Power of the cocksword.

I just saw Lesnar take a beating that would have killed most normal people, and put most MMA fighters into a coma. Yet he came back the next round and choked out his opponent, Shane Carwin.

Remember when I said the best heavyweight in the world wasn’t in the UFC?

Lesnar is without a doubt the scariest motherfucker alive. I mean, he already kinda was, but there was still Fedor, who — even though he was a bit of a chubster — was an “undefeated” crazy Russian dude. But now he has lost, and Brock just beat a guy who had never let an opponent past the first round. Carwin tired himself out, shocked that Lesnar was still breathing after taking one million punches to the head.

It was a heavyweight main event that lived up to the hype. And it was a fantastic job by the ref not to stop the fight while Carwin was pounding on Lesnar while sitting on top of him, making him bleed all over the mat. Lesnar was defending and attempting to fight back the entire time — just not very well.

I still think the fight before (Akiyama – Leben) was more entertaining, but everyone knows going in that a heavyweight fight isn’t going to go more than a few rounds, nevermind all five of a title fight. For Lesnar to come back from the fucking precipice of death to winning the fight is just godly. I’ve never been a Lesnar fan, outside of marveling at what an absolute beast he is, but fuck, he’s won me over completely. I’d even root for him in a Fedor matchup, because U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Stolen from Bloody Elbow’s comments section:

To steal from Bloody Elbow once again, that very post sums up the fallout perfectly:

1. Fedor Emelianenko – The big one. As Luke Skywalker told the Emperor in Return of the Jedi, it was Fedor’s overconfidence that proved to be his weakness. The Russian paid no caution to Werdum’s guard and paid the biggest price possible. When Fedor begrudgingly tapped, he lost the aura that made him so appealing to the MMA fan base. He’s no longer FEDOR, but simply Fedor.

It’s a rule in MMA that EVERYONE loses, even the very best of fighters. The sport is too unpredictable and one mistake can end a fight. Yet Fedor always seemed to find a way to win. And accomplishing this as a heavyweight made his legend as immensely epic as possible. He wasn’t just the best “pound for pound” fighter in the world, he was the best fighter, period, full stop. There could be no talk of him moving up a weight class. He fought someone who was 7 feet tall!

So is my post from a year ago still true? I know the YouTube video is still badass, but Fedor just lost to Fabricio Werdum, who was the 9th ranked MMA heavyweight, and also a fighter who was released from UFC. Dana White is eating it up, as evidenced by this post on twitter.

I don’t know how to feel, because I didn’t even get to watch the fight as it happened. I found out Fedor lost by a “Holy. Shit.” on Twitter and someone on MSN telling me that Fedor had lost. I didn’t quite believe it, until Twitter updated again and I saw a string of about 10 people saying “Oh my fucking God” in different ways. The feed I was watching cut out right as the fight started, and since it ended only a minute later, I wasn’t able to find another working streaming in time. Fuck my cheap ass.

But I’ll say I’m pretty disappointed that we’ll never see an undefeated Fedor fight an undefeated Brock Lesnar, which was what every MMA fan — casual or hardcore — was pining for before Fedor joined Strikeforce instead of UFC. Since then, I feel like most people have split into two camps, one of which is extremely happy tonight, the other crying themselves to sleep. The former group consists of people pissed at Fedor seemingly ducking the best competition available, while an example of the latter would be whoever made that YouTube video.

At least Stephen Strasburg is still a God, right? Oh wait, he’s on the Nationals. Shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVVrNOQtlzY

Fedor Emelianenko scares me more than Mike Tyson in his prime. The guy is Russian, and he trains like Rocky in Rocky IV. So he’s like Ivan Drago and Rocky combined. Plus grappling and submission skills. The only fight he has “lost” was due to a cut from an illegal elbow, and due to it occurring in a tournament format where blood equals losing, he got fucked. So for all intents and purposes, he has never lost — this in a sport where a lucky punch or stupid maneuver on the ground can cost an entire match. Holy shit.

Keeping this information in mind, anyone can see why when the LA Times reported earlier this week that Fedor and the UFC were close to a deal, the entire MMA community was frothing in anticipation. When news came out about a rumored 6-fight/$30 million deal, fans got even more excited. But it never truly looked like it was going to happen, and by early this morning, the president of the UFC, Dana White, gave the final word. No deal.

I’m not going to analyze why Fedor and his handlers or managers or agent didn’t accept such an insane deal — I just wanted to post that YouTube tribute video because it’s one the most badass things I’ve seen on the internet. What a fucking animal. I wanted to see him destroy Brock Lesnar. Sigh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UJx4kbI7v8

14 seconds. Knocked out by a one-footed jab. Wow.

And now in GIF form!

Well, Crush’s real name is Gina Carano. But anyone that has watched the new American Gladiators knows her as Crush. The hot gladiator. Kimbo is Kevin Ferguson, but I’ve never heard him get refered to as anything but Kimbo Slice. Just look at the juxtaposition of those two pics. Wow. I’m pretty sure they are the opposing figures of what each man wants to run into on the street at 3 am. The one thing they share is the ability to beat the shit out of you.

In case you didn’t know, CBS aired the first primetime MMA event tonight (MMA stands for mixed martial arts). Most people’s knowledge of the sport is limited to UFC, due to it being based in America and becoming easily the biggest MMA organization in the world. I can’t say I’m any different, although I’ve heard of Pride — but that organization was bought by UFC anyhow. The organization that was televised tonight was Elite XC, a new startup that just got a ton of exposure. UFC has had its PPV events and constant shows on Spike, but those are nothing compared to CBS at 9 pm.

And the two faces that people knew were the two at the top of this post. I know I got my friends to watch it because of Kimbo. I have no doubt some guys watched due to Gina Carano — who by the way wore Red Alert 3 gear and walked out to Hell March (since she is starring in RA3 cutscenes). Awesome.

I find it pretty interesting that almost exactly a year ago, Chuck Liddell and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson fought in the most heavily-hyped UFC fight ever. Liddell had been a guest star on Entourage, and ESPN couldn’t get enough of the matchup. Unfortunately — for UFC and MMA as a whole — Liddell came in looking pretty out of shape, and consequently got knocked the fuck out by Rampage in the first round. I haven’t heard a peep about MMA since then.

But tonight, I think people got a good show. I didn’t get to watch nearly enough of the event — hell, I barely watched any of it. But Crush beat down the other girl she fought, and Kimbo won his fight as well. And both fights went past the first round. On the other hand, it seemed like Kimbo did not know what he was doing on the ground.

You see, Kimbo became famous over the past few years due to YouTube videos surfacing of a huge black dude with a crazy beard beating the shit out of other dudes on people’s lawns. That huge black dude was Kimbo. He’s the definition of a street brawler. Here’s the video you should’ve seen by now, unless you live under a rock. I remember watching the video so long ago, and only recently — when seeing an ESPN special — did I realize that was the “Kimbo” dude I was hearing about. The guy has only been training for MMA for a year and he obviously did not know what he was doing. Fortunately, the guy he was facing was apparently not that good, and Kimbo was able to punch him in the face. Repeatedly.

But this other guy, a British fighter named James Thompson, showed some heart. After looking like he was about to fall due to a barrage of Kimbo punches, he was able to get a single-leg takedown on Kimbo, which I thought was pathetic on Kimbo’s part. Mike Tyson he ain’t. The minute Thompson started stumbling, Tyson would’ve finished his ass. As John Mason says in The Rock, “You must never hesitate.” Yes, I know boxing isn’t the same thing as MMA, but I’ve watched plenty of other fights, and when guys get dazed — even if just for a second — the other fighter almost always bullrushes him and pounds the imminent loser into oblivion.

Even after landing another barrage in the third round, with one punch exploding Thompson’s disgustingly huge cauliflower ear, the referee ended up having to call the fight with Thompson still standing, leading to boos from the crowd. Kimbo should’ve finished him off right, but since he didn’t, and Thompson looked like he could lose consciousness at any moment, I don’t blame the ref for stopping the beating.

Here’s the third round:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2EaMr5F_o0

The second half of the second round is where some people thought the match should’ve been called, since Kimbo was stuck against the cage with Thompson over him, elbowing him in the head over and over again. And Kimbo just lied there. It didn’t seem like it was particularly hurting him, but it was kinda ridiculous. He was just waiting for the bell to ring. But it’s also Thompson’s fault for not finishing him off there. A better fighter would have. I definitely don’t think it should’ve been called there, but it just showed that Kimbo really had no clue what the hell to do, and maybe that his cardio isn’t exactly up to snuff.

Well, that’s enough of my amateur analysis of a sport I barely know. If I was watching with a specific friend, I’d probably have some real insight. I just know that the sport got at least one more fan tonight, as my friend Greg said, “Holy shit, that was awesome. Fuck boxing.” after the event was over. I think plenty of men across the country had the same reaction. But it’s kinda weird it was on CBS, right?

Now I’m just curious about the ratings, since the plan is to televise an event every other month. Maybe if the ratings are awesome enough, they’ll televise every Elite XC event. What else are they going to show during the summer?