Somewhat Manly Nerd

Improved classic games with online play > straight-up emulation. I’d bring up the subject of price as well, but paying for Xbox Live Gold evens out the ridiculous pricing of Virtual Console games. Also, most people seem to hate the 360 controller’s D-pad for 2D games. Personally, I’ve had no trouble kicking ass in Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD Remix. I love typing out that whole name. Speaking of which, SPFIITHD Remix is a wonderful example of the awesomeness of XBLA. For $10, you get a PSX game with updated graphics (albeit not updated sprites), a new rebalanced mode, and (most of the time) lagless online multiplayer with achievements and leaderboards. I’ve barely touched Bioshock since Wednesday because of it. Probably because I absolutely rock balls at it. (Since I got my Call Of Duty 4 beta token on Friday, that has been taking up a massive amount of time as well.)

I haven’t even had a chance to play — nevermind buy — the vast majority of XBLA games, but I’m pretty sure just about all of them support online play, or at the very least achievements and leaderboards. TMNT2 1989 (Arcade), Worms, Uno, Streets of Rage 2, the list goes on pretty long. It really does make it feel like an old-school arcade, just virtual. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is pretty much a port, but its price of $10 is less than what a copy of it on PSX goes for on eBay — and that’s just an awesome single-player experience anyhow.

Sure, the points system is a bit sneaky and deceitful, considering 80 points = $1, but any functional human being should be able to figure that out. Plus, it seems the points card system allows some deals to pop up for gamers to take advantage of, or even exploit to their fullest extent. I just became aware of a deal at Best Buy: Pre-order Halo 3 and get a 1600 points card for $5. That’s 1/4 of the regular price. I can get Pac-Man C.E. and Worms for a total of $5. Not bad. Would I rather be able to just buy the games directly with my debit card like I do with Steam? Yea, I would. Am I going to cry over this stupid, extra layer of transaction? No. Besides, Nintendo has the same shit going with the Wii.

It seems like I might be turning into a Microsoft viral marketer, but I’m just loving my 360 that much. It always happens with new consoles. I got a PS2 last year — 6 years after it was released — and it was still awesome. Now imagine getting a 2 year old console that allows you to do so much more. It’s pretty much just a cheaper PC, just with a slick, integrated interface dedicated to gaming. (It even has the overheating problems!) Now if I only had a mouse and keyboard so I could kick ass in COD4…

I picked up the film Glengarry Glen Ross yesterday at Best Buy. They’re having a sale on Artisan DVDs for 4 BUCKS each. I also picked up The Running Man and Pi. I wanted to get American Psycho as well.

Anyhow, this is the early scene that basically sets up the rest of Glengarry Glen Ross. It features Alec Baldwin pretty much giving the best performance I’ve ever seen him give. Fortunately, the rest of the stellar cast lives up to it for the rest of the film. Seriously, the film is based on a play (both are written by David Mamet) and you can tell. The film is just carried by the superb, vitriolic script and the half-dozen brillant performances that are just piled on top of one another. Al Pacino. Jack Lemmon. Kevin Spacey. Ed Harris. Alan Arkin. All incredible.

Without further ado, I present to you Pure. Awesome.

I kinda suck at taking pictures.

Anyhow, this is the time to join next-gen. Well, it’s now officially CURRENT gen in my house. It’s taken two years, but the 360 is finally more reliable than one of those game compilation systems you find in the mall, and its software is hitting its stride. Bioshock is getting glowing reviews comparable to the ones Metroid Prime recieved 5 years ago. The Call of Duty 4 BETA is already being played by a select group of lucky people and all signs point to it being an incredible game. Rock Band will be the ultimate party game, leading to drunken embarrassment across the nation. Mass Effect, while not my cup of tea, has absolutely insane graphics and almost no doubtly will have the gameplay to back it up. And of course, there’s Halo 3 – destined to be the most played online console game ever. Even XBLA has a killer app upcoming – Super Puzzle Fighter II HD. There’s just an overload of awesome.

(And you know what? The Wii is finally getting the few games that make it worth owning the system. Up until now, I honestly can’t think of one game that warranted a purchase. But in the next few months Metroid Prime 3, Super Mario Galaxy, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl all hit. I’d accept someone buying a Wii this fall/winter, as I could see myself doing the same.)

The 360 is just a damn slick machine — when it isn’t broken. Well, at least the new Premium models with the second heatsink and quieter DVD drive are. Not to mention the HDMI port. I can stream music from my PC (and video, but I haven’t configured that), play DVDs using my wireless controller as a remote, see what my Xbox Live buddies are up to and send or receive messages at any time, buy cheap and awesome games off of XBLA, turn off my console from my bed with the controller, and of course, play games like BIOSHOCK.

I just get terrified when I go to Circuit City to buy a $39.99 12+1 month Xbox Live Gold Account card and see a kid returning his broken 360 that he just bought. All I ask is that it makes it through the winter. I did get the Best Buy Replacement Plan, but it’s still a pain in the ass to unplug the system and haul it up there for a replacement. It’ll be worth it in two years when the plan is almost up and the 360 is $50-100 cheaper and I get a voucher for the original price I paid. I love taking advantage of Best Buy. Sometimes pawnshops offer surprisingly cheap console deals, so it’s worth checking places like maxpawn.com for bargains.
Case in point:

I love cute, dumb Best Buy cashiers and their careless supervisors.

This summer film season was a disgusting display of unoriginality and excess. Well, to be fair, that’s every summer. 2007 just took it to a new level. Six trilogies were completed in the past few months, and most of those will no doubt keep going. Not to mention that the Die Hard franchise came back for its 4th installment – and brought a PG-13 rating with it. Hell, the Harry Potter series also came out with its 4th installment, also rated PG-13. Harry Potter…with the same rating as Die Hard. What the fuck has gone wrong?

The two biggest hits other than the ones already accounted for? Transformers and The Simpsons Movie – cartoons with pretty damn big, albeit older, fanbases. One turned into a massive live-action movie, the other basically being a big, prettier episode. The former was the one that raked in the money, but the latter didn’t do so bad for itself either. Of course, both are already slated to be trilogies.

I’d love to rip on the rampant outbreak of sequelitis with a clear conscious. I really would. Unfortunately, I paid to see the castrated Live Free or Die Hard. Even worse, I let two of my friends drag me to go see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. I didn’t even particularly enjoy the first, and hated the second. Drinking alone at the bar would have been a more enjoyable option. Worst movie I’ve seen in theaters since The Day After Tomorrow.

Fortunately, the only other sequel I saw this year was The Bourne Ultimatum, which also happens to be the best movie I’ve seen this year. I’m actually very interested in seeing United 97 now, due to Greengrass’s directorial ability. And his handheld camera work is no doubt more suited to a documentary-style movie such as United 97. If that film is as good as I hear, he’ll be one of my favorite directors at the moment.

The other two have to be Judd Apatow and Edgar Wright. They are two guys stopping the movie industry from totally sucking. Most people would also argue that Pixar comes out with one quality film after another, but they make formulaic children films that just happen to be as perfectly crafted as they can be. I doubt Ratatouille is any exception. I hear The Incredibles is legitimately awesome though.

Judd Apatow both directed and wrote The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up and was also a producer for Anchorman and Superbad. Edgar Wright, along with Simon Pegg, is responsible for the wonderfully awesome movies Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. These are the types of movies that break up the stale conventional movies that fill up the middle of the year. August has already been better than was offered from May until July with The Bourne Ultimatum alone. I still need to see Superbad, but every person I’ve talked to says it’s one of the funniest movies they’ve ever seen. Shoot ‘Em Up is coming soon, as well as 3:10 To Yuma (a remake, but it has Russell Crowe and Christian Bale, so I can forgive it). I even wanted to see WAR really damn bad until I saw the godawful reviews it’s getting.

I don’t know where I’m going with this entry, but I started writing it up at work and I didn’t want to put it to waste. I just know that I was annoyed seeing so many movies being released with such high numbers after their titles. Next year shouldn’t be anywhere near as bad, and THE DARK KNIGHT will be released. Fuck yes.

At E3, Microsoft Exec. Peter Moore called the combination of Halo 3, Madden 08, and GTA IV the “Perfect Storm of Gaming.” With GTA IV being delayed until next year, and Madden being the overhyped yearly event that it is, the three games represented above are truly the Xbox 360 “Perfect Storm,” especially since they’re all console exclusive to the 360: Halo 3, Mass Effect, and Bioshock. (Personally, I’m looking forward to Call of Duty 4 and Rock Band more than Mass Effect, but I felt like putting that great photoshop to use.)

Microsoft didn’t quite drop the price as much as I would’ve hoped, but they knew exactly what they were doing. A $50 price drop for the Premium, combined with the new “Zephyr”models that have a second heatsink, a better, quieter DVD drive, and HDMI output, has put me over the edge. I can’t wait for next-gen anymore. Bioshock is set to officially hit stores tomorrow and it’s being held as a revolutionary step in gaming and the epitome of what “next-gen” means. I haven’t even read up much on it, so I can’t really hype it up here. All I can say is that I’m glad that after being blown away by that 2006 E3 trailer, I’ve never read up on the game, since I knew I wanted it right then and there. As a result, I’ll be going into Bioshock more clean than any game in a long, long time. All I know is that it’s a FPS with RPG-like elements and an original, disturbing storyline, and that it looks INSANE. Hopefully, it will blow my mind.

Now I just need my paycheck on Wednesday so I can blow most of it on what I hope turns out to be a wise purchase. There’s just too many games being released in the coming months that I don’t want to miss. If it breaks by the end of the year, I’ll probably quit gaming.

Note: That is the old box.

Today one of the greatest games ever made was released on the Wii Virtual Console. If you haven’t played it (which is basically a crime at this point) and own a Wii, you should already have this classic downloaded. If you don’t own a Wii, just download ZSNES and the ROM right now. I played the game on my PC eight years after it was originally released and it was still one of the most flawless and incredible gaming experiences I’ve ever had. It is the pinnacle of 2D action-adventure, along with (from what I hear) Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

What Super Metroid does better than any other 2D game (and better than just about every 3D game) is create an eerie atmosphere of isolation. The music is some of the best I’ve ever heard in a video game, and the graphics still hold up to this day, with beautifully animated sprites and backgrounds. The bosses are particularly awesome. The controls and the manner in which the narrative is handled are two of the reasons why the game just might be the most perfect videogame ever created. Learning new movies through trial and error without in-game tutorials and the constant gaining of new abilities made for some of the coolest and most satisfying gaming I’ve ever had. In what other game do you learn special moves from mute animals? 2D gaming just cannot be beat with it comes to preciseness of controls. (I know, I know PC FPSs, shut up)

The story is told through interactive cutscenes throughout the game, mostly packed towards the end – resulting in arguably the best final half-hour of any game. (Of course, Ocarina of Time was no slouch). It’s a method never seen in gaming today; instead we get MGS with it’s massive cutscenes interspersed with gameplay. Hell, even Super Mario Sunshine tried to have a story with cutscenes and everything. Awful. Never in Super Metroid do you lose control of Samus, not even when you think it’s all over. I wish I could’ve experienced the game when it first came out like my friend Anth. He always swore by the awesomeness of it. It’s a shame it took me until the months leading up to Metroid Prime for me to finally play it. So if you still haven’t played it yet, get your shit together already.

On August 6th, 2007, Muse announced their stardom in America. With only one gold record in the states (Absolution), they managed to basically sell out Madison Square Garden, “The World’s Most Famous Arena.” Not only that, but they rocked it out as well, if not better, than any other band in the world could. Their cross of Radiohead and Queen makes for an unbelievable live show, something I already knew, but had never experienced first-hand – until a week ago.

The opening band was Cold War Kids, a band whose unimpressive album I had listened to a couple of times, yet that’s more than any of my friends could say. As a result, I spent the entirety of their set with two of my buddies drinking ridiculously overpriced beers and checking out ridiculously hot box. Unfortunately, every attractive chick was tied to some sausage. Right at the moment I said we should head inside along with our final beers, a massive roar erupted from the crowd, signaling the arrival of the English blokes (complete with tour keyboardist!). I obviously have some sort of spiritual connection with Matt Bellamy, the singer, guitarist, pianist, and songwriter for Muse.

After some bullshit excerpt from a JFK speech, Muse kicked into Knights of Cydonia, their best Queen impression. Maybe because it was the first song, maybe because I was at the height of my buzz – either way, it rocked the stadium to the fucking ground. That riff that kicks in halfway through started the headbanging from which I suffered headaches for several days. But I knew they would open with KoC…what I didn’t know is that they would follow it up with Map of the Problematique, Hysteria, Supermassive Black Hole, City of Delusion, and Butterflies and Hurricanes. Most bands don’t have 6 songs that incredible in an entire concert – Muse stuffed them all in the beginning back-to-back. MotP and Hysteria are just as awesome live as they are on their album forms, but Supermassive is about 5x better live. The riff is just so damn cool, and Bellamy switches up the solo in every concert. That song probably was responsible for some of the hot chicks at the concert.

When Bellamy was handed an acoustic guitar, I should’ve realized City of Delusion was next…but that ludicrous thought didn’t have a chance to enter my mind before he started playing it. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. They even had some dude come out and play the trumpet solo and everything. And then they played Butterflies and Hurricanes. The six-pack of unexplainable awesomeness was complete. The added solo in front of the classical piano solo, the epicness of the music and lyrics…the concert could’ve ended there and I would’ve been happy.

But it didn’t. Hoodoo came next, which allowed for the brief reprieve needed until it blows up right before the end. Apocalypse Please, Feeling Good, and Sunburn continued the trend of piano-based songs. They provided a nice block of songs to contrast with the ridiculousness of the opening of the set. My friend Chris particularly liked Bellamy singing into a megaphone during Feeling Good, something I don’t agree with. Sunburn was incredible, though.

At this point, the beer was really piling up in my bladder, so I was glad when the intro to Invincible started up. I knew they were going to play it, and I knew I don’t really like it, so I made the necessary run to the bathroom. I still made it back in time for pretty much the entire song though. I just wish it was Citizen Erased instead; the only real qualm I have with the concert – other than the fact that I didn’t get free GA tickets.

Starlight was a necessary evil for all the girls and couples out there. The song is decent enough, but at this point my buzz was wearing off and I wanted Bellamy to start rocking out again. Thankfully, Time is Running Out was next, a song that everyone knew and Bellamy let the crowd sing the first “Our time is running out” - a very cool moment. He then followed it up with the only two songs from Origin of Symmetry that they played that night: New Born and Plug In Baby. They rocked the stadium to the ground. Both of those riffs are absolutely killer. And I’m pretty sure they added one of their lone guitar riffs at this point (they had a few), as it was the faux end to the concert.

Of course, we all knew the concert wasn’t over and everyone got their cell phones out.

At this point I realized just how packed the stadium was. It was one of the coolest things ever. Muse had conquered Madison Square Garden. But after conquering, you have to take advantage of the spoils. As with almost every encore, they played some soft songs to wrap up the night: Soldier’s Poem and Unintended, the latter of which they had never played in the states before. Pretty cool.

But it wouldn’t be a Muse concert without Stockholm Syndrome. Bellamy singing as loudly as he possibly can while blasting the most brutal riff imaginable through the stadium. The entire crowd was rocking and singing and oh God it was awesome. Some kid even managed to make he way onto the stage and lifted his arms up in victory while he jumped up and down. Awesome.

I knew their last song would be Take A Bow, a practice that I felt was anti-climatic until I witnessed it live. Sure, it takes a few minutes to build up, but when Bellamy hit that first chord, I think the roof of MSG blew off. BURNNNN YOU WILL BURRNNN YOU WILL BURRRRNNN IN HELLL YEAAHHH YOU’LL BURNNN IN HELLL YOU’LLL BURNNN IN HELLL YEA YOU’LLL BURRNNN IN HELL FOR YOUR SIIIINNNNSSSS *awesome outro* Even with the alcohol all but evacuated from my body, I was still higher than I’ve ever been in my 21 year life. I had witnessed one of the greatest concerts I will ever see in my life.

Thank you, Muse.

Only two days removed from an admitted (albeit inadvertently!) steroid user being crowned the new Home Run King, along comes a guy that everyone can really look up to. If you’re any sort of baseball fan, you knew who Rick Ankiel was before he got his call up yesterday. He was a phenom lefty pitcher with a disgusting curve who was going to be the anchor of the Cardinals staff for years to come. Then he crashed and burned in the 2000 NLDS, becoming the first pitcher in a century to throw 5 wild pitches in one inning. At the time, I didn’t realize I was watching the beginning of the end for his pitching career. Nevertheless, it was more painful to watch than an episode of American Idol. Even worse was watching him get pulled in the first inning against the Mets in the NLCS. Even rooting for the Mets, I didn’t want to see the end of what promised to be an amazing career.

Well, for all intents and purposes, it really did turn out to be the end. After years of trying to get his head back on straight and his pitches in the strike zone, Ankiel decided to become a full-time outfielder. He had been a decent hitter, hitting .250 with 2 home runs his first full year in the majors as a pitcher. He was going to attempt to pull a Roy Hobbs. A knee injury last year put a hold on his outfielding career, but this year he was leading the Pacific Coast League with 32 HRs. When Scott Spiezio was quietly dumped off the roster due to having a drug problem, Ankiel was called up to fill the spot, and to provide some great PR.

Little did the world know that they would be treated to yet another moment that Hollywood would be jealous of. As Ankiel went up to bat for the first time, the St. Louis crowd stood up and gave him a rousing hometown welcome. The 20-year-old kid that wowed them 7 years ago was back, only this time he was the one looking foolish at the plate. In his first at-bat he popped up to short, and then looked completely overmatched in his next two at-bats, striking out both times. Even after that, the crowd still cheered more loudly for him than anyone else. And why not? He had seen the end of his dream and still managed to make his way back to the major leagues.

No one could’ve expected that in his fourth at-bat that he would combine Kirk Gibson’s swing and Roy Hobbs’s natural talent to hit one of the most emotional home runs that baseball has ever seen. The entire city of St. Louis must’ve been shaking. Grown men were crying and hugging in the stand. Tony LaRussa is usually the definition of subdued, but even he was running around and yelling as Ankiel rounded the bases. It’s a moment that reminds everyone why baseball is the greatest sport known to man, and helps us forget about the travesty that took place only a few days ago.

Paul Greengrass just showed whatever loser that made Casino Royale and all the pretenders this summer how to make a goddamn action movie. Screw all the shaky-cam haters.

With a running time of less than 2 hours, The Bourne Ultimatum does away with the excess that has bogged down just about every recent blockbuster, while still delivering enough action and suspense for even the shortest attention span. Like its predecessors, Ultimatum is basically a big chase movie, but this time the formula is pulled off to near-perfection. The last hour is the most thrilling filmmaking I’ve seen since the final long-shot setpiece in Children of Men – probably a curious comparison to make, considering Greengrass’s method of filming action is the polar opposite of Cuaron’s style in CoM. Over the 2 hours, the movie only stops to show some the CIA infighting and to bash amnesia and flashbacks over your head.

While I was not a big fan of the handheld quick-cutting style Greengrass used in Supremacy, it only really bothered me in the apartment fight scene. Maybe I came to accept Greengrass’s style after watching Supremacy a few more times, or he just learned how to use it more effectively, but the shaky-cam was never a detriment to Ultimatum. In fact, it helped make the showcase fight by far the best in the series. The quickness and the brutality was just conveyed so adeptly. At the end, I heard my friend’s girlfriend say, “That was awesome.” Yes, yes it was. The movie is filled with similar moments that I don’t wish to repeat here. I’ll just say that one moment evoked cheering much like when higher-ups ask for Jack Bauer in 24.

Unless you haven’t seen the first two Bourne movies (in which case you should be locked in your house with copies of the DVD until you do), you must go see Ultimatum. Likely, you already did considering it made $70 million opening weekend – a bigger opening in America than any Bond film. That news, along with the undisputable fact that this is the best trilogy to be made in 15 years (arguably EVER), makes it official: Bourne > Bond.