Somewhat Manly Nerd

friend: so ive been playing killzone
friend: and it looks great
friend: but fps sucks on a controller im sorry
me: lol
me: hey, you enjoyed COD4
me: greatly
friend: very true
me: COD4 > KZ2 confirmed
friend: well, yes
friend: easily
me: another ps3 exclusive annihilated

In case you don’t know what Tumblr is, it’s a combination of blogging and social networking. It calls itself a micro-blogging service. People post shit like this. It’s a bit more substantial than something like Twitter, but I think less useful. And uglier. I made one just for the fuck of it, and named it accordingly.

My Morning Jacket – One Big Holiday (live)

I really don’t know why I haven’t posted this video before. Maybe I’ve just sent to it so many people that I thought I had put it on my blog at some point. I don’t remember specifically, but this video was definitely one of my first experiences with My Morning Jacket, and I was blown away and almost mad that I hadn’t listened to them before. Not too many bands are this awesome live. I think Okonokos, their live double album, should be in every rock collection. I think they’ve finally started to become somewhat popular, but with their latest album they decided to change their style up COMPLETELY (for the worse). Maybe that’s why they became popular, I don’t know. I do know that they are better than most of the new bands I hear on K-Rock. Not that I really listen. And maybe they’re shown on Fuse or something. I don’t even know what music is mainstream now; I only know what’s popular on the internets. Maybe that’s becoming one and the same. But I digress.

I wish I was watching Conan religiously at that point in time (2003, it appears), as I would’ve made sure to attend one of their concerts ASAP. I haven’t done that now, though. Hmm. That reminds me, I’ve been meaning to make a post about Conan since his run on Late Night ended. Favorite late night show host ever — the only one I ever felt at home with. Unfortunately, he did not have musical guests as good as MMJ often.

Spring training has started. But before the players even have a chance to get settled, some of them are going off to play in the World Baseball Classic. I’m not a huge fan, because not only do a lot of guys choose not to participate, but none of them are in mid-season form. I really love this idea. Fangraphs never disappoints. That is genius, but it will never happen because Bud Selig is a worthless, blubbering idiot.

Anyhow, I figure this is as good a time as any to post what I’m looking forward to this 2009 Mets season (and what I’m not).

I dread seeing:

Luis Castillo – I don’t care that he’s torn it up in the first two spring games — I still find his swing more painful to watch than American Idol. Unfortunately, if he continues on this road, he really might be batting leadoff on Opening Day.

Oliver Perez – This should be obvious to anyone who knows me or has read my blog before. Once he starts to display some semblance of consistency, he implodes spectacularly in a flurry of walks, mixed in with whatever else decides to go wrong.

Carlos Delgado – Halfway through the season, I will want him gone — just like the past two seasons.

Francisco Rodriguez – Oh sure, he broke the pointless save record, but that doesn’t make him anywhere close to the best closer in baseball. I’m just waiting for the first time he blows a couple of games in a week. It’s inevitable, along with New York sports talk becoming insufferable as a result.

I’m eager to watch…

Daniel Murphy – No doubt the guy I most want to watch play this year. I loved his approach at the plate last year an inordinate amount. He’s not going to replicate it (.386 BABIP* lol), but I’d be happy with .290/.375/.475, which is basically what Bill James is projecting him for. Of course, the uncertainty around whether he can really handle a starting role is what makes me so anxious to watch him play.

Johan Santana – The best Mets pitcher since Dwight Gooden. Dude is fucking awesome. Not much more to add to that. I still get chills when I think about that shutout the second-to-last game of the season. And then I get nauseous thinking about the last game.

David Wright – Mancrush.

J.J. Putz – Why am I excited to see Putz instead of K-Rod? Because there aren’t any expectations, and if he’s truly healthy, he’ll better than K-Rod. Mark it.

Jose Reyes – The Most Exciting Player in Baseball(TM). No, really, I keep hoping he’ll manage to keep his OBP high for an entire season. I don’t know when I’ll give that wish up.

Mike Pelfrey – Just a beast of a pitcher, and like Murphy, I’m looking to see if he can keep it up this season. He’s the type of pitcher that can be good for 230 innings a year. I’m giddy just writing that.

Ryan Church – A solid all-around player, other than his sliding ability. Once again, it’s uncertainty that makes me eager to see him in meaningful action. Will first half or second half Church show up? Hopefully, that second concussion didn’t fuck him up permanently.

John Maine – The 2007 version of Maine was the 2008 version of Pelfrey in terms of my appreciation for the two pitchers. I still really like Maine, but he needs to learn how to finish guys off. And not in the happy ending type of way.

Fernando Martinez – Near the bottom only because I’m not sure how much I’ll even see of him this season. Otherwise, he’d be right behind Murphy, considering he’s been touted as the Mets’ future LF for a while now. He needs to go one season without getting hurt first.

Carlos Beltran – Why at the bottom of this list? Because he just makes everything look too easy, and we know what to expect from him. Basically, he’s TOO good. The guy runs down balls in the gap unreachable for normal CF like he’s taking a morning jog.

But most of all…

Citi Field – Already got some tickets, and I cannot wait to check out the new stadium. I also hear the food is going to be goddamn amazing. The name may be a sore spot, but I’m sure once I’m inside I won’t give a shit that I basically paid for some poorly-run company to have its name all over the stadium.

*For the uninformed, BABIP stands for “Batting Average of Balls In Play.” Trust me, .386 is absurdly high and impossible to maintain.

I just had the best round of my Team Fortress 2 career. The opportunity to mow down multitudes of frolicking scouts will never present itself again, so I had to take advantage. I had 13 caps and 37 points in one life. To a halfway-decent TF2 player, that may not seem impressive, but it’s the most points I’ve ever had on one point, and I hadn’t even approached my record since the initial launch period and I went on a sniping spree. Maybe one other sniping life came close, but I certainly never came close with Heavy. I still only have a few hours of playtime with the Heavy, so that epic run makes it look like I’m awesome, when I’m actually a vagina of a Heavy. I do not usually make Mother Russia proud, as evidenced by the fact that I still don’t have any of the Heavy’s unlocks.

So I’d love to give some impressions of the new weapons, but I spent my time killing all the other people double-jumping around in order to amass an arsenal. Instead, I will post this video of all the Scout’s new domination taunts.

Edit: What the shit, my run apparently got wiped from my stats. It was there right after, but now it’s gone. I am just posting this so you do not think I am a liar. I know that revelation would’ve been life-changing. No need to worry, it’s just Steam’s fault.

Greg Rutter’s Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You’re a Loser or Old or Something

Pretty decent list. Of course, there are going to be videos or websites that were particularly special to a group of friends that you think you should be on there, but I think he covered all the huge ones. The one video I would add would be Tokyo Breakfast. It was right up there with the GI Joe dubbed cartoons back in middle school. And I have had random people on the internet quote it along with me, so I know it wasn’t just my group of friends.

Ah, I haven’t watched that in so long. Still obscenely hilarious.

(Also, Chuck Norris facts were massive for a while there, but I guess they fell from grace.)

8 Oscars for Slumdog Millionaire?? First they took our IT jobs, now this. Next thing you know, 7-Elevens across the country will be shutting down.

It wasn’t really a surprise, though, as the film has been hyped as the feel-good story of the year, and its competition wasn’t exactly strong. At least that’s what I hear, considering I haven’t seen any of them. I actually tried to convince my dad to go see Slumdog with my mom last night when he said he wanted to go to the movies (this never happens), but he thought it sounded too cheesy. I can’t blame him, as that’s the reason I haven’t seen it either. I rather go see The Wrestler — the film probably most shafted by the Academy.

I know most geeks on the internet will say The Dark Knight was obviously the most shafted, but it actually won two awards, while The Wrestler was only nominated for two. The Boss getting left out when there were only three songs nominated is total fucking garbage. Now, I’m going to pretend that I saw both movies and say that Mickey Rourke should’ve won Best Actor over Sean Penn. (A sidenote: Clint Eastwood should’ve been nominated for Gran Torino, since he carried the entire film) This is all California’s fault. If Proposition 8 failed, Rourke would’ve won. But no, the majority of the state had to hate gays, so the people of Hollywood had to make it known that gays are cool. And Penn had to preach from the stage. The Oscars never get by without some politicking.

But maybe Rourke will get a pity Oscar sometime down the road when he’s in his 60s, which isn’t far off. I couldn’t believe when I found out today that he is 56. The guy was in pretty damn impressive shape for The Wrestler. That is Stallone-level shit right there. Probably why Stallone recruited him for the movie destined to have the highest concentration of testoterone ever — The Expendables. That linked article doesn’t even mention that Arnold will have a cameo.

But now I’m getting off-topic. Possibly because I don’t have much to say about these Oscars. The only other notable thing would be Pixar’s offerings continuing to be treated as second-class productions. And Adrian Brody being the odd man out in the collection of past Best Actor winners. De Niro, Hopkins, Douglas, Kingsley…Brody. Let’s not talk about the musical parts with Hugh Jackman in the lead. He has to be some sort of new super-homosexual. A gay man that looks more masculine — but can also sing and dance better — than every heterosexual male.

Oh wait, I almost forgot about the awesome acceptance speeches by Japanese guys that set stereotypes back 50 years. YouTube links will be added later if they are put up.

And here we go:

Genesis – The Musical Box (live)

I was deciding between this and “21st Century Schizoid Man” by King Crimson, but chose this due to being a pretty damn great live performance. And to make it known to the ignorant young kids out there — even though Patrick Bateman would kill me — that Phil Collins didn’t always suck. I grew up hearing his solo albums and the 80′s Genesis albums that he fronted. So I was pretty surprised when I first heard early Genesis — particularly this song. I think Peter Gabriel just managed to hold down Collins’ suckiness through the 70′s. This is Yes and King Crimson-type stuff here. Top-notch classic progressive rock. And these dudes are like 20 years old in this video. My life has been so inconsequential.

There’s an arbitrary ranking of movie trilogies — some that aren’t even trilogies — making its rounds on the internet. I will not post it here, because I do not support such unfounded and capricious internet items. We need critics to tell us which films to pay to see; we need the mass of Asberger’s afflicted IMDB users to inform us of which movies are infallible classics, like The Dark Knight, the 6th greatest movie of all-time. No, I will not let such a ranking stand, a ranking in which The Terminator is put far below its sequel; a ranking in which Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade are equally entertaining; a ranking that counts the first three Star Trek films as a trilogy while not even including the Bourne trilogy. A true analysis of these trilogies is needed, and I am just the man to provide it.

With my trusty Microsoft Excel 2008 program, I plugged in ratings from both IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, and averaged them, to come up with what should be the universally accepted rankings of these movie “trilogies”.

Perfect. Except for having Die Harder being ranked above Die Hard with a Vengeance. But you know what? There are crazies out there that like With a Vengeance more than the original Die Hard. This is a “fuck you” to them.

And OK, I can’t end this post without at least posting a link to the original Trilogy Meter.

The Scout update isn’t even here yet, but just the fact that I know that it is imminent has me ready to jump back into the multiplayer FPS of recent history. The new unlockable weapon pictured above only adds to the anticipation. Just in time for spring training.

Details (and future details) found at the Scout update site here.

The farther the ball flies before ricocheting offa some chucklehead’s skull, the longer he’s gonna be stunned. And guys who think they’re tough because they’re invulnerable? It works on them too. Now the bad news: You can’t double jump when you’re carrying this little beauty.

I’m really curious as to how the Sandman’s mechanics work, exactly. There has to be a delay for the Scout to toss the ball up to himself, no? And I imagine it will be extremely hard to hit distant targets, as the stun time time increases with flight length. It’s probably a pretty high arching ball, and I wonder if people will be able to consciously dodge them. I’m sure ubered Heavies would be glad to know they could dodge these balls as they fly across the level.

There are plenty of days on that Scout update site, so I’m hoping there are a bunch of new maps added as well. It’ll be fun to see if Valve can top this genius with the Scout’s other two weapons. Although, they do seem to leave the best for last in these pages, so I’m pretty freaking excited. You should be too. It’s amazing how Valve has kept the love of this game so high by creating substantial additions and spreading them out perfectly.  And it’s all free. Valve has pretty much cemented itself as the greatest gaming company of the past few years.