REAL TALK – LONDON EDITION
You love the all caps title. You may also be able to gather from the title that this post will be London-related. I figure a week spent there necessitates at least one post.
- I never thought the government of a Western country could be so hung up on pointless, retarded tradition. The Queen has a dress the length of my house and can’t leave the House of Lords, some guy walks up and knocks on the door of the House of Commons twice to signify a bullshit event, no commoner is allowed to sit down in either of the Houses, you’re not allowed to have all your teeth, etc.
- On the flip side, one of the security guards at Parliament was a pre-op tranny. I don’t think that’s very traditional.
- It’s all about pissing in a massive urinal that takes up the entire wall. Not even a urinal. It’s basically just the wall with water running down.
- Why did no one tell me that London Bridge is just some totally nondescript bridge now? I wasn’t expecting there to be any heads on display anymore, but what the hell? Apparently, Tower Bridge is the fancy one now. Rubbish.
- They have McDonald’s and Burger King, but not Wendy’s. What a barbaric country.
- Did you know people actually care about cricket over there? Cricket! I wanted to check out some cricket bats while I was in London’s premier department store, Harrods, but I couldn’t find any. Possibly the disappointment of the trip.
- Cider is actually on tap in pubs over there. Hard cider. And it’s not bad at all.
- Every food portion is smaller there. I had 6 oz and 8 oz burgers in London with small sides of “chips”, and within a couple of days being home, I had a 10 oz burger with a massive supply of fries. No wonder I barely saw any fatasses there.
- Speaking of Harrods, there were fossils on sale there. Motherfucking fossils. $440,000 fossils. I thought artifacts like that were sold exclusively at closed auctions that only allow admittance with a monocle or beautiful trophy wife. The store also had some awesome first print posters that I admit caught my eye. $2500 for a massive original Taxi Driver poster? I’m game.
- Not exclusive to London, but a girl with iPhone GPS is no less hopeless when it comes to arriving at her destination.
- I stayed in a single dorm room that had its own ensuite bathroom. Apparently, this isn’t a big deal in England. The dorm room allegedly “wasn’t even that nice.” No wonder I wanted to kill myself at MIT.
- Not having to tip every time you eat out or every time you order a drink is a nice change of pace.
- If you go to an Indian restaurant with a mostly Muslim clientele, expect the waiter to not even acknowledge that the woman is there.
- Public transportation there is better than in NYC in every conceivable way. The tube is cleaner and comfier than the subway, and there are a shitload of clean and comfy buses. Basically, envision the sea of yellow taxis in NYC replaced with a wall of red buses. And then, on top of this, there are little electronic signs that display how much time until the next few trains/buses and where they’re going. It’s fucking impressive.
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