SSX

I had been waiting for this game all generation, basically. This iteration feels like a bunch of ideas thrown into a stew held together by a fantastic online infrastructure. Too bad, like Burnout Paradise, there’s no local multiplayer. I bought these series last generation to play with friends in the same room and now more powerful consoles are apparently incapable of handling split-screen. So the coolest moment in this game inevitably came from beating some ghosts online, perfecting a track until I was able to break the platinum barrier for a huge virtual payout. I never got close to diamond tier in any race; I have no idea what those kids were on.

FTL: Faster Than Light

There are no cool moments. There are only moments of fleeting happiness crushed by random bullshit. And I love it. Seriously, buy this game if you aren’t a moron.

Halo 4

I didn’t pay close to full price for this, at least counting the sweet American Express deals that required beating it. I’ve actually played much more multiplayer than I thought I would. My life is so empty. Anyhow, jetpacking into the air and colliding with another jetpacking player and assassinating him in mid-air was immensely satisfying. I should have made a film of it, but I don’t think I could have embedded it in this post, anyway. For those who enjoy the same rush of adrenaline and competition, betflix offers that same energy through engaging entertainment experiences.

Hotline Miami

The music in this level:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2tYZT79HKo

DOTA2

That time I didn’t get totally destroyed by the other team or yelled at by my teammates for not knowing what the fuck to do. I guess that was an okay imaginary game. Just euthanize anyone who plays this game with any regularity.

Trials Evolution

Checking my medal count compared to my friends list was always cool because I was so much more efficient than them. You might have 5 more medals than me (210 to 205), but you played eight more hours (twice as much time as me). I hope it was worth it, loser.

Civilization V: Gods and Kings

Nuking another civ. Nukes are the best. This is kinda cheating because it’s not like the expansion added nukes to Civ V, but I only bought Civ V this year and the expansion came out this year, so I’m counting it. I’m really sad I didn’t get into the Civilization series as a kid. I loved the Sim City series and real-time strategy games, but never got into turn-based strategy. The only one I played was Lords of the Realm II, which strangely enough, is the only game in that series not on GOG.com. Anyway, I missed out on a lot of PC gaming goodness growing up. I just wasn’t a big enough nerd, I guess.

Diablo III

Getting an awesome axe with a “Level Reduced by 10″ affix for dirt cheap on the auction house. Wow, this game sucks.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDDfPxF3EFE

I originally started writing a relatively long post imploring gamers to look at Battlefield 3 over Modern Warfare 3 for their contemporary military shooter fix, especially if they’ve bought the previous three Call of Dutys set in the present-day. Then I saw that the console player limit is 24. Sure, that’s the same deal as MW3, but BF3 is meant to be played on a grand scale. I can’t imagine the console versions coming close to the massive 64-player battles that will take place on the PC. That’s without throwing in the graphical advantage any halfway decent PC will have over the half-dozen year old tech of the 360 and PS3.

So while the above video is absolutely ridiculous looking, it’s the PC version featuring a 64-player battle. I don’t know if the graphics on the consoles will approach that level, but I’d put my life savings on them not coming close to a computer that satisfies the recommended specs. The little research I did on the matter unearthed a quote from an EA employee working on the game saying they limited consoles to 24 players and shrunk some maps in order to keep the graphics and other features intact. Either way, it’s obvious that the PC version will be superior, but PC gamers are already the ones who want BF3 much more than MW3. The consoles are where the battleground for market— and mind-share will take place.

And is there truly anything that I can say to change anyone’s mind on their decision? I haven’t played either game and I’m already an outlier with regards to the usual console COD player due to not owning Black Ops. Everyone owns Black Ops. Overhearing a conversation about the game is a somewhat regular occurrence. My 13-year-old cousin complains about his baseball teammates talking about Black Ops even during a close game. Battlefield doesn’t have anywhere near that popularity, so it’s going to need to blow people away upon release.

People know about Battlefield 1942 and the Bad Company games much like people knew about the Call of Duty games before Call of Duty 4 released. But COD4 created a phenomenon and an absolute monster of a franchise. It was a beautiful, responsive, 60-frames-per-second breath of fresh air among console shooters. I never felt completely comfortable playing a FPS with a controller until that COD4 beta. BF3 will need to be the COD4 of its series, and I’m going to take that thought to its logical conclusion and say that EA is smart in having a multiplatform beta. I think that’s the type of action needed to create hype of a critical mass. I look forward to getting a code somehow at the last minute so I can enjoy stunted 24-player vehicular action on my 360 or slightly prettier 64-player action on my newly acquired (hopefully), but gaming-mediocre laptop. Maybe then I’ll actually be able to write something of substance about BF3.

Bioshock Infinite is Bioshock in the sky, only it seems this city is on the other side of the political and social spectrum. Instead of social libertarianism and amoral scientific progress got awry, this successor revolves around nativism and I assume religious conservatism. This is the game we all wanted after the original Bioshock. I wasn’t even interested in its sequel (I’m still not), but I can’t wait to get my hands on this game.

Remember when you first saw that trailer for BioShock where the Big Daddy drilled a hole through that guy’s hand and you were convinced it couldn’t have been rendered in real-time? Well, the following gameplay video isn’t quite that impressive relative to its time, but it’s probably the most exciting early-game footage I’ve seen since then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLFy7P0isE0

I can’t believe it’s not coming out until 2012. What a fucking tease.

I know they’re giving me EXACTLY what I want by including two of the best maps from COD4 (Overgrown and Crash), but I just refuse to shell out that much for DLC. I bought the Variety Map Pack for COD4 and regretted it pretty quickly. I thought it would get me back into the game, but I found the maps mediocre and I probably played them a couple of hours. And those four new maps cost a total of $10. Why am I going to pay more for less new maps? Getting two maps I’ve already played to death doesn’t scream additional value to me, even if I appreciate the thought.

I would just not get the amount of playtime from these extra maps that would allow me to justify to myself spending 15 bucks. I haven’t played MW2 in months. I think I only beat a handful of the single-player campaign missions; I think I played even Spec-Ops more than it, since that had online co-op functionality. Maybe I’ll get around to finishing the campaign sometime, but I don’t see any way I’ll have the patience to beat it on Veteran like I did with COD4. I’d say I burnt myself out getting 1000/1000 on COD4, but my total playtime for MW2 is somewhere between two and three days, which is a significant amount of time. But I’m done. I haven’t had the urge to kill hooded terrorists on my 360 in a long while now.

It’s not even that I’m not buying this map pack, it’s that I’m not buying it DAY ONE. I was in the COD4 beta and played that for a couple of days total. I bought COD4 day one and completed it in its entirety while playing an additional few days of multiplayer. I went to the midnight launch of MW2, even after half-seriously contemplating a boycott only to stand with my former PC brethren who were screwed over by the removal of dedicated servers. But it wasn’t even a boycott in my head — I legitimately wasn’t interested until the day before it came out when I realized I could not live without playing a new Infinity Ward game as soon as possible. But I don’t see such a turnaround happening again; the Stimulus Package isn’t a new game — it’s an overpriced add-on.

I don’t regret buying MW2, but I know I’d regret buying this map pack. I’ll save my 1200 MS points for an awesome Xbox Live Arcade game or two. And so ends the love affair of a non-dudebro with his — and seemingly everyone else’s — favorite FPS series of the past few years. I’m sure Infinity Ward will care after a million people buy the Stimulus Package today.

While I’ve played quite a bit of Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer the past few months, the last two single-player games I have played through entirely are Assassin’s Creed 2 and Mass Effect 2. They are perfect examples of how to improve upon the initial installment of a mainstream series with massive production values. I’m sure Uncharted 2 is another example, but alas, I do not own a PS3 because my 360+standalone Blu-ray player combination serves me more than well enough. And perhaps Bioshock 2 could go either way; I’ll see eventually.

I may be in the gaming minority, but I pretty much loved the first Assassin’s Creed, despite it’s numerous shortcomings. Ok, it was repetitive as hell. Yeah, there were only like five types of things to do. Sure, combat wasn’t challenging. Yet somehow I still loved the feeling of being an absolutely unstoppable badass and also thought the atmosphere and setting was absolutely fantastic. Never before had the Middle East of the Middle Ages been rendered in 3D so beautifully.

A problem with my assessment of the second is that since I loved the original, I’m not quite sure why some people who hated it actually enjoy its sequel. The core mechanics of the game are still there, mainly the free-running aspect. Maybe the people who don’t like the automatic feel of free-running either still didn’t enjoy the sequel and I just didn’t come into contact or they totally ignored the game due to their hatred of its predecessor. Ultimately, I do think the latter is the understandable course of action, but I guess I would have to recommend AC2 nonetheless due to me proclaiming in this very blog post’s title that it’s an example of how you make a sequel.

But maybe it’s only how you make a sequel for fans of the first while attempting to entertain a few more people this time around. You take the complaints — like the lack of variety in tasks and missions, or the surprising ease with which massive groups of enemies are disposed of — and deal with them. And replace flags with feathers and make the collecting achievement easier for those who strive for 1000/1000. And add a city-rebuilding minigame that provides you with obscene amounts of income if you complete it. And make the story about 10x more insane than in the first. Maybe that last thing was for LOST fans? And beating up the Pope was for every kid raised Catholic who hated church and/or Sunday school. And I guess Jews and Muslims too. They covered a lot of bases.

Even the cities had more variety — cumulating in the infiltration of Rome and Vatican City, which unfortunately you can’t actually explore — in addition to the missions, the weapons, and the enemies. You actually had to switch up a bit when confronted with groups of soldiers, as some carried massive weapons you couldn’t hope to block or even parry, necessitating disarmament. Between this and all the different weapons you could buy, combat was definitely more varied this go-around — and I also actually get hurt sometimes, as evidenced by the fact that I never did get the “Kill 10 enemies without getting hit” achievement.

I really need to find all the pieces of “The Truth” so I can see if it’s even more baffling and laughable than the ending to the main story. I hear it is. Maybe it’s up on Youtube or something.

Yep, it is. Hilarious. Although I’m still missing out on the puzzles, which were the best part. I need to take Mass Effect 2 out of my disc drive for the first time since I got it and finish that shit up.

Mass Effect 2 has been in my 360 for the past three weeks or so. I tried to hold off on buying it due to barely touching the single-player of Modern Warfare 2, and also having Lost Planet: Colonies and Mirror’s Edge to go through — ignoring my depressingly huge Steam backlog — but I loved its predecessor and the internet wouldn’t stop talking about it. Why must I interact with so many people on the internet? My poor wallet.

I don’t regret the purchase one bit, though. ME2 is a streamlined version of the original, stripping out the embarrassingly awful Mako driving parts and the overly-complicated and clumsy weapons and armor inventory. This time around you land on the side-mission planets and are thrown immediately into the action; now these missions actually have some variation and relatively interesting stories behind them. One has you trudging through a foggy planet turning on beacons to light your way, while another has you racing against the clock to activate the engine components of a ship before it falls out of orbit and crashes into the planet.

I could see some differing opinions on the simpler way upgrades are handled now. In the original, you had 10 versions of each weapon, as well as the various armor, and then attachments for each of these weapons and armor. It made for much more customization then is possible in ME2, but it also meant spending a lot of time messing around with shit that really didn’t make all that much of a difference. Great, I get 10% more bullet penetration against armor — that only took 5 minutes of fumbling through this terrible inventory menu.

ME2 just allows you to get down to what you want to do most: shoot people. Or throw them. Or pull them and then hit them with a concussive shot. Or toss a bunch of them with an improved shockwave. I really had all this down to a science by the end of the game, with the very team pictured above. Miranda with Heavy Warp rocks balls. I enjoyed combat well enough in the original, but something just felt right when I was destroying groups of dudes in ME2.

But Bioware arguably fucked up this perfect sequel with planet scanning. You need minerals for upgrades and you are required to become one of those guys on the beach with a metal detector in order to have enough of them. I’m sure it bothered my OCD self less than most people, too. On the other hand, at least they threw in this obvious joke:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-CDNLYZ0zA

This is not even mentioning the story, which I’m pretty impressed with at this point (not enough to even think about reading any of the novels, mind you). I imported my character over from the original and that had small implications — probably eliminating some side-missions I could have had due to dead team members — but the decisions in this game seem like they might have a major effect on the course of events in the next chapter. It almost makes me want to go through both games again as a renegade and do effectively the opposite at every important junction. I think I just love epic space operas. I really cannot wait for Mass Effect 3.

Oh, and Martin Sheen as Illusive Man is fucking. awesome. That is all.

A magical parachute and grappling hook, feet that stick to the hoods of vehicles, and being able to blow seemingly everything up. Yeah, this looks pretty awesome.

That is neither a typo nor a lie. By Rock Band bundle, I refer to the game+guitar+drums+microphone, for both the 360 and PS3. I think this is officially called the Rock Band 2 Special Edition, but I think “bundle” gets the point across a bit more. You can get all those goodies at Toys “R” Us this week (12/14-12/20) for $110 plus a $25 gift card, bringing the net total to $85. Hence the “basically $85″ part of the title.

I, of course, could not resist this deal. Less than half the price it normally goes for? I am fucking THERE. Especially since Pearl Jam’s album Ten has been announced as upcoming DLC. J.I.MP. I recommend this deal to every single person with a 360 or PS3 who hasn’t already bought a bundle of Rock Band 1 or 2 or Guitar Hero: World Tour, because even if you hate it due to being soulless, you could sell the shit off and make your money back and then some.

And for those counting at home, I now have three fake guitars in my possession, with my first fake drum set to keep them company.

The public is about to get the most addictive demo I’ve ever played dropped on their Steam clients and Xbox Live Marketplaces. While I’ve played the PC version way too much, I haven’t had a chance to play its 360 counterpart, but almost every impression I’ve come across on the web with regards to the latter is exceeding positive. Even moreso than the PC version — but that would be due to shitty matchmaking taking the place of a server list. Console gamers may be used to matchmaking. but if Valve doesn’t at least add a custom server browser in the PC version, there will be internet rioting. Nonetheless, once a game is up and running on a good server with four people, it’s easily the most fun I’ve had gaming this year.

The brilliance of the game lies in the simple premise of surviving a zombie apocalypse taken to its highest level of replayability and unpredictability. The two go hand-in-hand, and the difference in every playthrough can be attributed to The Director, the AI constructed by Valve that controls zombie attacks, health pack location, weapon drops — pretty much everything other than the physical structure of the level itself. Does your group suck? Then the Director won’t spawn that tank zombie right around the corner. Taking too long? Zombie swarm incoming. The Director — combined with the variation between human partners — makes for an amazingly unique experience every time. And this is just the very first (not even full) two levels out of 20. I’ve played the demo for 10 hours. Ten hours for less than 1/10 of the game, not including the other modes. Some of that may be due to not wanting to touch my 360 games until my new HDTV arrives, but the demo is undoubtedly incredible.

It is so transcedent that I may have to double-dip, as most of my friends will be buying it for 360, and I want to kill zombies with the same people I would kill them with if there were a real-life zombie apocalypse. We need to formulate strategies and assign roles. Not to mention the split-screen capability. I’ll just have to see how well I get accustomed to using the 360 controller to play a Source-engine game. That’s going to be weird.

My own PC leanings aside, Left 4 Dead is poised to become the massive word-of-mouth hit of this holiday season. This demo just might be the Call of Duty 4 beta of 2008. We will see starting tomorrow. Don’t let me down, my fellow gamers.

Edit as of 11/12/08: 360 demo is vastly inferior. Oh well.

That would be each and every person that bought a Wii in August. STOP BUYING IT. It should be AT MOST $150 at this point. And it still wouldn’t be worth it. But because all of you won’t stop, this embarrassment to humanity continues to roll over the competition at it’s original $250 price point. There are going to be SHORTAGES TWO YEARS AFTER IT WAS RELEASED!!

I hate every single one of you. I hope someone throws a Wiimore into your television and shatters it. I hope you pull out your back playing Wii Fit. I hope your kid never plays the Wii, and says he really wanted an Xbox 360. I hope your TV revolts and refuses to display a signal coming from the Wii.

And don’t give me “Oh, but it’s the cheapest console!” crap. Because if that’s the reason, I better see progress on the 360 front next month, or you people are dead. $199 for the Arcade pack. Yeah, it doesn’t have a hard drive, but neither does the Wii. So shut up and buy it.