Somewhat Manly Nerd

You waited two and half weeks for another Mad Men update, muahaha. I’m about four days late posting this, and I’ve already read numerous blog posts — mostly on Slate, due to the Google Reader sharing of a certain someone — about the episode, and I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation when it comes to blackface anyway. What can a person born in 1986, totally void of any experience with the practice, say about blackface? Wait, I take that back — I have seen some Japanese videogame/anime covers or screenshots that were a tinsy bit over-the-top. But an actual white person painted up like Roger Sterling up here? No sir. I’ve only heard about Amos n’ Andy from my grandfather, who seemed to be a big fan.

Sometimes I’m not sure what to think about Mad Men anymore, and I blame the “previously on Mad Men” setup prior to the airing of each episode. It really makes me feel — or reminds me? — that I’m watching a period soap opera with insanely high production values. I’ve definitely been reading too many of those Slate musings. I’m not even sure how they’re able to pump out so much material out of each episode. It’s as if the writers on the site are having a conversation, only each time they speak they spew out a bunch of paragraphs. I wish I could do that, as it seemingly takes me forever to put together more than two paragraphs for a blog post. Either I decide I have nothing interesting to say, or I can’t figure out how to say it. I think writing on as little sleep as possible helps such a problem, since at some point you don’t give a shit due to your alertness being on par to being a few beers under. This is why I’m rambling right now. Typing up a blog post at 4:00 AM is the way to go, apparently.

Season 3 of Mad Men definitely started off well tonight, looking past the absolutely confusing and seemingly pointless opening scene. That was like some Lost-type shit, what with a flashback that Don Draper should not even be able to have, since he wasn’t actually there. Or maybe I’m completely off. I guess the miscarriage scene was just Don’s fear of losing his baby? Whatever, I was hooked once I saw the very first painting featuring a women getting raped by an octopus. Ratings just shot up in Japan.

If you want an actual review of the episode, just check out the A.V. Club, as always. I’m just here for the stupid shit, especially GIFs. I don’t even know how people can write 1,000 words on 45 minutes of television.

Dude just ran 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. I’m not even sure my old 1987 Volvo could have done that. When will we hit the limit of human anatomy when it comes to such a short event? Can you imagine some ancient Roman seeing a person run this fast? They would have thought he was a god.

Perhaps you’ve heard of this workout routine/program called P90X? I’ve seen it in a magazine or two, and heard about it online, but I’m not sure how many people know about it in general. Nonetheless, I’m going to write a bullshit post about it; more specifically, I’m going to clarify what exactly it is — and how half-assed I’m doing it.

The cool thing about this program is that all you need is a pull-up bar, some low-to-medium weight dumbbells (15 lb-30 lb to start), a fitness mat, and an hour and a half a day. I don’t even have the fitness mat, but I’ve been meaning to buy one since I started. The “90″ in the title refers to the amount of days in the program, while the “X” is for XTREME, which I’m sure you could have guessed. The “45″ in my title seemed more clever before I wrote out the reason for the “90″ in the original, and the “L” stands for LAZY. I’m working on another level of funny.

I would make fun of the X for XTREME, but these workouts are pretty damn intense. I’m not in the best of shape, but I’m sure even my gym rat buddies would work up a decent sweat from doing 24 sets of alternating various styles of push-ups and pull-ups, which — other than a few other exercises — comprises the chest and back workout. I usually make it halfway through before I just collapse and give up, which I figure is still better than nothing. This pretty much goes for all the other workouts, too. And I don’t think it’s just the exhaustion; I get bored pretty quickly working out, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Just for a taste, the CLASSIC schedule for the first three weeks is:

Chest & Back + Ab Ripper X
Plyometrics
Shoulders & Arms + Ab Ripper X
Yoga X
Legs & Back + Ab Ripper X
Kenpo X
Rest or X Stretch

(I think that last one should be Stretch X, don’t you?)

And you know what, I just noticed that there’s a LEAN program on the schedule. Fuck me. Whatever, it’s not like I follow the above schedule to a T anyway. I usually end up running on the “in-between” days — the days between actual focused workouts. It’s working well enough. No before and after pics will be displayed, though. Sorry to disappoint the ladies out there.

The deal is that after three weeks plus a recovery week, the workouts are switched up. Muscle confusion! At least that’s what they call it, who the fuck knows if it’s total bullshit or not. This is done twice for a total of three phases of XTREME WORKOUT. I don’t even have to believe the before and after testimonial pictures to think that there will be massive improvement by the end of the 90 days. I think I’m already feeling a bit better after two weeks, and that’s without following the diet.

Yes, there’s a diet portion to all this. Suggested meals and recipes complete with nutritional guides. If you don’t want to follow their perfect diet, you can try to follow their guidelines for each food group. The diet is in phases too — they thought of everything! As much as I think many advertised workouts and diets are bullshit, this P90x thing seems to be pretty serious. I don’t have the dedication or willpower to follow such a all-encompassing activity, but I can’t imagine anyone who does not getting positive results.

I should have gotten money to write this post. Tony Horton, you owe me.

This is a photo of David Wright getting hit in the head with a 94 mph Matt Cain fastball today, right after the FOX announcers stated that the incoming inside fastball was ‘Good Ol’ Country Hardball.’ Sure was. Wright has a concussion and will be in the hospital overnight, yet I’m sure the Mets’ medical staff will find a way to injure him further in the meantime. I’m going to consider him Church’d for the rest of the season, so I have already managed my fantasy teams accordingly. I’ll be shocked if he reaches double digits in HRs at this point.

I’ll also be shocked if the season closes out without Johan Santana getting hit in the face with a line drive. As embarrassing as it was to see Santana throw behind Pablo “Kung-Fu Panda” Sandoval in retaliation, and then let up a home run to the fat fuck, I guess it was better than the aforementioned scenario. If Parnell throws another gem like he did yesterday, I’d probably store him away for the rest of the season.

So the Mets lineup is officially done now. Gary Sheffield has the highest OPS left on the team, but he only can play 3 games a week before breaking down, which leaves Jeff Francoeur as the most dangerous everyday bat on the team currently. How did it come to this? The entire CORE down, 12 games behind the Phillies, 10 games out of the wild card. This is worst case scenario shit.

Meanwhile, the Braves are actually staying in the hunt for the NL East title, thanks to Brad Lidge continuing to make up for all the blown saves he missed last year. The goddamn Braves are 5 games ahead of the Mets, and they have Tim Hudson coming back. Why am I still getting worked up over this? Didn’t I declare the season dead a month ago? I should be happy with Parnell’s promising walk-less start, and that should be enough.

Radiohead – These Are My Twisted Words

Why do I bring up Muse in a Radiohead post? Because that’s what everyone else does — or is that just internet forums? I feel like a lot of people won’t even agree that this song is any good, but just something about its spaciness that grabs me. There are rumors of a new EP flying around. Just thought I’d mention that.

Fuck Shane Victorino — even if he’s doing well for my fantasy team. I’d still pour beer on him.

The best show on television is back on Sunday, August 16th at 10 pm. Set your schedule accordingly. And watch the past two seasons in the five days you have left. I know I’ve said Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but the second season was over months ago. Mad Men and Breaking Bad are 1A and 1B, so it comes down to which one is airing — or closest to airing. It’s almost like AMC took all the good writing talent from HBO! Oh wait…

What with the time-jumps between seasons, I have to imagine they’ll cover the JFK assassination this time around, which should make for fantastic television. I’d look up the rumors or leaks about when the season actually starts, but I rather be surprised. Not to mention I waste enough time on the internet NOT scrounging for spoilers. Why would I care anyway, when I just want to see Christina Hendricks’ outfits and Don Draper being a man’s man; everything else on the show is just icing. Christina Hendricks is eye-candy perfected and Don makes me want to buy a suit, smoke two packs a day, and get married to some angelic woman — just so I could cheat on her.

In celebration of this momentous occasion, I bring you three Mad Men gifs after the jump.

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Remember when I posted that women’s exercise video? Probably not. I think this is awesome anyway.