As I’m sure all of you know, the U.S. lost today to Ghana in the knockout round of 16 in the World Cup. It was disappointing, but it’s not like the U.S. deserved to win, considering they still hadn’t learned that play starts with the first whistle. For the second time in four games, they allowed a goal in the first five minutes.

I’m going to try to be as serious as possible in this post. On Twitter today, I posted a bunch of joking, but derogatory things about soccer; I don’t feel they were unfounded, though. I think flopping (@QVT replied to me that it’s not called flopping — I would like him to comment on here and tell me what it’s called) is a major issue that causes many Americans to dismiss the sport. You’d need a 2160p television set to see some of the “contact” on which fouls are inevitably called due to a guy jumping through the air and holding his leg. And some Americans were all too content to join in, as pointed out in this blog post.

And the Ghanaians display at the end of the match today was arguably the worst thing that could have happened, American-interest-wise. After all the goodwill and excitement conjured up by Donovan’s goal, Africa had to ruin things once again. First the vuvuzelas, then stalling the game by lying on the fucking ground after absolutely nothing happened to you. I’m trying to think of a comparable tactic in another sport. I guess a pitching coach or catcher coming out to the mound to give a pitcher more time to warm up in the bullpen? But that doesn’t necessitate deceit. And maybe this is what @QVT was referring to when he meant it wasn’t flopping — it’s stalling. But it’s stalling by faking an injury (actually, it didn’t even look like the guy was trying to fake it — he was literally just LYING THERE). Whatever it is, it’s bullshit.

I also saw some people complaining about the offside rule on Twitter, but I have to imagine they’re mostly casual — if not totally bandwagon — fans (like myself).  I really would like a true soccer fan’s opinion on this. Yeah, I played soccer up until junior varsity in high school, but by that point I had already lost a step or three due to not playing in 9th grade and I barely remember it anyway. Either way, I can’t say I ever held a strong opinion the offside rule. I know it would create more scoring, right? I can’t see how that’s a bad thing. People who rip on baseball seem to think it would improve with more scoring. But similar to why I don’t like aluminum bats (other than the sound), maybe hardcore soccer fans like their goals scarce. But I’m not quite sure why I even bring up the offside rule, because like I said, I don’t have any strong feelings about it — the only time I did was when the U.S. lost a goal to it when they weren’t actually offside.

But I’m not getting at the heart of why many Americans find soccer boring to watch, especially when others are actively betting on เว็บแทงบอลออนไลน์. And I guess I’m going to project my own feelings onto the American public, but it’s because for much of the game there is absolutely NO chance of someone scoring in the immediate future, or at least that’s how it seems to the untrained eye. There is mostly passing in the middle and positioning, which doesn’t create much tension. In football, there could be a massive touchdown pass at any time. In baseball, every pitch can turn into a home run. In hockey — well, hockey is just a shrunken-down, sped-up version of soccer on ice, isn’t it? Only instead of flopping, there’s fighting. Basketball almost has the opposite problem of soccer in my mind, in the sense that there’s just so much scoring back and forth that it becomes mundane. Don’t ask me to explain NASCAR’s popularity.

But I have to admit Landon Donovan’s goal was fucking amazing. Even I was caught up in the sport at that moment. Perhaps that’s what watching soccer is all about? It’s waiting for that orgasmic moment that comes along once or twice a game if you’re lucky. It’s forgetting all the awful officiating and flopping to savor the ball getting buried in the back of the net. Sure, there are swathes of yawn-inducing play, but do those all-too-rare fantastic goals make up for that fact? I don’t know, but I’m still leaning towards no.

My question to myself right now is how I can continue watching this World Cup. I know England-Germany is a massive match, but who am I supposed to root for? It’s hard enough for me to keep my attention focused on the television during a U.S. match I have a rooting interest in, so how can I expect that match to grab me? Am I just supposed to pretend it’s 70 years ago and root against the Nazis?

And I need to go to sleep now. I doubt I’ll even wake up for the match now, anyhow.

Edit: How the fuck did I not comment on the awful officiating and how FIFA is totally averse to the use of any technology? I guess I mentioned how the U.S. got fucked out of a goal — well Mexico just got fucked. England got fucked earlier. There have been a dozen other awful calls too. Yet there is no goal line sensor or replay. Fucking joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLG6jh23yE

This is the new Nike commercial for the 2010 World Cup, which starts on June 11. Only commercials like this should be allowed before films at theaters. I only wish I could watch it in full 1080p without it chugging. I don’t know whether it’s my computer or Chrome or that I just need to restart. I’m just proud of myself for recognizing three players featured in the video.

In other soccer news, I think there’s a Champions League final on Saturday? Maybe I should watch that as a warm-up for the World Cup to see if I can actually stand watching an entire match. They’re called matches, right? I know I tried watching a couple of years ago and by halftime I had all but passed out in my chair. I’ll report back in two days.

Free feel to rip on baseball in the comments for retribution, soccer fans.

I’m sure I don’t care because I’m not that big a football fan. I already forgot who the Jets picked with whatever pick they even had, and I’m supposedly a Jets fan. How am I supposed to care about college football players when the baseball season isn’t even a month old? Why would I even watch the NFL Draft over the Stanley Cup Playoffs? One is fifteen minutes of waiting broken up with half-minute spurts of cheering; the other is high-speed, high-contact sport at its highest level. Maybe I shouldn’t say highest, considering the Winter Olympics were only a few months ago and those U.S. – Canada contests were fucking awesome.

Arguments about level of play aside, the NFL Draft would be very low on my list of things to watch. I understand following it to know who was drafted, but holy shit, listening to hours of commentary by blowhards about 22-year-olds who are good at football? I rather subject myself to hours of insane babbling from Lost fanatics. But that’s possibly because I built up an immunity at my former job. It’s nice not to have to watch Lost the day it airs anymore; it reveals just how little I care about the show at this point and how I’m going through the motions of watching until it mercifully ends in a month. Of course, due to my love-hate relationship, I’ll stupidly allow myself to get excited for the finale, only to be massively disappointed. Fortunately, I’ve also already built up an immunity to horrible finales due to Battlestar Galactica.

How did I get talking about ensemble science-fiction television shows? Oh yeah, they’re more interesting than the NFL Draft. The NFL Draft fits very nicely in the reality show mold, and I’ve never watched any of those either — even Jersey Shore. Or maybe it’s more like a primetime game show, in the sense that it takes forever for someone to answer a question or decide with suitcase to open, and that once they answer it, the host teases the next question before the show cuts to a commercial. Fuck, I hate that shit. I can’t believe I watched Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader? that one time. But that was only a half-hour, not multiple hours like the NFL Draft. And not just multiple hours, but multiple DAYS. How could anyone stand watching that much idle television? Is it truly suspenseful waiting for the next pick to be made?

Perhaps people really do get into the drama, as I saw at least one person get pissed at the NFL Network for “spoiling” picks. One of the more bizarre tweets I have ever seen. And this guy is usually cool! The NFL Draft clearly makes sane people lose their minds. I guess I’d argue they lost their minds once they decided to watch, but everyone makes mistakes. I would like someone to explain to me the reason for getting pissed at that, though. Is it equivalent to saying Brett Favre is going to get picked two seconds before it happens? Is that what the NFL Draft is now, the same as a real athletic competition? Perhaps I should have asked this tweeter, but I was too busy watching Johan Santana pitch the Mets to victory. He’s still no Roy Halladay, though.

I just don’t see what watching the draft adds over, say, having a massive pop-up on your computer each time someone is drafted. Sure, watching Jets fans boo their pick is entertaining, but is it worth the time sink? Maybe I should ask myself the same question about watching this hopeless Mets season, but actual baseball > football transactions. Watching the NFL Draft is worse than watching C-SPAN.

Peyton Manning pulled a Favre. Did anyone see that coming? That inception may not have been the last throw he made, but it might as well have been.

It’s amazing how little I have to say about this game. Maybe I’d have more to say if I could gush about Peyton Manning being the GOAT, but that’s kinda impossible when he was outplayed by Drew Brees, who was absolutely perfect. A QB can’t do much better than 32-39 for 288 yards and 2 TDs. If it weren’t for that pick, maybe Peyton would have. Or if Garcon caught that one pass. You know the one I’m talking about.

Seriously, I’ve got nothing. Uh, Reggie Bush didn’t do much. That I know. And my friend won 100 bucks in his pool. That was cool.

So is New Orleans officially rebuilt now? Did this Super Bowl win just make the city OK finally? Can we move on?

Maybe it would get more action if it were about the rejected gay dating site ad or Tim Tebow’s anti-abortion commercial? Or perhaps a “Who would be the best Super Bowl performer” poll. That’s actually a good one, but how would I even narrow that down? But I give you an easy poll and you just ignore it, so I don’t know what to think.

I’m not going to look at my blog for a few days — when I come back on Friday, I better see at least…6 votes!

Brett Favre’s last throw as a Falcon: INT
Brett Favre’s last throw as a Packer: INT
Brett Favre’s last legal throw as a Jet: INT
Brett Favre’s (possible) last throw as a Viking: INT
Brett Favre’s tears: Priceless

Of course, I use “throw” instead of “pass” for a reason. 7 on 7 flag football misdirection plays are so good to outsmart the other team. It’s amazing how he waited until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT to become vintage Favre. Throwing across the field for NO REASON. Absolutely tremendous.

I guess I’ll comment on the AFC Championship Game a bit, considering my team somehow made their way into it. Up until the two minute warning in the first half, the Jets were actually looking REALLY good. The Colts couldn’t score a touchdown, and Mark Sanchez was playing as well as he had played all season. His second touchdown pass of the half was really impressive, with him stepping into the throw right as a guy slammed him into the ground. I was at full mast at that point. Unfortunately, Peyton Manning then activated God Mode and was pretty much unstoppable for the rest of the 32 minutes.

There are probably plenty of people out there that don’t like him for whatever reason — and it’s not like I love him — but the guy is quite possibly the greatest quarterback of all-time. I don’t want Tom Brady to end up with more Super Bowl rings than him, I really don’t. And that’s why I’ll be rooting for the Colts in the Super Bowl. Yes, the Colts are fucking pansies for not going for the undefeated season, but the Jets had their chance to totally embarrass them for maximum hilarity today and they didn’t. Now the Super Bowl is just a matchup between the two best teams this year, and I think Manning will prove that he deserves that second ring.

Of course, the last time I made a post talking about someone being the best of all-time at something, he fucking lost. So whatever.

Why did Chad Pennington have to break his shoulder for the 25th time? There’s no way he would have been able to cut up the Jets’ defense like that. One of the long bombs Henne threw would have died halfway to its intended destination if it had left Pennington’s arm.

In Mark Sanchez news, the USC rookie had another solid game. I don’t quite know why ESPN was sucking his cock so much during and after a 12-24, 172-yard performance (actually I do, he’s so dreamy), but at least he didn’t throw any inceptions or fumble the ball in his own end zone. He played a smart game for the most part, and aired it out pretty damn well when he needed to. This should have been enough for the REX RYAN DEFENSEâ„¢, but they didn’t hold up their side of the deal. Both times the Jets took the lead in the 4th quarter, they couldn’t wait to give it back!

Disappointing result tonight aside, I haven’t been this optimistic about the future of the Jets in a long time. The Braylon Edwards trade already paid dividends tonight with his absolutely phenomenal almost-touchdown catch, and Sanchez is only going to get better. Sure, it’s frustrating to see the defense play so shitty in a game they should have won — especially after their impressive performance against a much better offense last week — but I’m going to chalk it up to the learning process. Maybe the REX RYAN DEFENSEâ„¢ just needs a bit more time to truly be in Beast Mode every single week.

I’m still more upset about the Phillies winning their NLDS tonight. Douchebags.

As for Sanchez, he does need to learn how to protect the ball, and try to get rid of the ball QUICKLY when he’s running around his own goddamn end zone. I also REALLY need to start watching these Jets’ games more attentively, or else I’m going to continue making these half-assed posts throughout the entire season. It looks like we both have something to work on, Mr. Sanchez.

Tom Brady and the Patriots are old and busted. The Jets are the new hotness. First-place, bitches!

Unfortunately, I definitely did not watch the game as closely as I should have. I was too busy posting in football threads on the internet, and keeping tabs on my fantasy football teams and my H2H fantasy baseball team. That’s a lot of work! I can’t spend all my time just lying on the couch actually watching an entire football game. So I’ll do what I do best — post stats.

Mark Sanchez after two games:

60.4% completion pct, 435 yards, 2 TD, 1 INT, 91.3 QB rating

Not bad. Not bad at all. Let’s just ignore the two fumbles.

But Sanchez really isn’t the reason the Jets won today. The defense was definitely the star, making Brady look like total shit. Maybe Brady could have done that himself, since he doesn’t look like he’s back in sync with the offense yet, but major credit has to go to any defense that keeps the Patriots to 9 points. This is just what I needed to jump on the Jets bandwagon! Not that I wasn’t already a Jets fan, but I haven’t actually invested much time following the team for years. Favre wasn’t enough last year, since he was an incredibly old and I hated his guts for being such a selfish douchebag. Now with a new non-overhyped coach, and a young, impressive QB, I just might be down for watching every game this season. Now I need a certain friend to talk to me about football so I can sound more informed.

I still can’t believe that Sanchez is younger than me. The starting QB of my favorite NFL team was born after me. I am officially old now.

I don’t even remember how much football I actually watched. I definitely had the Jets-Texans game on for a bit, but for the most part, I’ll admit that I missed Mark Sanchez lighting up the Houston defense. Then on Monday I had the Patriots-Bills game on, and with 5 minutes left and a two-possession lead, I thought that maybe the Bills actually would win the game. The next time I looked up from the book I was reading, the Patriots were winning by one fucking point with 30 seconds left. The Jets could have had the best Week 1 possible, what with a win and impressive Sanchez performance, and a Patriots loss on top of that — but no, the Bills had to choke that shit away by fumbling a kickoff return instead of downing it in the end zone. I guess they thought it was an early 90s Super Bowl or something.

The only other notable thing I actually saw live was the ending to that Broncos-Bengals game. That would only happen to the Bengals.

So yeah, this post fucking sucks. I’m shocked you actually read this far.

Perhaps I should address the title of this post. I will definitely watch Mark Sanchez Futureâ„¢ battle the Anti-Christ Tom Brady this Sunday, considering it’s always a huge game. Maybe I’ll actually have insight to share after keenly watching the game. And by keenly watching, I mean having the game on the background while I do some other bullshit. Or sleep.

No wonder I suck at fantasy football.