 Annual
- Watching Japanese tentacle porn
- Reading my backlog of Economist issues
- Sleeping
- Watching Mariners-Rangers and/or Pirates-Cardinals
- Drowning a litter of kittens
- Writing a blog post in addition to this one
- Watching the Game of Thrones preview approximately ten times in a row
- Drinking bleach
- Ironing my work shirts
- Creating more Simpsons GIFs
- Fixing the tags of my MP3s
- Watching whatever was on UPN tonight
- Shaving my entire body
- Losing repeatedly to all-in rushs in Starcraft II
- Starting to watch Twin Peaks on Netflix instant
- Finally doing my taxes
- Reading cases even though I don’t attend law school
- Playing Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood
- Taking my dog out for a walk in the rain at night
- Painting my entire bedroom
- Looking at pictures of Corgis
- Burning (as in, with fire) my Lost Season 1 DVD set
- Listening to Mike Francesa fellate Derek Jeter
- Playing pub trivia by myself against teams of four
- Watching the classic “Chicks Dig the Long Ball” Nike commercial 200 times
- Reading the Book of Revelation
- Driving to Montauk Point and back

Ever feel like your head is going to explode from how much you want either yourself or the rest of the world to die? I had that feeling yesterday due to the first thing on this list. I had to calm myself down with copious amounts of alcohol.

A Bad 9 Holes of Golf
I don’t even need to play a full round of terrible golf before I want to drive my golf cart into the Great South Bay. Multiple three-putts combined with sand traps equipped with golf ball tractor beams is a recipe for me snapping a club in half and cursing out any human being who dares open his mouth.

When An Answer To A Sporcle Quiz Is Kyrgyzstan
You really expect me to spell that correctly? I hate you and your stupid face, person who came up with that quiz.

Mets Fans Who Don’t Like David Wright
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Is this a Wire situation where its 5th season was maligned due to being obviously inferior to its predecessors, even though it was still better than 95% of television? David Wright from 2005-08 — while not quite as valuable as Albert Pujols or Chase Utley — was arguably the first player you would pick to build a team around; Bill James even said so himself on 60 Minutes before the 2008 season. And even though Wright’s taken a frustrating step back the past two seasons, he’s still been worth ~4 wins each year. He’s the only guy that’s been on a field consistently the past four disastrous seasons. But you want him off the team because he has been striking out more than you’d like. Ok, I’ll admit the throwing errors are frustrating. You still don’t deserve David Wright.

The Fact That American Idol Is Still The Highest Rated Show On TV
Do any of its viewers actually listen to the performers? This includes my parents, as they are the sole reason I am forced to acknowledge the show’s existence. Any time I overhear someone signing, it confirms my suspicions that the talent pool has been diluted to the level of a high school audition. I cannot wrap my head around the ratings this terrible competition receives.

Oh Wait, Jersey Shore Is Ten Times Worse
You are the reason The Situation makes more money than you. You enabled Snooki to “write” a book. If this is ever aired in the Middle East, al-Qaeda’s recruiters will have a watermark year.

Thinking One Of My Tweets Is Awesome Only To See It Not Get RT’d
Fuck all you people for not recognizing my momentary genius! Twitter is dumb anyway! *cries*

An Extended Death Streak in CoD/CS/DoD/Quake/Unreal/Halo/Any FPS
Is there anything that makes you want to throw your controller anymore than getting repeatedly murdered in the digital realm? If I’m going to die, I want to bring at least one virtual guy down with me. Re-spawning under airstrikes, getting killed by camping snipers, dying to a random grenade, or just being legitimately terrible are all grounds for rage-quitting while yelling “FUCK THIS”.

When A Favorite Streaming Porn Video Disappears
A part of my penis dies whenever this happens. And it’s not like I have an ample amount to spare.

Whenever I Think Of How Much (Spam) Traffic I Lost By Moving To Self-Hosting
“Hey, it’d probably be a cool idea to get some storage space on the internet for all those GIFs. You could self-host your blog, too. Maybe even try adding one of those Google ads just for curiosity’s sake. Nevermind that you got linked by Deadspin and Fark on the old URL. Ignore the fact that over a year later, you’ll still have a fraction of the traffic and comments you had before you changed that URL and moved away from WordPress.com. And you won’t ever bother with that whole ad idea because it was pointless in the first place.” I suck at the internet sometimes.

These Two Tweets
How is it possible for someone to believe this? Has anyone ever been more wrong in the history of mankind?

Myself
What a waste of a human being. I need to write a script about a guy who goes back in time to stop himself from being born, based on myself. The Abortinator. Can you imagine the paradoxes?

I first published this as a FanPost over at Amazin’ Avenue. Seeing it bumped to the front page and getting rec’d up was easily the highlight of my day.

Also: What I Want Out Of This Season

Turn the clock back about two and a half years. The Mets, after a mediocre start to their 2008 season, had managed to build a small lead at the top of the NL East standings. But they are seemingly in the middle of another (albeit much less epic) collapse after the disastrous ending the previous year. Mets fans, including myself, can’t imagine having to endure the same heartbreak again yet also feel a sense of inevitable doom.

I remember hearing about the decision to pitch Johan Santana on three days’ rest in the second-to-last game of the season and feeling everything was over right there. Taking the one great pitcher in the rotation and forcing him to pitch on short rest when you’re going to end up pitching Oliver Perez in the final game anyway didn’t sit right with me. Granted, Oliver Perez wasn’t the worthless pitcher he became once he signed a 3-year, $36 million contract, but he was no better than average in 2008. On top of that, down the stretch he had been strikingly awful. He had just given up five runs in his previous start and going right back to him on three days’ rest was the best course of action? I can’t honestly say I remember which pitcher would have started the penultimate game instead of Johan, but I felt any downside would be mitigated by giving Johan normal rest.

Boy, was I wrong.

At the time, I was in my first job out of college — a job I might have gotten due to sharing Mets fandom with the boss — and we had a suite rented out for that very game. As apprehensive as I was about Johan, how could I not be excited to be in a luxury box for the first time in my life, even if it was the very last one in right field? Little did I know I wouldn’t get out of my seat past the fourth inning, making sure I had a good seat to witness the dominance. I watched as the Mets $137.5 million offseason acquisition put up zero after zero, managing to do more than anyone could have expected. I kept wondering if Jerry Manuel would pull him, ready to flip out if another pitcher walked out to the mound in the beginning of the 8th or 9th inning. I didn’t care about his ballooning pitch count; apparently, neither did they.

I have always remembered one at-bat in particular, and I was worried that going to BrooksBaseball.net to look it up would prove my memory incorrect. In the 9th, Dan Uggla stepped up to the plate with 1 out and a man on second. Josh Willingham had just hit a double, but Jerry was leaving Johan in. He had been the best pitcher in baseball in the second half and it was his game — and season — to lose.

The crowd had been on its feet from the beginning of the inning, and numerous suite denizens were bashing the advertising sign directly below their seats at this point. On the first offering, Uggla swung and missed at a changeup right down the pipe. Incredible. Johan followed that up with the same pitch and Uggla swung through it yet again. Hilariously awesome. On the 0-2 count, he threw yet another changeup, this time in the dirt. Uggla swung and missed the ball by a foot. Outside of Games 6 and 7 twenty-five years ago, I’m not sure Shea was ever louder than it was after that strikeout.

Here’s the at-bat in PitchFX form via www.brooksbaseball.net:

Beautiful.

The Mets were really going to win this game. We all knew it. Johan wouldn’t be stopped. A starting pitcher who’s only out on the field every fifth day shouldn’t be able to put an entire team on his shoulders and take them to the playoffs, but here we were watching it happen. And we didn’t find out until later that he carried the load with only one functional knee.

When the next hitter drove a fly ball almost the warning track, I think the entire stadium missed a breath. But when it was caught, it was pandemonium. Everyone in that moment didn’t care that Oliver Perez was slated as the starting pitcher the next day. I went home and immediately looked on StubHub for tickets to the last game at Shea — I was that excited and optimistic. The possibility of having front-row seats to the final depressing game in such an awful stadium did not enter my mind. Of course, once I saw the prices, I quickly came to my senses, but the point still stands: the Mets were faced with what was practically an elimination game with Oliver Perez on the mound, and I couldn’t wait to watch. That was the effect of Johan Santana for that one day. I also still believed David Wright and Jose Reyes had it in them to come through in that last game; I knew they’d be able to overcome whatever deficit Ollie left them with. Carlos Beltran’s legs were still under him, and Carlos Delgado had put together a monster second half. There was still confidence left on a very basic level. The Mets were a damn good team. They wouldn’t let the Marlins end their season yet again.

I think we know the story since then. I don’t need to delve into the hell that was 2009 nor do I have to go over some of the awful acquisitions. Sure, I started to think the Mets had a legit shot at the All-Star Break last season, but the quick fall to start off the second half brought me back down to earth in a hurry.

The current narrative is Sandy Alderson and his all-star front office. As a proponent of sabermetrics, I have no doubt that he’ll right the ship, as he has already started to do. But as much as I trust the guys now running the show, I want to have the same confidence in the guys on the field. And right now, how could anyone? There’s the injury questions for Beltran and Bay. There’s Wright’s schizophrenic hitting, and Reyes’ leg and OBP issues. Johan Santana, the man who once inspired so much confidence, might not even pitch this season.

But you can still have excitement without confidence. I can’t wait to see if Ike Davis can mash taters at an even higher rate, and to find out whether or not Brad Emaus is for real. I want to see Josh Thole develop into a solid backstop the Mets can depend on for years, and watch Jon Niese grow into the reliable workhorse we all want him to be. And I pray everyday that Bobby Parnell will take the closing job away from Francisco Rodriguez solely on merit. There’s plenty to look forward to this season — just most likely not a playoff race.

My hope for 2011 is that by the end of year, the state of the Mets will be easier to quantify and that the subsequent offseason will be that much better as a result. If Reyes’ fate is to be traded for prospects, and Ruben Tejada needs to take his place, then so be it. If Chrises Young and Capuano don’t work out, it’s not like the Mets have huge albatrosses to deal with going forward. All I ask for is a couple of things to go right, like Fernando Martinez or Reese Havens staying healthy for a whole year, or David Wright reverting back to the hitter he was pre-2009 — anything to keep me excited about the future, because that’s what this season is about. It may not be a rebuilding year in the traditional sense, but it’s no doubt a transitional and evaluational year.

Like I mentioned, I have confidence in the front office to do what’s right. I just can’t wait to feel the same way about the on-field product again.

Anyone else glad that baseball has an Opening Day this year as opposed to an Opening Night on ESPN? I’d like all the teams to kick off the season on one day, but I’m not going to complain about baseball starting today. Without further ado, here are my predictions for the season so you can laugh at them later.

AL EAST

Red Sox 94 - 68
Yankees 91 - 71
Rays 89 - 73
Blue Jays 82 - 80
Orioles 75 - 87

Every team in this division is so good that it pulls the top down. I really, really want to pick the Rays over the Yankees, but when I think about the Yankee lineup top-to-bottom, it’s just too good. The Red Sox might be the biggest favorite in any division this year, though. Just disgustingly stacked. The Rays have done their best to make up for the losses of Carl Crawford, Carlos Pena, Matt Garza, and practically their entire bullpen. The Blue Jays might well be better than last year, but I can’t predict another 85-win season for them in this division. The Orioles went out and created a good lineup for themselves, but their pitching leaves much to be desired.

AL CENTRAL

Twins 87 - 75
Tigers 84 - 78
White Sox 84 - 78
Indians 70 - 92
Royals 67 - 95

Another year, another crapshoot of deciding which of the top three teams to pick to win the AL Central. Since the Twins seem to emerge victorious more often than their rivals, I’ll go with them. Plus they have that shiny new stadium and the cover boy for MLB the Show two years running. The Tigers have two strikeout kings at the top of their rotation in Justin Verlander and Max Scherzer, and their lineup is nothing to sneeze at. The White Sox have the deepest rotation in the division and added Adam Dunn. Maybe they should be higher. The Indians and Royals are both pitiful, but at least the latter has a stockpile of talent in waiting.

AL WEST

Rangers 86 - 76
Athletics 84 - 78
Angels 80 - 82
Mariners 71 - 91

The Rangers are due for some major regression this year, with the reigning AL MVP heading the list. The A’s improved their lineup over the winter and their rotation is solid, especially if Brett Anderson stays healthy. The Angels added an overpriced outfielder and not much else. The Mariners have to be better than last year.

AL MVP: Adrian Gonzalez, Red Sox

Going from Petco Park to Fenway Park as a power hitter is like going from Madonna to Kate Hudson. I guess Adrian Gonzalez needs to go Dodger Stadium next.

AL Cy Young: Jon Lester, Red Sox

Two Red Sox winning the two big awards. Sorry, the dude is really good. He and Lance Armstrong have magic powers they gained from cancer.

AL ROY: Jeremy Hellickson, Rays

Obviously, the AL East is the only division in the American League.

AL Champion: Red Sox

Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz, Odd-Year Beckett, and John Lackey is a decent playoff rotation. With lights-out defense behind them, I see them rolling through the rest of the league. And have I mentioned their lineup?

NL EAST

Phillies 93 - 69
Braves 91 - 71
Mets 80 - 82
Marlins 79 - 83
Nationals 69 - 93

I’m not going to jump on the Braves bandwagon just yet. The Phillies still have four of the top dozen pitchers in the National League. Even if one goes down, that’s still three of the top ten. But if this isn’t the Braves’ year, it probably will be next year. And the next. Sigh. The Mets may already be starting 2011 off on the wrong foot, with Jason Bay already hurt, and Carlos Beltran still not 100%, but I think they threaten to crack .500 this year. The Marlins will be right in the middle of the pack like they always are, and the Nationals will bring up the rear while they wait for Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper.

NL CENTRAL

Brewers 85 - 77
Cardinals 83 - 79
Reds 83 - 79
Cubs 81 - 81
Astros 69 - 93
Pirates 68 - 94

The Brewers, even with injury concerns with their two big offseason pickups, Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, are the favorites here if only because they are obviously going all out this year. If they are in the race, I could see them targeting Jose Reyes at the trade deadline. The window closes when Prince Fielder leaves, and that’s after this season. The Cardinals even without Adam Wainwright will be a solid team as usual, and the Reds will come back down to earth a bit. The Cubs will surprise with a decent season, while the Astros and Pirates will continue being model trainwrecks.

NL WEST

Rockies 89 - 73
Giants 89 - 73
Dodgers 83 - 79
Padres 75 - 87
Diamondbacks 69 - 93

The Rockies and Giants will face off in a one-game playoff and somehow the Rockies will be the team to advance. The Rockies’ pitching staff may not be the Giants’, but they are dangerously underrated. But I’m probably picking the Rockies to win only because I want to see Troy Tulowitzki win an MVP award. Brandon Belt will be this year’s version of Buster Posey for the Giants. The Dodgers will be solid — I could easily see them outperforming this prediction. The Padres and Diamondbacks I can’t bring myself to write about. Don’t care now that Mat Latos is hurt, sorry.

NL MVP: Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies

I picked him last year, and I’m going with him again. Did you see him hit in September? He could hit 35 HR this year while hitting .300 and playing tremendous defense at shortstop.

NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum, Giants

I don’t want to break my rule of avoiding back-to-back winners. I’d say you shouldn’t bet against Roy Halladay, but you would have lost that bet in the playoffs last year. Against Tim Lincecum. Well ok, Halladay won Game 5, but that Jayson Werth home run was Citizens Bank Park bullshit.

NL ROY: Brandon Belt, Giants

I already said he was this year’s version of Buster Posey, didn’t I?

NL Champion: Phillies

I didn’t pick them last year, so I’m allowed to be boring and go with them this year. Sure, the lineup might be a shell of its former self, but we all saw the Giants’ pitching staff carry the team the last two months in 2010.

World Series Champion: Red Sox

Whatever.

I’ve re-embarked on my Simpsons viewing, and only a half-dozen episodes in, I can’t stop making animated GIFs of almost every funny moment. And there’s a lot. So I’ll put them all after the jump: read more…

A few months ago, I picked up Seasons 7-9 of The Simpsons on DVD for $14 each. It is somewhere in these seasons that the greatest cartoon to air on television lost its infallible tag. Some people see Seasons 3-7 as the absolute golden age of the show, with others extending it to Season 8. Eye on Springfield, pretty much the official unofficial site of The Simpsons, claims Seasons 1-9 as the time “when it was still funny.” Slowly going through the episodes again once I created a digital library by ripping Seasons 1-6, I’ll say the show didn’t really get funny until its third season. The first season is way too wholesome for my modern irreverent tastes (remember, these episodes are over twenty years old), and the second season features a show that still hasn’t hit its stride.

I’ve only gotten through the fourth season when it comes to my comprehensive re-watch, but just looking at the titles of the fifth, sixth, and seventh seasons I see a multitude of classic titles. Even Season 8 has its share of memorable episodes. Looking at Season 9, I’m not sure I remember too much after the premiere “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” — an episode which would obviously stick in the head of a native of New York (State). I’m sure this will change once I get around to finishing my now complete collection of worthwhile seasons of the show.

So when I resume my oft-interrupted marathon, I look forward to spotting GIF-able moments and scientifically calculating the season which first hinted at the long, long decline that has lasted longer than anyone could have imagined. It’s a decaying process that has created a terrible monster that resides on Sunday nights on FOX. If The Simpsons are Law and Order, Family Guy is SVU, American Dad is Criminal Intent, and The Cleveland Show is Los Angeles. This analogy is really unfair to Law and Order, but it’ll have to do.

In the meanwhile, I put up a poll to see what my five readers think. I refuse to vote until I’ve watched all my episodes.