Next-Gen Sucks (right now)

2006 December 6
by CajoleJuice

Maybe it’s me getting older and more jaded, maybe it’s the law of diminshing returns in action, maybe it’s the fact that I don’t actually own any of them…but the Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii all seem massively underwhelming. There’s no Halo, no Soul Calibur, no Super Mario 64… I really thought 360 had its killer app with Gears of War – then I played it. It sure was pretty, but the gameplay just didn’t grab me. FPS, or games that basically have the same mechanics, belong on the PC. Anyhow, before I get to into this discussion, I’m going to move on to the Wii, since it’s barely next-gen anyhow.


For $250, you get one Wiimote and nunchuck, Wii Sports, and an online service (Wiiconnect) that at this point only allows you to buy overpriced old games with no upgrades at all. Wii’s killer app is a Zelda game that should have been released months ago on its predecessor. From what I’ve read and heard, the game is great, but it’s still just a last-gen game with some added-on Wiimote functionality. I’ll admit from the demo that I played that at least fishing was fun – I did not get used to the controls in actual gameplay though. Then there’s Excite Truck, which looks and plays like a generic racer from last gen, but you tilt the controller. It’s pretty fun, I’ll admit, but the Burnout series murders it. The other exclusive games on the system range from a DS port (Trauma Center) to a mini-game compliation (Rayman: Raving Rabbids) to a game that looks like Goldeneye, and plays worse (Red Steel). Metal Slug Anthology will be a must-buy for any true gamer though (whenever it fucking comes out) – but you can also get it on PS2 and PSP. Maybe the added Wiimote controls are pretty cool though. Madden 07 on the Wii provides a little different take on the franchise that might be somewhat cool. I don’t know of any other games even worth mentioning at this point. The Wii is all about potential at this point, because many of the games don’t make great use of the Wiimote. Wii Sports is the one game that provides a showcase for the untapped potential for the new control scheme Nintendo has conjured up. I’ll admit that so far the gamble Nintendo has taken with the Wii has paid off in positive hype and sales.

Xbox 360

Ah, the system that has already been on the market for a year – and it shows. It has by far the best library, but it’s still not that diverse or impressive. There’s a handful of great shooters – such as Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six: Vegas, and Gears of War – but controllers for FPSs just get to me nowadays. Other critically acclaimed games include Oblivion and Viva Pinata. So at $399 (the $299 core system is a joke), you can get the best gaming next-gen has to offer right now. But be ready to shell out another $49 a year for Xbox Live, a necessity for any avid gamer. With it you get access to demos and the Xbox Live Marketplace, which has games like Uno, Geometry Wars, and Street Fighter 2 Turbo available to buy – all with online capabilties. The Xbox 360 is without a doubt a great system, and Halo 3 is still looming on the horizon, so Microsoft has done good.


Oh Sony, what have you done? I’ll never understand the massive lines for the PS3 nor the massive amounts of money PS3s were getting on eBay. What the fuck is wrong with people? What games do they want to play so badly? Or do they just want a cheap Blu-ray player? I’ll admit that in terms of hardware and features, the $599 premium version of the PS3 provides the most bang for your buck (with Blu-ray, Wifi, and 60 GB HD), but in terms of games, it’s easily the worst. The only arguably great game is Resistance, and even that looks like a generic PC FPS – and for the prices some PS3s are going for, one can buy a decent PC where you can play superior FPSs with a mouse and keyboard. And remember how I said Excite Truck didn’t exactly live up to its name? Motorstorm is even worse. It feels like the game is running at 15 fps while the vehicles are driving through mud. But I don’t like realistic racing games all too much, so what do I know? Sony has been taking a beating in the press, and they deserve it. The PS3 is really not that much more powerful than Xbox 360, so if it manages to lose the few exclusive series it has left – Metal Gear Solid, Devil May Cry, Virtua Fighter – Sony is in big trouble. It has already lost GTA4.

To wrap this up, I don’t see any of the new consoles truly being worth a purchase this holiday season. I’m probably going to pick up a Wii only because I just recieved a bunch of money from my awesome grandparents, and because I’m going to have to get one when Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out anyway. I might pick up Xbox 360 once it has a price drop (hopefully coinciding with the release of Halo 3). But right now, I’m truly happy with my PS2 and DS. The amount of quality titles on DS is mindblowing, and I only recently bought a PStwo, so I have dozens of great games to catch up on. And if I couldn’t get a Wii, I’d be fine with Zelda on GC.

Now here’s a comparison pic of all the consoles for fun:

Related posts:

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  2. Nintendo Releases Zelda: A Link to the Past. Again.
  3. Gamespot is hilarious.

  • Justin

    “smack”…oh i mean “hit”

  • Azazelo

    $250…This is the Evolution!History of Roulette

  • chai yang

    ey yo give me a lower payment for nintendo wii my email is catch me there.

  • Penis

    What is that Giant Penis in front of the 360?

  • Armend Mehmeti

    can i get the xbox 360in low price c´mon

  • BaconWarrior

    Xbox 360 sucks dicks

  • Armend Mehmeti

    Oh yeah my e-mail(Armend Mehmeti) is … yeah i know it´s lame but also old xD

  • hockeyboix12

    lol, what a disapointment 360′s are, yea its been out for over a year but it took that long for them to fix the recall….PLAY B3YOND not a piece of junk from over a year ago…

  • Anonymous

    i like oatmeal

  • Elveter

    eat shit…you don’t know nothing

  • Joel

    eat shit on a stick!

  • Jesse B.

    PS3 pwns. All of you are on drugs if you think the 360 is better (or the 360 is giving out subliminal messages in their games).