Tom Brady Is Still The Anti-Christ

Just a little update on this spawn of Satan. I’ve noticed that my previous declaration of Tom Brady’s true nature has been by far my most popular post recently (no doubt with some help from Digg). I figured he at least deserved another post, considering his powers of evil have presented him with the opportunity for a perfect season this Sunday. Not to mention the events that have since transpired that only support my hypothesis: leaving his long-time girlfriend after getting her pregnant, taping other teams’ signs, and bringing together Yankees and Red Sox fans on the internet. Oh yes, I have seen it. Perhaps this fact is more damning of the scum involved, but some people are sadly too weak to resist the occult powers of Brady. It took me an hour to clean the projectile vomit out of my keyboard after seeing a virtual high-five between two fans of the aforementioned teams.

His powers have also reinvigorated Randy Moss, caused Defensive Coordinators to call timeouts at the worst possible times, and have turned the Red Sox into World Champions. Don’t let the Yankee cap fool you. That’s just him trying to trick the world into looking away from the truth. Hell, even the Celtics are trouncing the NBA. But even Brady knows not to waste his powers on the NHL.

I’m convinced that his loss to Peyton Manning last year was a sign of God’s intervention. God has taken the Manning brothers under his wing; it is fairly obvious that Peyton’s powers have been transferred to Eli this postseason. Brady’s fear of the newly-powerful Manning family most likely spurred him to make those Giants field-goal attempts go awry in the NFC Championship Game. But Brett Favre’s ineptitude was able to override his powers. I guess he couldn’t make THREE game-winning field-goal attempts go wide. Whether or not the Giants can slay the beast is just a matter of how well Eli can channel God’s power to combat Evil Lord Brady.

Do I think he can do it? Can’t say I’m counting on it. But I’ve been betting against the Giants this entire season. Hopefully they’ll continue to prove me wrong. For the sake of humanity.

Related posts:

1. Tom Brady Is The Anti-Christ
2. Tom Brady’s Deal With The Devil Has Obviously Expired
3. Tom Brady HAHAHAHA