I’ll repeat what I said on Twitter: it’s like I just watched my childhood get sodomized by a dozen prison inmates with AIDS. How many times has The Simpsons jumped the shark now? How is it even still on television? Do any of these characters even qualify as characters anymore? There really should be a Supreme Court ruling on how long shows can go on for. Or just declare the first 8 or 9 seasons of the show a historical landmark or something so they can’t be touched and every other season is burned.
I went ahead and took my own suggestion to move this thing to Saturday morning. I hope you approve. This week’s links are sponsored by George, a tale of heartbreak and redemption.
Phillies 2012: A Look Ahead – MLB Trade Rumors gives me hope that the Mets will be able to win the NL East in two years. Hopefully by then Fernando Martinez will be in the OF; Ruben Tejada or Wilmer Floree, 2B; Josh Thole, C; and Jenrry Mejia in the rotation. I wonder if that last sentence was at all grammatically correct.
Ken Blackwell, Author Of ‘Blueprint,’ Tries To Convince Jon Stewart That Obama Is A Tyrant, Fails (VIDEO) – I’m just kinda embarrassed for this guy. He wrote a book and he’s not even able to back it up. At all.
Team Fortress 2: 119th Update! – I haven’t played TF2 for quite a while, but it’s easily one of my favorite games of the past few years, and it’s certainly one that keeps on giving. Valve rocks. I need to load it up just to get my GRIZZLED VETERAN medal.
The Chase is on – Adam Rubin lobby that Chase Utley is “poised” to take the title of Most Feared Opponent of Mets Fans from Chipper Jones. I’d say that already happened. My mancrush is only proof of how terrified I am whenever he comes to the plate. For an opposing player to already have unofficially claimed naming rights to a section of a stadium is just impressive.
Apple shutting down Lala music service – I thought Microsoft was supposed to be the evil company? Now I can’t stream the albums The A.V. Club reviews? Fuck you, Steve Jobs.
Blame The Superstar Syndrome – Why David Wright was getting booed. Or why Mike Francesa was saying to trade him a year and a half ago. Or why sometimes I end up talking about trading Jose Reyes.
Batman 3 Release Date Set – I was really tempted to make this its own post. But all I have to say is July 20, 2012. I hope it doesn’t suck; I don’t want Christopher Nolan to go out on a bad note before the world ends.
SUPER MARIO CROSSOVER: in which you play Super Mario Bros. as other iconic NES characters. The first time I played as Samus in this underground level, I pretty much nerdgasmed. And the appropriate power-ups for each character? What a fucking impressive, nostalgia-overload-inducing creation.
Since I just blogged about turning 24, my love of this flash game makes me wonder at what age do kids not immediately recognize the above pic? And that Samus does not belong there? 20? 18? 15? 10? I really have no idea. It obviously depends on a huge amount of factors, so let’s say at what age does 50% of the narrow one-year demographic fail to be awesome?
I should totally do a study by visiting high schools and middle schools across the U.S., showing this screenshot — among other NES ones — and see how much they know. How much would Obama pay me for that invaluable research? I think this idea is worth time and money more than having Senate hearings on steroids in baseball, but that’s just me.
My birthday was today. See what I did there?
So I’m officially in my mid-20s now. Shit. I don’t even know what this entails, other than feeling old when teenagers say Seinfeld sucks. Am I supposed to have a career yet? Or any idea of what I want to do with my life? Or perhaps a serious girlfriend? At least none of my friends are engaged yet. That’d make me feel way too behind on my growing-up schedule.
First order of business: 24/2 + 7 = 19. Alright. If only 19 and 20-year-olds were allowed in bars in America. Oh wait, that’s barely enforced anyway. And that was much more of an issue when I was 21 (and younger, naturally). Now there’s three whole years of girls younger than me legally roaming the alcoholic establishments! But still, Europe has the right idea in this case. I’d vote for America to bail out Greece if it meant the legal age dropping to 18. I swear that connection made sense in my head.
Regarding another important topic, the New York Mets are in first place in the midst of a seven-game winning streak; the Braves are in last place in the midst of a nine-game losing streak. These are two of the greatest gifts I could have received. And really the only ones I did receive. But it’s more than enough. I hope Bobby Cox’s last year managing is spent in the cellar and he gets thrown out of 40 games because he’s so miserable.
Baseball and girls. I think that’s all important topics covered.
Should I be setting goals for what I want to do in the next year? By the time I’m 30? Maybe that would help. I’ll think about it. And then not do it.
Happy Birthday to me.
Jaga Jazzist – One-Armed Bandit
I was tempted to go with a Black Keys song off their latest album slated to be released in May, but I figured after how the last music post with a leaked song turned out, I’d go with a track that’s already been officially released.
Hopefully this song sufficiently blows your mind. Maybe you don’t like a multi-layered sound with brass and electronic noises and flute all coming at you at once accompanied by abrupt time-signature changes, but you should. And if you do, check out the full album (also by the name One-Armed Bandit), as it’s fantastic.
I find that the only albums I find myself listening to over and over front to back beginning to end are ones where there’s arguably too  much going on.
Note: For whatever reason, the flash code for embedding mp3s wasn’t freaking working, so I unfortunately have to post a low quality YouTube video. Garbage.
Note 2: I should acknowledge @deathbyvolcano‘s superior music knowledge, as he was the one who told me to check out this album.
I’m going to get rid of this awesome graphic on the side of my blog. Hey, maybe I’ll bring it back when Conan’s show on TBS is about to start up for a reminder to everyone, but for now, I’m not with Coco. Not because I don’t still love him, but because I didn’t even buy a ticket for his NYC shows. In my defense, I found out about an hour after they came on sale, and by then they were all gone, but a real Coco supporter would have been on the ball. A real Conan fan would have watched The Tonight Show more often than sporadicly after the first couple of weeks.
But I did and still do feel some connection with him, since he was always my late-night host. It just so happens that I haven’t watched any late-night shows religiously for a long, long time. I watched Late Night through my prepubescent and adolescent years if I was up that late. Some point along there I started watching The Daily Show as well — even before Jon Stewart was the host. Remember Craig Kilborn? Sure you don’t.
But once I hit college, those TV viewing habits fell to the wayside. It wasn’t just late-night shows, it was practically all television. In the years that followed, I got into The Colbert Report for a little while, but even that interest quickly faded.
And this was how it went until it was announced that Conan would get The Tonight Show. Conan! It was what all his fans had been waiting for. I naturally watched the last few weeks of his awesome show and eagerly waited for his new gig. Little did I know it wouldn’t last a year.
And maybe it was my fault. Maybe it was all our faults. His fans didn’t watch his show nearly as much as they did years ago, and the people who loved Leno weren’t about to warm up to Conan. My parents are probably not indicative of their age group, as they actually love Conan, but it’s not like they stay up to watch late-night shows. So we all failed. Sure, it was really Jay Leno’s fault, but Conan was made expendable by his ratings.
And for being part of the problem, I do not deserve to display his banner.
This post has been sponsored by the Not-Sure-If-Serious Blog-Filler Organization.
The situational training has paid off.
I’d say this is as good a time as any to gush about the guy who will become — if he isn’t already — the best position player the Mets have ever had.
In the 868 games he’s played, he’s racked up 143 HR, 575 RBI, and 126 SB, while hitting at a .308/.391/.517 clip. Of course, during the SNY broadcast of tonight’s game, Gary Cohen had to put Wright in company with Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio, saying that only those three New York players reached 1,000 hits in that few games with that many home runs. That’s stretching it a little bit, but Wright’s career is certainly off to an awesome start and anyone that booed him this past week deserves to have beer poured on his head.
Looking at those HR and SB totals got me thinking that Wright could possibly become a member of the 300-300 club — a club I didn’t realize included Reggie Sanders and Steve Finley until I just looked it up. Sure, it might also include Barry and Bobby Bonds, Willie Mays, and Andre Dawson, but those two other guys kinda sour it, don’t they? At least if we’re talking about Hall of Fame status. Both of them are behind even Jim Rice in career WAR!
But then I thought of another stat to add to that club: a .300 average. That eliminates all but Willie Mays (yes, Barry Bonds’ career average is only .298). If David Wright somehow manages to maintain that all-important .300 number, people will be talking about him in company with Willie Mays all the time. The Hall of Fame couldn’t be far behind.
Sure, I may be perpetuating the idea of these stupid arbitrary clubs, but even I have to admit they’re kinda fun sometimes. Everyone loves round numbers, and the beauty of a .300-300-300 club cannot be denied. I probably should have named this post after the idea because it’s so awesome.
Plugging Wright’s career stats into the quick and dirty Bill James career assessments formula, he has a 91% chance of reaching 300 HR, and a 72% chance of reaching 300 SB. I’d say the former percentage is spot-on, but even I’m not that optimistic about 300 SB. I feel like a player’s SB totals decline faster with age than his HR counts, but I forget if this has actually been proven or not. But it seems obvious, doesn’t it? Either way, the .300 average might be the toughest to end his career with.
Admittedly, the 300-300 club is going to explode in the next few years, as Alex Rodriguez, Alfonso Soriano, and Carlos Beltran are all locks. And Mike Cameron and Bobby Abreu will probably enter it as well. Even Derek Jeter has a shot. But out of all those, A-Rod and Jeter (the two Yankees, of course) are the ones who would be hitting over .300. And A-Rod isn’t a lock for that batting average milestone, since he’s signed with the Yankees for I believe the next 28 years. He’s bound to continue his decline and he’s sitting at only .305 right now.
In ten years we might be looking at a snazzy .300-300-300 club that everyone can love, and it will possibly contain Mays, A-Rod, Jeter and Wright.
Man, people will only hate New York even more once this is plastered all over ESPN. But I hope you’ll remember you heard it here first.*
*Or at least pretend that I’m actually the first person to ever say this. I did the requisite Googling and I didn’t find anything, but nothing on the internet is original.
Presented by a college baseball player doing his best Willie Mays Hays impression. And I’m starting to think that maybe these posts would make more sense on a Saturday morning…
The 120 Minutes Archive – Remember when MTV used to play music videos? Me neither. But here’s your time machine. YouTube can still be immensely useful, it seems.
The Art of Naming A Fantasy Team – I take pride that none of my three teams this year fall into one of those most popular categories. F-Core Future wins.
FSI Language Courses – This is pretty insane. Learning material in PDF and audio form for 41 languages. I’ve always wanted to learn Swahili.
What if I had bought Apple stock instead? – Makes me wish I bought Apple stock when I was 11 years old. What kind of dumb kid didn’t realize Steve Jobs was about to rescue his company from irrelevance?
Mike Pelfrey and His Soft Stuff – Some light, PitchFX-informed discussion about Mike Pelfrey’s early season success. I think any Mets fan should be interested. Summary: he isn’t throwing his fastball as much.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy – No, this is not the book, but a review of it. A review with which I agree wholeheartedly. So you should go read the book. ASAP.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t pull myself away from the computer, lest I miss a huge hit from one of my players or an implosion by one of my pitchers. And I have a lot of players and pitchers to keep track of. Yahoo! StatTracker is always open, and I can’t help look at it every minute. This is obsession at its most time-destroying.
Right now I’m flipping out at A.J. Burnett having a 3.00 WHIP today. AND NOW HE JUST GAVE UP ANOTHER HIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME. This is in my regular draft head-to-head league with internet fellow internet forum denizens. I am currently losing 2-8 for the week and I HATE A.J. BURNETT. Tim Lincecum could have thrown a perfect game and he wouldn’t have counterbalanced this ineptitude.
This is just a small example of my thought process over the course of each night, sometimes day. This weekend I will be checking all day and night while I’m in my house. If I had an iPhone, I’d be in big trouble. I’d end up setting an alarm to remind me to check every 5 minutes.
“Wait a second, hot chick talking to me, I need to see if Cole Hamels melted down.”
Just kidding, I’d never have that douche on one of my fantasy teams.
My roto team is the worst, because it’s so stupid to keep track day-by-day, nevermind minute-by-minute. Just an hour ago I was +6.0 points on the day due to some great pitching performances, but now I’m at -0.5 points because my lineup has been THAT bad. Roto is about the ridiculously long haul of the entire season, so getting worked up about a 3/30 performance from my offense is pointless. Maybe I should apply this philosophy when I watch Jason Bay strike out for the third time in the Mets game tomorrow. He’s going to come around, and the players on my roto team might go 15/35 with 4 HR tomorrow.
So why the fuck am I glued to my screen following the Giants-Cardinals matchup since the two starters represent my opponent and myself in the aforementioned H2H league ? I’m going to walk away right now, I swear.
But not before saying I am coasting in my auction draft H2H league. Roy Halladay for $35. Bargain of the year.
You might be saying, “Then why are you writing about it?” — because the NFL Draft, or at least the 1st round, was today and my Twitter feed was filled with Tim Tebow jokes. And because if anyone is searching “NFL Draft”, maybe they’ll click on my blog. So stop judging, asshole.
I’m sure I don’t care because I’m not that big a football fan. I already forgot who the Jets picked with whatever pick they even had, and I’m supposedly a Jets fan. How am I supposed to care about college football players when the baseball season isn’t even a month old? Why would I even watch the NFL Draft over the Stanley Cup Playoffs? One is fifteen minutes of waiting broken up with half-minute spurts of cheering; the other is high-speed, high-contact sport at its highest level. Maybe I shouldn’t say highest, considering the Winter Olympics were only a few months ago and those U.S. – Canada contests were fucking awesome.
Arguments about level of play aside, the NFL Draft would be very low on my list of things to watch. I understand following it to know who was drafted, but holy shit, listening to hours of commentary by blowhards about 22-year-olds who are good at football? I rather subject myself to hours of insane babbling from Lost fanatics. But that’s possibly because I built up an immunity at my former job. It’s nice not to have to watch Lost the day it airs anymore; it reveals just how little I care about the show at this point and how I’m going through the motions of watching until it mercifully ends in a month. Of course, due to my love-hate relationship, I’ll stupidly allow myself to get excited for the finale, only to be massively disappointed. Fortunately, I’ve also already built up an immunity to horrible finales due to Battlestar Galactica.
How did I get talking about ensemble science-fiction television shows? Oh yeah, they’re more interesting than the NFL Draft. The NFL Draft fits very nicely in the reality show mold, and I’ve never watched any of those either — even Jersey Shore. Or maybe it’s more like a primetime game show, in the sense that it takes forever for someone to answer a question or decide with suitcase to open, and that once they answer it, the host teases the next question before the show cuts to a commercial. Fuck, I hate that shit. I can’t believe I watched Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader? that one time. But that was only a half-hour, not multiple hours like the NFL Draft. And not just multiple hours, but multiple DAYS. How could anyone stand watching that much idle television? Is it truly suspenseful waiting for the next pick to be made?
Perhaps people really do get into the drama, as I saw at least one person get pissed at the NFL Network for “spoiling” picks. One of the more bizarre tweets I have ever seen. And this guy is usually cool! The NFL Draft clearly makes sane people lose their minds. I guess I’d argue they lost their minds once they decided to watch, but everyone makes mistakes. I would like someone to explain to me the reason for getting pissed at that, though. Is it equivalent to saying Brett Favre is going to get picked two seconds before it happens? Is that what the NFL Draft is now, the same as a real athletic competition? Perhaps I should have asked this tweeter, but I was too busy watching Johan Santana pitch the Mets to victory. He’s still no Roy Halladay, though.
I just don’t see what watching the draft adds over, say, having a massive pop-up on your computer each time someone is drafted. Sure, watching Jets fans boo their pick is entertaining, but is it worth the time sink? Maybe I should ask myself the same question about watching this hopeless Mets season, but actual baseball > football transactions. Watching the NFL Draft is worse than watching C-SPAN.
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