A Bad 9 Holes of Golf
I don’t even need to play a full round of terrible golf before I want to drive my golf cart into the Great South Bay. Multiple three-putts combined with sand traps equipped with golf ball tractor beams is a recipe for me snapping a club in half and cursing out any human being who dares open his mouth.

When An Answer To A Sporcle Quiz Is Kyrgyzstan
You really expect me to spell that correctly? I hate you and your stupid face, person who came up with that quiz.

Mets Fans Who Don’t Like David Wright
What the fuck is wrong with these people? Is this a Wire situation where its 5th season was maligned due to being obviously inferior to its predecessors, even though it was still better than 95% of television? David Wright from 2005-08 — while not quite as valuable as Albert Pujols or Chase Utley — was arguably the first player you would pick to build a team around; Bill James even said so himself on 60 Minutes before the 2008 season. And even though Wright’s taken a frustrating step back the past two seasons, he’s still been worth ~4 wins each year. He’s the only guy that’s been on a field consistently the past four disastrous seasons. But you want him off the team because he has been striking out more than you’d like. Ok, I’ll admit the throwing errors are frustrating. You still don’t deserve David Wright.

The Fact That American Idol Is Still The Highest Rated Show On TV
Do any of its viewers actually listen to the performers? This includes my parents, as they are the sole reason I am forced to acknowledge the show’s existence. Any time I overhear someone signing, it confirms my suspicions that the talent pool has been diluted to the level of a high school audition. I cannot wrap my head around the ratings this terrible competition receives.

Oh Wait, Jersey Shore Is Ten Times Worse
You are the reason The Situation makes more money than you. You enabled Snooki to “write” a book. If this is ever aired in the Middle East, al-Qaeda’s recruiters will have a watermark year.

Thinking One Of My Tweets Is Awesome Only To See It Not Get RT’d
Fuck all you people for not recognizing my momentary genius! Twitter is dumb anyway! *cries*

An Extended Death Streak in CoD/CS/DoD/Quake/Unreal/Halo/Any FPS
Is there anything that makes you want to throw your controller anymore than getting repeatedly murdered in the digital realm? If I’m going to die, I want to bring at least one virtual guy down with me. Re-spawning under airstrikes, getting killed by camping snipers, dying to a random grenade, or just being legitimately terrible are all grounds for rage-quitting while yelling “FUCK THIS”.

When A Favorite Streaming Porn Video Disappears
A part of my penis dies whenever this happens. And it’s not like I have an ample amount to spare.

Whenever I Think Of How Much (Spam) Traffic I Lost By Moving To Self-Hosting
“Hey, it’d probably be a cool idea to get some storage space on the internet for all those GIFs. You could self-host your blog, too. Maybe even try adding one of those Google ads just for curiosity’s sake. Nevermind that you got linked by Deadspin and Fark on the old URL. Ignore the fact that over a year later, you’ll still have a fraction of the traffic and comments you had before you changed that URL and moved away from WordPress.com. And you won’t ever bother with that whole ad idea because it was pointless in the first place.” I suck at the internet sometimes.

These Two Tweets
How is it possible for someone to believe this? Has anyone ever been more wrong in the history of mankind?

Myself
What a waste of a human being. I need to write a script about a guy who goes back in time to stop himself from being born, based on myself. The Abortinator. Can you imagine the paradoxes?

The Red Sox Continue To Do Things Right – 3:10 explains why Theo Epstein is smart and why Omar Minaya isn’t. Well, I added the second part.

Everything you always wanted to know about: UZR – A primer on the preeminent sabermetric fielding statistic at the moment. I’ve even seen it mentioned in Newsday!

Whoa, Easy On The Crazy, ‘Lost’ Fans – This is old now, since it’s been announced that Obama’s speech won’t conflict with the schedule 3-HOUR LIFE-CHANGING EVENT that is the Lost Season 6 premiere, but seeing the reactions is still hilarious.

Avatar: #2 of All Time in 20 Days – I don’t get it. Or maybe I do, since I paid for it.

What Should I Drink? Soda Pop Edition – First off, it’s not fucking pop. Secondly, I can’t even tell what the Mexican drink is at the very top. Either way, it’s still a cool chart, but I’m linking for all the other flowcharts also listed there. It’s scarily spot-on with me on some of them.

I think that’s enough for a first time around. I didn’t even prepare for this! I’ll actually save links for next week’s edition — if there’s an edition next week. You never know, I might be too tied up doing nothing.

Note: I really, really want to steal 3:10′s idea (oh wait, that’s the entire sports blogosphere idea) about combining the links with a hot chick — and have a slight twist on it. But I don’t think the chick would be happy. Nope, probably not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV7xIx_QqDo

Credit goes to Darko over at GAF.

In fairness to Lost, I feel similarly with regards to Battlestar Galactica. Most shows have a shelf life of a few years in my eyes, it seems. 24 is actually the show that held my attention for the longest while it was running. I watched it for 4 straight seasons (2-5), watching Season 1 in between 2 and 3. But now I’ve given up on that show, along with The Office. I think the internet destroys my ability to enjoy anything for an extended period of time. While my co-workers were awaiting tonight like the second coming of Christ, I could only manage half-hearted nods of agreement with their excitement, and tonight’s episode didn’t do too much to change my general apathy.

If you want a real post about Lost, just go to the A.V. Club. They rock.

But I used my propensity to lie in bed to take advantage of my 360 as a media center. Many episodes of golden age Simpsons were watched, with Homer at the Bat standing out. Man, that episode is so awesome.

Mr. Burns: Mattingly, I told you to shave those sideburns!

Homer: You’re Darryl Strawberry!
Strawberry: Yes.
Homer: You play Right Field!
Strawberry: Yes.
Homer: I play Right Field too.
Strawberry: So?
Homer: … Well, are you better than me?
Strawberry: Well, I’ve never met you, but… yes.

And of course the credits song:

Well, Mr. Burns had done it.
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scoscia’s tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile!

We’re talkin’ softball,
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin’ softball,
Mattingly and Canseco,
Ken Griffey’s grotesquely swollen jaw,
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We’re talking Hoooomer…
Ozzie and the Straw!

The most surprisingly hilarious quote out of all the episodes I watched had to be this one, though:

Lisa: Dad, what if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?
Homer: I’d say you’re a lying scumbag. Why sweetie?

Scumbag is just a hilarious word, and I was shocked by “scumbag” coming out of Homer’s mouth back in 1992.

Other than The Simpsons, I actually started up Lost again. I had given up a few episodes into Season 3 after realizing I wasn’t paying attention each week. I had watched Season 1 on DVD, and watched Season 2 on TV and torrent alternatively. I almost gave up halfway through Season 2.

Why did I start again? 1) I’ve heard that Season 4 is fuck awesome. 2) My entire office watches it, so instead of being totally out of the loop and wanting to kill people talking about it the next day, I figure I should catch up before new episodes start again — whenever that is.

I watched 4 episodes of Season 3, and I’m surprised I stopped watching. It’s not bad at all. I think this cements the fact that Lost is infinitely better in short-term viewing. Man, I love streaming shit to my 360.

Did I mention I slept in between all this TV watching? It was awesome.

I also did play some Team Fortress 2 as well, but not enough to unlock any of the new Heavy weapons. Maybe because I was too busy being a Medic to heal all the Heavies, or being a Pyro to run circles around them and burn their faces.

I’ll end with this cool little thing:

Go here and select Team Fortress 2 Signature. (Click on Steam Signature and there’s a dropdown box)