Taken

I watched the non-pussified original French version. What has America come to when a French version of a movie is more badass than the American version? I haven’t seen the edited-down PG-13 version that was just released in theaters, but it seems it at least keeps MOST of the awesomeness of the original cut. Nonetheless, I recommend seeing the international version any way you can. It is like a Bourne movie with Jack Bauer in the lead plus 15 years. There’s about 20 minutes of set-up — where his daughter is kidnapped after being in France for approximately half an hour — and then over an hour of basically pure action ensues. Liam Neeson tells dudes he’s going to kill them before he brutally kills them with a chop to the neck plus a shot to the head. He also drives through buildings and electrocutes henchmen. No more explanation needed. Check it out.

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead

This movie pretty much made me want to kill myself. What a goddamn shithole of a film. Thank God Marisa Tomei was naked for half of her screen time.

Gran Torino

Clint Eastwood carries this entire film. Not only did he direct it, he’s pretty much the only good actor in the entire thing. He even

*SPOILER ALERT*

sings at the end.

*END SPOILER*

Yes, he had to do everything. Now, I’ve heard the argument that the way the Myung’s act in the film is actually a fairly accurate representation. Even if that’s the case, it was still hilarious. Almost the entire film was hilarious. It was certainly funnier than Tropic Thunder and Stepbrothers. And that’s what probably stops me from taking it as seriously as Clint Eastwood probably wanted it to be. But it is somewhat of a testament to Eastwood’s awesomeness that even through it’s obvious he threw it together in a few weeks and that it’s almost offensively formulaic — although the ending saves it with regards to the latter — you still relate to his old hardass character.

Doomsday

A great, great B-movie. Unbelievably violent and ridiculous. It’s almost two movies in one, and both of them are awesome. I — and I may have to turn in my nerd card here — haven’t seen many John Carpenter movies, but the fans of him I know on the internets seem to agree that this is a movie he could’ve made. This is an apocalypse movie straight out of the 80s.

Wanted

Even more ridiculous than Doomsday, but definitely tried to take itself a bit more seriously, which knocks it down a pegs or two on the entertainment scale. On the other hand, one of Morgan Freeman’s lines alone makes the movie worth watching. And the climactic final scene is totally amazing. It’s like that part in Equilibrium where Christian Bale kills 100 dudes in that hallway, only 10x better and more bloody. There is a decent message stuffed beneath the bullet curving and loom of fate, though. The last line drives it home and makes you feel like a loser. Unless, of course, you’re out killing people. Then you’re obviously awesome.

RocknRolla

Guy Ritchie really only knows how to make one movie. I’m just glad he got back to making that movie. Maybe I’ll just a flithy American philistine, but I thoroughly enjoyed both Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Hilarious scenes, great soundtracks, ludricious plots. But many reviewers shit on both of them while saying RocknRolla was Ritchie’s best film. Fuck them. RocknRolla isn’t as entertaining as either of those movies, but it’s still pretty damn great. I’m definitely hoping Ritchie is able to follow through on his proposed trilogy. At this point, you know whether or not you like Guy Ritchie, so I don’t believe any more commentary is needed.