59-Year-Old Men Are Only Good For 71 Holes

2009 July 19

Tom Watson is no Tiger Woods, and that was a good thing — until the final putt.

The British Open was over once Watson totally flubbed the 5-foot putt that would have won him the Claret Jug. Yet I kept watching the trainwreck go down. I’m always looking for ways to troll golf, and what better ammunition than an AARP-eligible man winning a major? Federer vs. Tiger arguments would be over forever. I think they already should be, personally, but lots of people play golf, so they know it is pretty difficult. But being a hustler at billiards is pretty hard, too. Or being a champion bowler.

Anyhow, this is taking away from the fact that some guy older than my father almost beat a field of guys half his age over 72 holes of golf. It’s an accomplishment just being to walk the course for four straight days at that point. If he only didn’t pull a Greg Norman choke job. And Tiger missed the cut! *cue laughing* So fucking fantastic. I just love hating. I’ll take any opportunity.

It was sad to watch Watson fall apart in the playoff, though. I can’t hate on him, even if he smashed a drive so far into the rough that he couldn’t even get it out in one shot. No one will remember that Stewart Cink beat him, just like no one remembers who the benefactor of Jean Van De Velde’s choke-job-for-the-ages was. People will remember Watson, and how everyone was rooting for him, and how he came up just short. And people will remember this is why you don’t get your hopes up. /bitter Mets fan

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