A Bad 9 Holes of Golf
I don’t even need to play a full round of terrible golf before I want to drive my golf cart into the Great South Bay. Multiple three-putts combined with sand traps equipped with golf ball tractor beams is a recipe for me snapping a club in half and cursing out any human being who dares open his mouth.

When An Answer To A Sporcle Quiz Is Kyrgyzstan
You really expect me to spell that correctly? I hate you and your stupid face, person who came up with that quiz.

Mets Fans Who Don’t Like David Wright
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Is this a Wire situation where its 5th season was maligned due to being obviously inferior to its predecessors, even though it was still better than 95% of television? David Wright from 2005-08 — while not quite as valuable as Albert Pujols or Chase Utley — was arguably the first player you would pick to build a team around; Bill James even said so himself on 60 Minutes before the 2008 season. And even though Wright’s taken a frustrating step back the past two seasons, he’s still been worth ~4 wins each year. He’s the only guy that’s been on a field consistently the past four disastrous seasons. But you want him off the team because he has been striking out more than you’d like. Ok, I’ll admit the throwing errors are frustrating. You still don’t deserve David Wright.

The Fact That American Idol Is Still The Highest Rated Show On TV
Do any of its viewers actually listen to the performers? This includes my parents, as they are the sole reason I am forced to acknowledge the show’s existence. Any time I overhear someone signing, it confirms my suspicions that the talent pool has been diluted to the level of a high school audition. I cannot wrap my head around the ratings this terrible competition receives.

Oh Wait, Jersey Shore Is Ten Times Worse
You are the reason The Situation makes more money than you. You enabled Snooki to “write” a book. If this is ever aired in the Middle East, al-Qaeda’s recruiters will have a watermark year.

Thinking One Of My Tweets Is Awesome Only To See It Not Get RT’d
Fuck all you people for not recognizing my momentary genius! Twitter is dumb anyway! *cries*

An Extended Death Streak in CoD/CS/DoD/Quake/Unreal/Halo/Any FPS
Is there anything that makes you want to throw your controller anymore than getting repeatedly murdered in the digital realm? If I’m going to die, I want to bring at least one virtual guy down with me. Re-spawning under airstrikes, getting killed by camping snipers, dying to a random grenade, or just being legitimately terrible are all grounds for rage-quitting while yelling “FUCK THIS”.

When A Favorite Streaming Porn Video Disappears
A part of my penis dies whenever this happens. And it’s not like I have an ample amount to spare.

Whenever I Think Of How Much (Spam) Traffic I Lost By Moving To Self-Hosting
“Hey, it’d probably be a cool idea to get some storage space on the internet for all those GIFs. You could self-host your blog, too. Maybe even try adding one of those Google ads just for curiosity’s sake. Nevermind that you got linked by Deadspin and Fark on the old URL. Ignore the fact that over a year later, you’ll still have a fraction of the traffic and comments you had before you changed that URL and moved away from WordPress.com. And you won’t ever bother with that whole ad idea because it was pointless in the first place.” I suck at the internet sometimes.

These Two Tweets
How is it possible for someone to believe this? Has anyone ever been more wrong in the history of mankind?

Myself
What a waste of a human being. I need to write a script about a guy who goes back in time to stop himself from being born, based on myself. The Abortinator. Can you imagine the paradoxes?

Venturing Down Ballot Once Again, Part I and Part II – 3:10ToJoba examines the biggest screwjobs in MVP voting history, with Cal Ripken Jr. taking the prize as most royally screwed. Let’s remember, he wasn’t “The Iron Man” yet!

New York Post Mets Back Pages – Amazin’ Avenue reminds you why the Post is the most entertaining paper in the city — even though it’s barely a legitimate newspaper.

Official Brett Favre Depreciation Thread – Easily one of the best threads on GAF. Every time Brett Favre ends his career with a team with an interception, it gets bumped. Every time he retires or un-retires, it’s bumped. It will never die.

The Dogs Who Ride Trains – In Soviet Russia, dog rides you! No really, though, how goddamn cool is this? Dogs are the absolute fucking best.

The 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes – I don’t even find some of these cheesy, but there’s enough greatness here to warrant the full 10 minutes. It’s no THE WIRE – 100 Greatest Quotes, though (by the same guy). Perhaps I should have given this it’s own post, since it’s a video, but I told myself I need at least five links.

Late Addition: NBC Will Regret Appeasing Leno – The Wall Street Journal compares NBC to Neville Chamberlain and Jay Leno to Adolf Hitler. That leaves Conan as Czechoslovakia. You won’t read anything more awesome this week.

Best Buy is having its (bi?)annual 50% off HBO DVD sets sale. I put the question mark because I only seem to notice the deal around Christmas every year. I hear they do it biannually, though. And since Amazon is pretty much the greatest commercial entity ever created, they are matching Best Buy’s sale with almost every set. That means you can buy The Wire Complete Series for 90 bucks almost any which way you prefer. Other awesome deals that I highly recommend, going by their Amazon prices:

Curb Your Enthusiasm (Seasons 1-6): $15.99 each
Rome (Seasons 1 & 2): $29.99 each
Band of Brothers (Blu-ray): $37.49

Of course, there’s The Sopranos, Entourage, Deadwood, etc. I actually haven’t seen Rome, but I’m not buying it because I’m crossing for my fingers for a Blu-ray release. Gratuitous gore and nudity in HD? Yes, please.