I Don’t Care About Spore Anymore

2008 September 2

The game Will Wright has been working on since I left high school is finally out. And I couldn’t care less. The massive penises have already been created. The flying penises, too. Even creatures with multiple penises. What else is left for us gamers to accomplish with this game? I think the penis creator game is the pinnacle of our civilization. And now that all the phalluses imagined over generations by the collective human mind have been put on the net for the amusement of our entire species, I rather just start up another game of SimCity 4.

I was excited appromixately two years ago about Spore — when the graphics and art style actually looked decent, and I wasn’t busy playing and anticipating next-gen games. Now I’m already behind on the games I own, and the massive holiday flood is imminent, bringing along with it Gears of War 2, Fallout 3, Rock Band 2, Prince of Persia, Left 4 Dead, Red Alert 3, etc. The more I see and hear about it, Spore seems like a more ambitious version of The Sims. Maybe if I were a little kid again, I could get into such a game, but I’m going to go out on a ledge here and declare that the game can’t be all that deep. I rather spend my time playing and learning Civ 4 or Company of Heroes. There’s just too much gaming out there — too much gaming I need to catch up with — for me to bother with Spore at this point. I rather blow guys arms and legs off in Fallout 3 than wage war in a G-rated colorful world more childish than a Pixar movie. I rather fight in the online co-op zombie game that is Left 4 Dead than decide where I’m going to put the eyes on my new creature.

Maybe I’m finally becoming one of those “cool gamers” who think they’re too old for light-hearted “fun” games. Or maybe I just don’t feel like wasting my time with a dumbed-down RTS with an admittedly impressive character creator. Especially when you can buy (or *cough* download *cough*) the latter for much cheaper than the entire game.

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  • http://www.richard-am.net RichardAM

    Game publishers are fucking stupid though- I can’t buy half the games i’d like because there’s plenty released the same week that i’m more interested in.

    Who’s stupid idea was that? Releasing them so close to each other!?!