- I had never seen “CAUTION: FALLING ICE” signs on sidewalks before.

- Chicago’s skyline is the only one in North America to rival NYC’s. It’s pretty damn impressive — but still inferior. Second City indeed. I wonder which city has a higher density of Starbucks+Dunkin’ Donuts, though.

- Every other apartment had massive wooden staircases that seemed integral to the structures. Didn’t they learn anything from that incident in 1871?

- Walking around a city in a suit and overcoat had to be the first time I felt like an adult since…nope, that had to be the first time.

- Law schools being located way off main campus is total bullshit.

- Wrigley Field really does look like the 96-year-old stadium it is. And I only saw its exterior from the L (elevated rail). I imagine seating inside it makes you feel like you are back at the turn of the century. Until you notice everyone around you has a smartphone.

- Chicago apparently still wants the 2016 Olympics, as I saw a massive banner for it. Someone needs to tell Chicagoans they lost.

- Fuck deep dish pizza and fuck Roger Ebert. I had some pizza he apparently rated four stars — almost as inaccurate as his Avatar review.*

- I must admit the massive heating lights in some L stations were a nice touch, but if there’s a BIG city that needs its public transportation to be underground, it’s Chicago. Although, it was not particularly cold or windy (comparable to NYC) while I was there. Lucky me.

- O’Hare Airport didn’t have free Wi-Fi. Guess which airport did?

- On the plane trip home, while surfing through JetBlue’s live TV offerings, I came across Fox News. It was Glenn Beck, and the first words out of his mouth were, “What, do we all have pixie dust that shoots out of our butts from time to time?” I turned it off immediately before he could ruin the moment by making sense.

- I am no George Clooney — then again, who is?

*Ok, the pizza wasn’t actually THAT bad, but I just can’t endorse any pizza that is more efficiently eaten with a knife and fork. New York pizza has EATABILITY.

- I never thought the government of a Western country could be so hung up on pointless, retarded tradition. The Queen has a dress the length of my house and can’t leave the House of Lords, some guy walks up and knocks on the door of the House of Commons twice to signify a bullshit event, no commoner is allowed to sit down in either of the Houses, you’re not allowed to have all your teeth, etc.

- On the flip side, one of the security guards at Parliament was a pre-op tranny. I don’t think that’s very traditional.

- It’s all about pissing in a massive urinal that takes up the entire wall. Not even a urinal. It’s basically just the wall with water running down.

- Why did no one tell me that London Bridge is just some totally nondescript bridge now? I wasn’t expecting there to be any heads on display anymore, but what the hell? Apparently, Tower Bridge is the fancy one now. Rubbish.

- They have McDonald’s and Burger King, but not Wendy’s. What a barbaric country.

- Did you know people actually care about cricket over there? Cricket! I wanted to check out some cricket bats while I was in London’s premier department store, Harrods, but I couldn’t find any. Possibly the disappointment of the trip.

- Cider is actually on tap in pubs over there. Hard cider. And it’s not bad at all.

- Every food portion is smaller there. I had 6 oz and 8 oz burgers in London with small sides of “chips”, and within a couple of days being home, I had a 10 oz burger with a massive supply of fries. No wonder I barely saw any fatasses there.

- Speaking of Harrods, there were fossils on sale there. Motherfucking fossils. $440,000 fossils. I thought artifacts like that were sold exclusively at closed auctions that only allow admittance with a monocle or beautiful trophy wife. The store also had some awesome first print posters that I admit caught my eye. $2500 for a massive original Taxi Driver poster? I’m game.

- Not exclusive to London, but a girl with iPhone GPS is no less hopeless when it comes to arriving at her destination.

- I stayed in a single dorm room that had its own ensuite bathroom. Apparently, this isn’t a big deal in England. The dorm room allegedly “wasn’t even that nice.” No wonder I wanted to kill myself at MIT.

- Not having to tip every time you eat out or every time you order a drink is a nice change of pace.

- If you go to an Indian restaurant with a mostly Muslim clientele, expect the waiter to not even acknowledge that the woman is there.

- Public transportation there is better than in NYC in every conceivable way. The tube is cleaner and comfier than the subway, and there are a shitload of clean and comfy buses. Basically, envision the sea of yellow taxis in NYC replaced with a wall of red buses. And then, on top of this, there are little electronic signs that display how much time until the next few trains/buses and where they’re going. It’s fucking impressive.