Yet I have to admit that it has been the catalyst for much hilarity on morning TV programs, late-night shows, and of course YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNIqArJj8Eo

That Australian had to know what he was doing.

That would be each and every person that bought a Wii in August. STOP BUYING IT. It should be AT MOST $150 at this point. And it still wouldn’t be worth it. But because all of you won’t stop, this embarrassment to humanity continues to roll over the competition at it’s original $250 price point. There are going to be SHORTAGES TWO YEARS AFTER IT WAS RELEASED!!

I hate every single one of you. I hope someone throws a Wiimore into your television and shatters it. I hope you pull out your back playing Wii Fit. I hope your kid never plays the Wii, and says he really wanted an Xbox 360. I hope your TV revolts and refuses to display a signal coming from the Wii.

And don’t give me “Oh, but it’s the cheapest console!” crap. Because if that’s the reason, I better see progress on the 360 front next month, or you people are dead. $199 for the Arcade pack. Yeah, it doesn’t have a hard drive, but neither does the Wii. So shut up and buy it.

Pretty much the most horrifying GIF I have ever seen.

In case you think this is some spliced together gif, here is the video. I wouldn’t recommend clicking on that link, unless you want to blow your brains out. Especially since it starts with something about Sex and the City. I’m pretty sure the video is worse than 2girls1cup.

Yes, you can say writing a post about SSBB entails that “I care about it,” but I can also say you’re an idiot.

Getting that out of the way, let me explain why I — a massive fan of Super Smash Bros. Melee — came to be completely indifferent to the release of its sequel, a game many fully-grown adults have been looking forward to with the excitement of their 12-year-old counterparts with whom they probably embarrassingly waited in line at midnight a week ago.

I turned in my Nintard card a couple of years ago

Maybe it was going through my high school years. Maybe it was the disappointing trio of Metroid Prime 2, Zelda: Twilight Princess, and the naming of the Wii. Maybe it’s that Nintendo has been surpassed by multiple developers. Maybe I’m no longer a manchild slave to a Japanese gaming company. I just know I don’t slobber over every (or any) big Nintendo release anymore. Super Mario Galaxy almost got me, but one game wasn’t enough. The fact that I don’t play games too much with my friends in person anymore, combined with the fact that pretty much no one I know owns a Wii, sucked any wind out of my hype for Brawl, the last hope for a while that Nintendo had for getting my gaming dollar, meanwhile I like to also play casino games in the two up casino so I can also make some money as well. You may also try casino games like spaceman slotif you want an exciting way to win amazing prizes. LevelUp casino has good interface which makes gaming enjoyable. If you’re looking for online casino games where you can win cash prizes, then you may check out these slot88 games! Bitcoin casinos are also becoming popular as players find them to be more transparent and trustworthy than their traditional online counterparts. You can find the best crypto casinos at www.bitcoinlister.com. The best new crypto presales can be found at cryptsy.com. Spire Exchange is a smart platform to manage your digital assets.

I have more than enough to play on my Xbox 360

Call of Duty 4, Burnout Paradise, Mass Effect, Halo 3, Guitar Hero III, and tons of XBLA titles. I’m not going to be done playing all of these games for a while. Playing a game where Mario and Sonic fight each other might have been high on checklist when I was in elementary school. YEAH SNES VS. GENESIS

I have rediscovered 2D fighting games

After at least a dozen years of ignoring true 2D fighting, I have recently purchased used copies of Guilty Gear X2 #Reload and Street Fighter Anniversary Collection. I cannot believe the awesome I have missed. And King of Fighters XII looks amazing. Just look at it! I now understand the contempt many hardcore fighting fans have for the Smash Bros. series. It is truly child’s play in comparison.

Brawl is slower than Melee

Apparently, the Japanese dude behind Brawl felt that going back to original Nintendo 64 speed was for the best, as he thought Melee was too hectic. This only adds to the proof that this game is MADE FOR CHILDREN.

Its fans on the internet frighten me

The GAF hype thread for SSBB was the biggest in GAF history. It was an embarrassing collection of manchildren circle-jerking over every bit of information. Five pages would be dedicated to the announcement of a new stage. I’m disgusted that I even made a post about the game a year ago. I’m not even going to acknowledge other things might or might not have posted on the internet concerning the game.

And the fans in real life too

And I quote:

When I was leaving the mall, this group of nintendorks was walking in. The mall security guard was all, “YOU AINT COMIN IN HERE BITCHES!”

Later, we were walking away when this same group of dorks from behind us yelles, “YOU GUYS GET THE GAME?!” My friend and I started to walk faster. “CAN WE SEE IT!?” We began to walk a little bit faster. “WE JUST WANT TO SEE IT.” I started to run.

Luckily we made it back okay.

The horror stories of midnight launches never cease to amaze.

The online implementation is total shit

Between PC online gaming and now XBL, I expect halfway decent online features and performance in my gaming. Nintendo has pretty much never supplied this. Tetris DS is one game that was great to play online, but it still had friend codes. Not to mention that’s a handheld, where I don’t expect quite as much. Brawl doesn’t keep stats in matchmaking, has friend codes, and has no way for friends to communicate with one another. Good job, Nintendo. No stats in matchmaking because you want the focus to be on “fun.” Sounds like my gym class 15 years ago. If you had fun, you won.

I’m not going to buy a Wii anytime soon

$250 is too much for a console which only has two games that I’m interested in playing. Granted, I could most likely get a good amount of my money back if I sold the console after playing the games, but it’s still a pain in the ass to find. And since that’s the case, there is no price drop in sight. I hate people.

https://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/news/binary-news-network/spire-expands-platform-support-integrated-1192131547.html

Improved classic games with online play > straight-up emulation. I’d bring up the subject of price as well, but paying for Xbox Live Gold evens out the ridiculous pricing of Virtual Console games. Also, most people seem to hate the 360 controller’s D-pad for 2D games. Personally, I’ve had no trouble kicking ass in Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD Remix. I love typing out that whole name. Speaking of which, SPFIITHD Remix is a wonderful example of the awesomeness of XBLA. For $10, you get a PSX game with updated graphics (albeit not updated sprites), a new rebalanced mode, and (most of the time) lagless online multiplayer with achievements and leaderboards. I’ve barely touched Bioshock since Wednesday because of it. Probably because I absolutely rock balls at it. (Since I got my Call Of Duty 4 beta token on Friday, that has been taking up a massive amount of time as well.)

I haven’t even had a chance to play — nevermind buy — the vast majority of XBLA games, but I’m pretty sure just about all of them support online play, or at the very least achievements and leaderboards. TMNT2 1989 (Arcade), Worms, Uno, Streets of Rage 2, the list goes on pretty long. It really does make it feel like an old-school arcade, just virtual. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is pretty much a port, but its price of $10 is less than what a copy of it on PSX goes for on eBay — and that’s just an awesome single-player experience anyhow.

Sure, the points system is a bit sneaky and deceitful, considering 80 points = $1, but any functional human being should be able to figure that out. Plus, it seems the points card system allows some deals to pop up for gamers to take advantage of, or even exploit to their fullest extent. I just became aware of a deal at Best Buy: Pre-order Halo 3 and get a 1600 points card for $5. That’s 1/4 of the regular price. I can get Pac-Man C.E. and Worms for a total of $5. Not bad. Would I rather be able to just buy the games directly with my debit card like I do with Steam? Yea, I would. Am I going to cry over this stupid, extra layer of transaction? No. Besides, Nintendo has the same shit going with the Wii.

It seems like I might be turning into a Microsoft viral marketer, but I’m just loving my 360 that much. It always happens with new consoles. I got a PS2 last year — 6 years after it was released — and it was still awesome. Now imagine getting a 2 year old console that allows you to do so much more. It’s pretty much just a cheaper PC, just with a slick, integrated interface dedicated to gaming. (It even has the overheating problems!) Now if I only had a mouse and keyboard so I could kick ass in COD4…

I missed most of the Nintendo E3 Conference this morning, but I got home just in time for their featured non-game: Wii Fit. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The entire internet gaming community couldn’t believe what was going on. Nintendo has been saying for a while that they are not competing with Microsoft and Sony; they really meant it. While MS and Sony are left fighting for the dollars of 20-somethings with disposable income, Nintendo is creating games for overweight moms.

Ah, just as I’m writing this post, I saw this picture:

Sums it up pretty damn well. But if you listen to the mainstream press, Nintendo won this E3 handily with their exercise non-game.

Washington Post

Nintendo Is Star of E3 Show as Rivals Scramble to Catch Up

Forbes

Price cuts and new colors on hardware will only go so far to help Sony catch up to Nintendo, which is moving to take an even bigger lead. Earlier on Wednesday at Nintendo’s E3 event, the company attempted to prove that it could expand upon its successful strategy of appealing to nontraditional gamers, while at the same time encroaching on Sony’s hard-core gamer demographic.

Nintendo aims to get traditional gamers interested in the Wii with a new gun-shaped controller and a few “first-person shooter” games. For everyone else, Nintendo intends to capitalize on the Wii’s motion-sensing features by selling a new suite of health-conscious games called Wii Fit. It requires the purchase of a floor-pad controller that looks a lot like a bathroom scale.

I have to say that I don’t see where Nintendo “encroached” on Sony’s hardcore demographic. Nintendo has exactly the same franchises it has always had (such as Metroid, Mario, and Super Smash Bros), but the only game that truly seems to take full advantage of the Wiimote capabilites is Super Mario Galaxy, which looks to be the best game Nintendo has made in years. The same old Nintendo fans, including myself, are going to be the ones interested in these games, especially since Nintendo BARELY dedicated any time to them, deciding to instead focus on their casual non-games that are the bane to gamers everywhere.

I’ve played Wii Sports – it was the most shallow gaming experience I can remember. I played each of the six sports once, and that was enough for the rest of my life. Now with games like Vision Training and Wii Fit, Nintendo seems to be shifting way too much of its resources towards such inexpensive electronic activities. Yes, activities. They’re not even games. Reggie Fils-Aime, the President of NoA (Nintendo of America) stood on the Wii Fit platform and had his center of gravity and his BMI calculated. This happened during the conference while people watched. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?! THIS IS A VIDEOGAME?!? THIS IS NINTENDO?!?

The saddest part was that it was presented by Shigeru Miyamoto, the mastermind behind Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros, Zelda…and shit, even Pikmin. Now he created Wii Fit, and he got his ass totally kicked by Reggie in some game where you head soccer balls by leaning on the floor-pad accessory. The fact that he got completely owned at his own game explains a lot. Miyamoto, what the hell have you done?

But the mainstream press is probably right. Wii Fit will probably be a huge phenomenon – especially in Japan – and Nintendo will continue to rake in sales and insane profits. The Land of the Rising Sun already can’t get enough of the DS and its training games. This trend will just extend to the Wii. There’s already a cooking game. Soon there will be Wii Hairdressing, starring Cher (joke stolen from a forum buddy), Wii Whittling, Wii Housewife, and maybe even Wii Handjobs.

So instead of trying to take the rest of their franchises to the next level like they’ve done with Super Mario Galaxy, Nintendo fans are left with Metroid Prime 3, which looks exactly the same as its predecessors plus waggle control which adds nothing, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which will probably be great admittedly (but online is still a question), Mario Kart, which looks (and probably plays) exactly the same as the GC version, and some other stuff I don’t even care about anymore.

Maybe it’s age catching up with me, but what the fuck happened to Nintendo? As I, along with the rest of the online gaming community, feel that they are turning to shit, the sales of the Wii continue to destroy the competition. Maybe it’s the price difference, but there has to be something to what Nintendo is doing. Just don’t expect hardcore gamers to like it. It’s just unfortunate that the real next-gen consoles are so goddamn expensive.

Wii

For $250, you get one Wiimote and nunchuck, Wii Sports, and an online service (Wiiconnect) that at this point only allows you to buy overpriced old games with no upgrades at all. Wii’s killer app is a Zelda game that should have been released months ago on its predecessor. From what I’ve read and heard, the game is great, but it’s still just a last-gen game with some added-on Wiimote functionality. I’ll admit from the demo that I played that at least fishing was fun – I did not get used to the controls in actual gameplay though. Then there’s Excite Truck, which looks and plays like a generic racer from last gen, but you tilt the controller. It’s pretty fun, I’ll admit, but the Burnout series murders it. The other exclusive games on the system range from a DS port (Trauma Center) to a mini-game compliation (Rayman: Raving Rabbids) to a game that looks like Goldeneye, and plays worse (Red Steel). Metal Slug Anthology will be a must-buy for any true gamer though (whenever it fucking comes out) – but you can also get it on PS2 and PSP. Maybe the added Wiimote controls are pretty cool though. Madden 07 on the Wii provides a little different take on the franchise that might be somewhat cool. I don’t know of any other games even worth mentioning at this point. The Wii is all about potential at this point, because many of the games don’t make great use of the Wiimote. Wii Sports is the one game that provides a showcase for the untapped potential for the new control scheme Nintendo has conjured up. I’ll admit that so far the gamble Nintendo has taken with the Wii has paid off in positive hype and sales.

Xbox 360

Ah, the system that has already been on the market for a year – and it shows. It has by far the best library, but it’s still not that diverse or impressive. There’s a handful of great shooters – such as Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six: Vegas, and Gears of War – but controllers for FPSs just get to me nowadays. Other critically acclaimed games include Oblivion and Viva Pinata. So at $399 (the $299 core system is a joke), you can get the best gaming next-gen has to offer right now. But be ready to shell out another $49 a year for Xbox Live, a necessity for any avid gamer. With it you get access to demos and the Xbox Live Marketplace, which has games like Uno, Geometry Wars, and Street Fighter 2 Turbo available to buy – all with online capabilties. The Xbox 360 is without a doubt a great system, and Halo 3 is still looming on the horizon, so Microsoft has done good.

PS3

Oh Sony, what have you done? I’ll never understand the massive lines for the PS3 nor the massive amounts of money PS3s were getting on eBay. What the fuck is wrong with people? What games do they want to play so badly? Or do they just want a cheap Blu-ray player? I’ll admit that in terms of hardware and features, the $599 premium version of the PS3 provides the most bang for your buck (with Blu-ray, Wifi, and 60 GB HD), but in terms of games, it’s easily the worst. The only arguably great game is Resistance, and even that looks like a generic PC FPS – and for the prices some PS3s are going for, one can buy a decent PC where you can play superior FPSs with a mouse and keyboard. And remember how I said Excite Truck didn’t exactly live up to its name? Motorstorm is even worse. It feels like the game is running at 15 fps while the vehicles are driving through mud. But I don’t like realistic racing games all too much, so what do I know? Sony has been taking a beating in the press, and they deserve it. The PS3 is really not that much more powerful than Xbox 360, so if it manages to lose the few exclusive series it has left – Metal Gear Solid, Devil May Cry, Virtua Fighter – Sony is in big trouble. It has already lost GTA4.

To wrap this up, I don’t see any of the new consoles truly being worth a purchase this holiday season. I’m probably going to pick up a Wii only because I just recieved a bunch of money from my awesome grandparents, and because I’m going to have to get one when Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out anyway. I might pick up Xbox 360 once it has a price drop (hopefully coinciding with the release of Halo 3). But right now, I’m truly happy with my PS2 and DS. The amount of quality titles on DS is mindblowing, and I only recently bought a PStwo, so I have dozens of great games to catch up on. And if I couldn’t get a Wii, I’d be fine with Zelda on GC.

Now here’s a comparison pic of all the consoles for fun: