Brett Favre’s last throw as a Falcon: INT
Brett Favre’s last throw as a Packer: INT
Brett Favre’s last legal throw as a Jet: INT
Brett Favre’s (possible) last throw as a Viking: INT
Brett Favre’s tears: Priceless

Of course, I use “throw” instead of “pass” for a reason. 7 on 7 flag football misdirection plays are so good to outsmart the other team. It’s amazing how he waited until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT to become vintage Favre. Throwing across the field for NO REASON. Absolutely tremendous.

I guess I’ll comment on the AFC Championship Game a bit, considering my team somehow made their way into it. Up until the two minute warning in the first half, the Jets were actually looking REALLY good. The Colts couldn’t score a touchdown, and Mark Sanchez was playing as well as he had played all season. His second touchdown pass of the half was really impressive, with him stepping into the throw right as a guy slammed him into the ground. I was at full mast at that point. Unfortunately, Peyton Manning then activated God Mode and was pretty much unstoppable for the rest of the 32 minutes.

There are probably plenty of people out there that don’t like him for whatever reason — and it’s not like I love him — but the guy is quite possibly the greatest quarterback of all-time. I don’t want Tom Brady to end up with more Super Bowl rings than him, I really don’t. And that’s why I’ll be rooting for the Colts in the Super Bowl. Yes, the Colts are fucking pansies for not going for the undefeated season, but the Jets had their chance to totally embarrass them for maximum hilarity today and they didn’t. Now the Super Bowl is just a matchup between the two best teams this year, and I think Manning will prove that he deserves that second ring.

Of course, the last time I made a post talking about someone being the best of all-time at something, he fucking lost. So whatever.

Why did Chad Pennington have to break his shoulder for the 25th time? There’s no way he would have been able to cut up the Jets’ defense like that. One of the long bombs Henne threw would have died halfway to its intended destination if it had left Pennington’s arm.

In Mark Sanchez news, the USC rookie had another solid game. I don’t quite know why ESPN was sucking his cock so much during and after a 12-24, 172-yard performance (actually I do, he’s so dreamy), but at least he didn’t throw any inceptions or fumble the ball in his own end zone. He played a smart game for the most part, and aired it out pretty damn well when he needed to. This should have been enough for the REX RYAN DEFENSEâ„¢, but they didn’t hold up their side of the deal. Both times the Jets took the lead in the 4th quarter, they couldn’t wait to give it back!

Disappointing result tonight aside, I haven’t been this optimistic about the future of the Jets in a long time. The Braylon Edwards trade already paid dividends tonight with his absolutely phenomenal almost-touchdown catch, and Sanchez is only going to get better. Sure, it’s frustrating to see the defense play so shitty in a game they should have won — especially after their impressive performance against a much better offense last week — but I’m going to chalk it up to the learning process. Maybe the REX RYAN DEFENSEâ„¢ just needs a bit more time to truly be in Beast Mode every single week.

I’m still more upset about the Phillies winning their NLDS tonight. Douchebags.

As for Sanchez, he does need to learn how to protect the ball, and try to get rid of the ball QUICKLY when he’s running around his own goddamn end zone. I also REALLY need to start watching these Jets’ games more attentively, or else I’m going to continue making these half-assed posts throughout the entire season. It looks like we both have something to work on, Mr. Sanchez.

Tom Brady and the Patriots are old and busted. The Jets are the new hotness. First-place, bitches!

Unfortunately, I definitely did not watch the game as closely as I should have. I was too busy posting in football threads on the internet, and keeping tabs on my fantasy football teams and my H2H fantasy baseball team. That’s a lot of work! I can’t spend all my time just lying on the couch actually watching an entire football game. So I’ll do what I do best — post stats.

Mark Sanchez after two games:

60.4% completion pct, 435 yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, 91.3 QB rating

Not bad. Not bad at all. Let’s just ignore the two fumbles.

But Sanchez really isn’t the reason the Jets won today. The defense was definitely the star, making Brady look like total shit. Maybe Brady could have done that himself, since he doesn’t look like he’s back in sync with the offense yet, but major credit has to go to any defense that keeps the Patriots to 9 points. This is just what I needed to jump on the Jets bandwagon! Not that I wasn’t already a Jets fan, but I haven’t actually invested much time following the team for years. Favre wasn’t enough last year, since he was an incredibly old and I hated his guts for being such a selfish douchebag. Now with a new non-overhyped coach, and a young, impressive QB, I just might be down for watching every game this season. Now I need a certain friend to talk to me about football so I can sound more informed.

I still can’t believe that Sanchez is younger than me. The starting QB of my favorite NFL team was born after me. I am officially old now.

I don’t even remember how much football I actually watched. I definitely had the Jets-Texans game on for a bit, but for the most part, I’ll admit that I missed Mark Sanchez lighting up the Houston defense. Then on Monday I had the Patriots-Bills game on, and with 5 minutes left and a two-possession lead, I thought that maybe the Bills actually would win the game. The next time I looked up from the book I was reading, the Patriots were winning by one fucking point with 30 seconds left. The Jets could have had the best Week 1 possible, what with a win and impressive Sanchez performance, and a Patriots loss on top of that — but no, the Bills had to choke that shit away by fumbling a kickoff return instead of downing it in the end zone. I guess they thought it was an early 90s Super Bowl or something.

The only other notable thing I actually saw live was the ending to that Broncos-Bengals game. That would only happen to the Bengals.

So yeah, this post fucking sucks. I’m shocked you actually read this far.

Perhaps I should address the title of this post. I will definitely watch Mark Sanchez Futureâ„¢ battle the Anti-Christ Tom Brady this Sunday, considering it’s always a huge game. Maybe I’ll actually have insight to share after keenly watching the game. And by keenly watching, I mean having the game on the background while I do some other bullshit. Or sleep.

No wonder I suck at fantasy football.

Fuck the Jets. This is (Mets) Collapse ’07 Redux. Tom Brady got his leg broken in half and the Jets couldn’t capitalize this season. Yeah, they technically can still win the division if the Pats lose and they beat the Dolphins, but who the fuck expects the Jets to win that game at this point? Chad Pennington is actually doing good in Miami, while Favre has thrown for less yards than him while throwing basically an equal amount of touchdowns and interceptions. Hmm, maybe the problem is the overweight, overhyped piece of shit over on the sideline. Mangenius he is not. He’d be lucky to wear Belichick’s hoodie sweater. As much as I hate that cheating scumbag up in New England, he has managed to keep the Patriot train going without his Golden Boy/Anti-Christ. Matt Cassel has looked like a Hall of Fame QB the past two weeks. If Brett Favre got hurt — as one of my friends said — Mangini would’ve thrown in the hamburger grease-laden towel. The minute the Jets are eliminated next week, he needs to be tossed out on his fat ass. I don’t want a Willie Randolph situation where he has to be fired in the middle of next season. Not that they’re even comparable situations, as football head coaches are a much bigger factor in their team’s performance. Willie Randolph wasn’t calling plays for Jose Reyes to hit .200 in September, while Mangini doesn’t know when to go for it on 4th down. Pathetic.

Let’s see. The Mets had a 4-2 lead going into the 9th inning against the Braves. The Jets were facing a Tom Brady-less Patriots team. And the Phillies had two games versus the Brewers. All of these things turned out as badly as possible. The Mets bullpen imploded for I believe the 462th time this year. I didn’t think that was possible — considering there’s only 162 games in a season — but they’ve done it. I should’ve figured it would happen 12 hours after I said the Mets shouldn’t pay K-Rod $15 million a year. The worst part about it is that Oliver Perez had a good game and I left him on my fantasy bench. I was going to set my Sunday roster the previous afternoon, but I told myself I’d do it that night. BUT I NEVER DID. I’m not sure if he would’ve lowered my ERA and WHIP enough to win either category, but I blew my only shot at winning the week.

Meanwhile, I didn’t get to watch much of the Jets game, but I know they lost, and that’s enough. And the Phillies swept their doubleheader against the seemingly permanently hungover Brewers. So now the Mets have only a 1 game lead in the NL East with the Phillies seemingly beginning to surge and the Jets look like they don’t have an open road to the division title after all. Maybe the Brewers will collapse so sharply that the Mets could grab the wild-card. But on the bright side, if they don’t make the playoffs I’ll have more time to study.

Out for the season. Probably.

It seems that Brady’s soul was only good for a couple of years of success. The deal ran out just a bit before Super Bowl XLII was over. Brady probably should’ve gotten a refund. Instead, he got a torn ACL or whatever the hell happened to his knee at the moment captured above. It’ll be interesting to see how quickly Giselle dumps his immobile ass. 

A few months ago if you told me Brett Favre would be a Jet and Tom Brady would be out for the season, I would’ve broken a bottle over your head for teasing me like that. That’s something a Jets fan only dreams of. 

But this is really happening. Next week, the Jets will face the Patriots, with a matchup of Favre vs. Cassel. Tied for first place after Week 1! And Favre didn’t throw an INT! The only thing that could make this better is Curtis Martin entering a time machine and getting back on the Jets.

Hopefully the Jets will be able to keep this up, to at least keep me entertained and somewhat happy while I watch the Mets once again choke in September.

The new national pastime is sitting on your ass for an entire Sunday watching huge dudes who would otherwise have longer lifespans smash into each other trying to reach opposite end zones. And also making your Monday somewhat palatable by allowing you to watch the same thing once again after that awful beginning to the work week.

But to start off the season, there’s a Redskins-Giants game on a Thursday. Football on ladies night? Worlds are colliding. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I’ll just want to sit there eating my popcorn, drinking my beer, but I’ll have chicks all up in my shit. Oh wait, that’s not right, they won’t be bothering me at all.

But while tonight’s game is the opener, Sunday’s Jets-Dolphins game is the season opener for myself. Favre vs. Pennington. I’m not really a betting man, but I’ll set some over/unders.

Favre INTs – 2
Pennington passes over 10 yards – 2.5
Amount of beers I drink – 3.5
Times Favre’s age is mentioned – 4.5
Pennington screen passes – 10
Times I pretend to have insight into football – 5.5

So Football is back. Baseball is reaching its final stretch. The U.S. Open is ongoing. While summer may be over, I have more than enough sports to keep me entertained.