I can’t believe this freakish-looking piece of skinny garbage. He just choked in the fantasy equivalent of Game 7 of the World Series (not to mention the real-life implications). I WAS WINNING ALL WEEK AND YOU BLEW IT. Since the Mets didn’t provide me with a last-day collapse for the third straight year, I guess my fantasy team had to fill in.

I went into the day leading 5-4 in my Head-to-Head league in the matchup for the championship. With extremely modest leads in R, HR, and RBI, I figured I couldn’t count on winning those categories, so I needed to start Scott Baker, even if he hurt my ERA lead. I figured he would give me some strikeouts and possibly a win — the category that was tied going into the day. I wasn’t even concerned about Lincecum. I figured he would give me a bunch of Ks, help my ERA, and also possibly give me a win. The only starter going for my opponent? Ubaldo Jimenez. A decent pitcher, actually, but I didn’t think he’d end up with as many Ks as Baker and Lincecum combined. Or end up with a win while neither of my starters did. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!

Why did you have to destroy my fantasy life, Timmy? After Baker put up a shitty performance, I still wasn’t worried, since I figured you’d at the very least give me the win for Ks. But no, you had to pitch 4 innings, let up 5 ER, and only notch THREE measly fucking strikeouts. Baker had five! And I didn’t even end up losing the ERA battle by much — 3.69 to 3.81. IF ONLY YOU SUCKED MARGINALLY LESS I HAD THE CHAMPIONSHIP LOCKED UP!! Fuck this shit, give the Cy Young to Adam Wainwright or Chris Carpenter. Just drop it in the Cardinals’ clubhouse and let them have a ping-pong tournament for it or something. Wainwright just had 10 Ks tonight. That’s a Cy Young award winner, asshole. I can’t believe I voted for you in my poll.

And anyone who wants to criticize me for starting Baker: Fuck you. I explained my reasoning, and besides — if I left him on the bench and he had an awesome start, and I had lost one or two of those aforementioned offensive categories resulting in an overall loss, I would’ve been kicking myself right now. It’s much more fun ripping apart Lincecum for the stupidest reason ever. What a fucking loser. HAVE FUN MAKING COMMERCIALS DURING THE PLAYOFFS, DICKWAD.