Since I passed out FOREVER after I got home from the game yesterday, and I’m actually writing right before the last game of the season, I’m going to keep this short. Johan is indeed God. You should all worship him. I will pay tribute by buying his home jersey as soon as possible.

After Josh Hamilton crushed 28 home runs in the first round of the contest, and thanked Jesus afterward, Reilly actually said “It’s a lousy night to be an atheist.” He had earlier commented on the whiteness of the participants. I’m pretty sure ESPN lowered his mic at this point. If ESPN didn’t need to honor the massive contract they just gave him, Chris Berman might have been given the word to eat him right on the spot.

It’s pretty ludicrous for Reilly to make such a comment — as if Hamilton being religious would sour atheists’ enjoyment of the show he put on. Unless it’s a bitter, pathetic atheist, I don’t think Hamilton thanking God after his spectacular display made unbelievers want to cry or get pissed at what Hamilton chooses to believe. Plenty of athletes thank God or Jesus on national television. Although, what made Hamilton stand out was the fact that he thanked Jesus even after he lost to Justin Morneau (who no one will remember winning).

I find it hard to believe that God or Jesus would care about a Home Run Derby, but maybe they wanted to give him a glorious moment, and at the same time keep him humble enough to not start doing heroin again. (Didn’t you hear? He used to take drugs, apparently.) Or maybe he is just a beast that ran out of gas because the Home Run Derby is a painfully long process that no one cares about once a dude has one ridiculous round of 500 foot bombs. Whichever one you care to believe in, I’m sure we can agree that Joe Morgan is a moron.

He picked Chase Utley to win “because he’s a good line-drive hitter.” What. WHAT.