Things I Learned This St. Patrick’s Day
- St. Patrick’s Day REALLY is always on the 17th. I was just getting mixed up because of something I read about the Church changing its official date due to it falling on Holy Week. It was actually moved to the previous Friday, the 14th. No moving will occur again in any of our lifetimes.
- Visibly underaged girls are apparently allowed to drink in bars on this Irish holiday.
- The Boondock Saints is the Irish movie of my generation, as it was playing in the Half Penny (my local Irish pub) the whole night.
- The owners of the Half Penny obviously overheard my criticism of their new couches a week or so ago. They were replaced with tables and stools. An immeasurable improvement. I still don’t know what the hell they were thinking. Couches? In a bar? That’s like crosses in a mosque.
- Whenever I question why I drink, I answer by drinking more.
- “Oh, you don’t want to know what we were talking about” is a creepy thing to say to a chick that has just randomly walked up to your table. We were talking about the policy of isolation. I bet she truly didn’t want to hear about it. I’m just honest!
- Michael Jackson, Rihanna, and Alien Ant Farm — among others — are Irish musicians.
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