I’m still in shock. I just witnessed quite possibly the greatest Super Bowl of all-time. Adding up all the factors — the perfect season on the line, the Giants underdog storyline throughout the playoffs, Brady vs. the Mannings, and the fact that the game itself was absolutely amazing — I don’t know how anything else can stack up. I wish I was in the city to go insane with thousands of other fans. I’m not even a Giants fan, but it was a New York team going up against an undefeated New England team led by the Anti-Christ himself. Every New Yorker, and hopefully the vast majority of the country, was rooting for the Giants to smash Brady’s face in. And they most definitely did.

The Giants defense rattled Brady like no other team this season. He got hit at least a dozen times. He was throwing passes 5 years off target. He didn’t know where he was by the end of the game. They held the mighty Pats offense to 14 points. No one saw that coming, including myself. The Giants D-line was the MVP of the game, but I guess Eli deserved it for this play alone.

God reached down and slipped Eli free from that sack. He also provided David Tyree the stickum to hold onto that catch. I can’t describe how unbelievable that play was. One of the greatest football plays I’ve ever seen. It will be shown approximately 238929834 times over the next week, and I will never get sick of it. The new Immaculate Reception.

My friend Frank said that he knew the Pats were in trouble once Belichick showed up with a different hoodie. You don’t change your sweatshirt after 18 wins in a row. I thought the opposite when I saw that Peyton had shown up at the game. Superstition: it’s the baseball player in me. I’m kinda pissed I didn’t lay any money down on the Giants. I knew they’d cover the spread at the very least. Bah.

That’s about all I have to say on the subject at the moment. Not much needs to be said. The Giants just pulled off one of the biggest upsets in professional sports history. Eli Manning silenced his critics, me being one of them. The Patriots and Tom Brady’s quest for immortality was ruined. And Tiki Barber is left to eat massive amounts of crow and know that the Giants won a Super Bowl the first year without him. More than enough ownage to go around.

And yes, this website is hilarious: Perfectville

I wish I could see the video they made for the Patriots.

Just a little update on this spawn of Satan. I’ve noticed that my previous declaration of Tom Brady’s true nature has been by far my most popular post recently (no doubt with some help from Digg). I figured he at least deserved another post, considering his powers of evil have presented him with the opportunity for a perfect season this Sunday. Not to mention the events that have since transpired that only support my hypothesis: leaving his long-time girlfriend after getting her pregnant, taping other teams’ signs, and bringing together Yankees and Red Sox fans on the internet. Oh yes, I have seen it. Perhaps this fact is more damning of the scum involved, but some people are sadly too weak to resist the occult powers of Brady. It took me an hour to clean the projectile vomit out of my keyboard after seeing a virtual high-five between two fans of the aforementioned teams.

His powers have also reinvigorated Randy Moss, caused Defensive Coordinators to call timeouts at the worst possible times, and have turned the Red Sox into World Champions. Don’t let the Yankee cap fool you. That’s just him trying to trick the world into looking away from the truth. Hell, even the Celtics are trouncing the NBA. But even Brady knows not to waste his powers on the NHL.

I’m convinced that his loss to Peyton Manning last year was a sign of God’s intervention. God has taken the Manning brothers under his wing; it is fairly obvious that Peyton’s powers have been transferred to Eli this postseason. Brady’s fear of the newly-powerful Manning family most likely spurred him to make those Giants field-goal attempts go awry in the NFC Championship Game. But Brett Favre’s ineptitude was able to override his powers. I guess he couldn’t make THREE game-winning field-goal attempts go wide. Whether or not the Giants can slay the beast is just a matter of how well Eli can channel God’s power to combat Evil Lord Brady.

Do I think he can do it? Can’t say I’m counting on it. But I’ve been betting against the Giants this entire season. Hopefully they’ll continue to prove me wrong. For the sake of humanity.

I really can’t believe how well the Giants have played these playoffs. I wrote them off as first or second-round losers, easily. Eli has been playing superbly, which is something NO ONE could have predicted. Even his dad couldn’t watch the game because he figured the kid would fuck it up at some point. I think the Mannings can only have so much mojo as a family at one time…and this year it’s Eli’s turn. Brady vs. Manning again. Boston vs. New York. I would’ve preferred Good vs. Evil, but stuff doesn’t always work out perfectly. The fact that the Giants are doing this without Shockey is the most shocking (lolz) thing to me. But I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know football. I just know that the Giants are playing damn well and I think they have a good chance of playing a close game against the Patriots. Unfortunately, the Pats will almost undoubtedly find a way to win, but I just hope the Super Bowl is at least a close, exciting contest. It won’t match this NFC championship, but not many games do.

The emotional rollercoaster in the last 6-plus minutes and overtime was absolutely ludicrous. Tynes misses a go-ahead FG for the Giants at 6 minutes, then the Packers have a shitty series and end up punting and the Giants returner fumbles the ball, which leads to a ridiculous scramble that the Packers should’ve won, but didn’t. Then the Giants drive down a bit for a game-winning FG try with 6 seconds left and a botched snap leads to a shank from like 30-something yards.

Massive tears rolling down the tears of Giants fans. Then the Packers win the overtime coin toss. Brett Favre was being smiled upon. It was meant to be.

And then he threw an INT.

The Giants drove a bit again, setting up a 47-yarder. No way Tynes hits that, right? But he does. What the hell just happened? The Giants in the SUPER BOWL?!?? I still can’t believe it. Maybe the NFC really does suck.

On a side note, whenever I add an athlete’s name or sports team to the end of my IRC nick, they lose. I down to desperate measures here, so my IRC nick during the Super Bowl will be CajoleJuice_TOMBRADY.