Boston Shouldn’t Be This Good At Sports
The Red Sox just won the American League pennant. The Patriots are 7-0 and Tom Brady looks like he’s going to demolish the season touchdown record. The Celtics now have Kevin Garnett and look to be one of the best teams in the East. The Bruins…well, who cares about hockey.
A decade ago, the entire country could rest easy knowing that while the Bruins and Celtics were respectable franchises, the Patriots and Red Sox would always ultimately end up losers. And football and baseball are the two big sports anyway, with the Red Sox being THE team of Boston. Since the dawn of the 21st century, both the Red Sox and Patriots have been dominant teams, with the latter being a historic juggernaut. The Red Sox winning their first World Series in 82 years was enough to make people start going to church in preparation for the Apocalypse.
Boston fans no longer wait the wheels to fall off. It looked like they were about to in the 7th inning tonight, but a bonehead move by the Indians’ third base coach cost the Indians the tying run, and then the Indians’ bus subsequently had its wheels fall off, tumbled down a cliff, and burned in a massive inferno. A Game 7 that was on its way to being an all-time classic ended up being an embarrassing 11-2 win for the Red Sox. They won the last two games of the series at Fenway Park by a combined score of 23-4. The Indians shit the bed and then proceeded to roll in the sheets.
Now only God’s Wrath in the form of the Colorado Rockies can stop the Red Sox. Ultimately, I think the massive layoff will hurt them. Plus, I just can’t imagine them keeping this insanity any longer, especially against this Red Sox team. They are just incredible. Josh Beckett is like Roger Clemens in his prime — a nasty, hard-throwing Texan — only he’s actually good in the postseason. He’s just amazing to watch, even in postgame conferences.
He fits right in with the rest of team. Manny tells it like it is, saying that it wouldn’t be the “end of the world” if the Sox lost — something Red Sox fans definitely don’t want to hear. Dustin Pedroia was caught partying it up after the Red Sox clinched the AL East title. The entire bullpen plays fucking songs out in the outfield throughout the game with whatever objects they can find. And Papelbon has his tough guy face, and goggles:
I’m absolutely disgusted right now. In addition to the Red Sox completing their ALCS comeback, the Jets blew their game today against the fucking BENGALS in the second half while the Patriots continued their march to an inevitable Super Bowl win and possible undefeated season (it’s all riding on that Colts game coming up). How did this happen?
A comment from GAF:
Massachusetts is like Israel and Brady is our lord returning from Heaven, the Red Sox are Brady’s Angels obviously. It all makes sense. Such a beautiful moment.
To which I replied:
If that’s truly the case, this will all be worth it to see Brady die on a crucifix.
It would truly be glorious. Here’s to hoping this is God’s master plan.