Of course, as with any earth-shattering event, the rumors have been swirling and changing every 12 hours or so. It always seemed like LeBron was leaning towards staying in Cleveland, but then that disappointing exit in the playoffs changed everyone’s perception, apparently. Chicago became a real possibility. New York was always talked about — and living in New York has magnified it 100x for me. Miami was thrown out there. Even New Jersey and Los Angeles (Clippers) were mentioned.

I spent most of the day today with a chubby because the rumors were pointing toward New York. I tried my best to remain pessimistic, but I couldn’t contain my excitement. LEBRON JAMES A KNICK. I would have to get my Knicks crap back out of the closet. Cleveland would go back to being the most depressing city this side of Detroit. Chicago would have to settle for rewatching games from the Jordan Era.

But now the internet is exploding over reports saying LeBron is joining Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade in Miami. He already was inspiring this type of vitriol just by making such a big deal out of his decision:

It doesn’t matter where he opts to go. If he goes to Chicago, he’s a cocksucker. If he goes to Miami, he’s a goddamn cocksucker. Even if he goes back to Cleveland, he’s a goddamn cocksucker. He’s a self-aggrandizing sack of shit, and ESPN is a bunch of pussy-whipped enablers for giving him a free hour of airtime tomorrow night and inevitably using 55 minutes of it to let Stu Scott give him a rimjob.

So imagine how much people will hate him if he goes to Miami and forms an unbeatable Big Three? Here’s a taste:

Now, the Association looks like a joke, a place where three individuals have held seemingly everyone hostage. New York’s rebuilding is a sideshow. Prokhorov’s participation in Russia’s insidious spying mission in America is something to track tepidly. Who even cares what the Clippers do now? The whole league has been submarined by LeBron, whose hubris these last few weeks has been ugly and costly. Outside of Miami, who will be left rooting for LeBron, especially after his made-for-TV drama? An NBA diehard, I am so disillusioned. This doesn’t feel right or fun. This feels terrible.

I really recommend reading that entire rant, as it’s absolutely spot-on and demolishes LeBron much more effectively than calling him a cocksucker a half-dozen times.

As an objective observer, I really believe LeBron should stay in Cleveland and build his legacy there — but I’m not objective. I want him to come to the Knicks, even if he is a cocksucker.

- I had never seen “CAUTION: FALLING ICE” signs on sidewalks before.

- Chicago’s skyline is the only one in North America to rival NYC’s. It’s pretty damn impressive — but still inferior. Second City indeed. I wonder which city has a higher density of Starbucks+Dunkin’ Donuts, though.

- Every other apartment had massive wooden staircases that seemed integral to the structures. Didn’t they learn anything from that incident in 1871?

- Walking around a city in a suit and overcoat had to be the first time I felt like an adult since…nope, that had to be the first time.

- Law schools being located way off main campus is total bullshit.

- Wrigley Field really does look like the 96-year-old stadium it is. And I only saw its exterior from the L (elevated rail). I imagine seating inside it makes you feel like you are back at the turn of the century. Until you notice everyone around you has a smartphone.

- Chicago apparently still wants the 2016 Olympics, as I saw a massive banner for it. Someone needs to tell Chicagoans they lost.

- Fuck deep dish pizza and fuck Roger Ebert. I had some pizza he apparently rated four stars — almost as inaccurate as his Avatar review.*

- I must admit the massive heating lights in some L stations were a nice touch, but if there’s a BIG city that needs its public transportation to be underground, it’s Chicago. Although, it was not particularly cold or windy (comparable to NYC) while I was there. Lucky me.

- O’Hare Airport didn’t have free Wi-Fi. Guess which airport did?

- On the plane trip home, while surfing through JetBlue’s live TV offerings, I came across Fox News. It was Glenn Beck, and the first words out of his mouth were, “What, do we all have pixie dust that shoots out of our butts from time to time?” I turned it off immediately before he could ruin the moment by making sense.

- I am no George Clooney — then again, who is?

*Ok, the pizza wasn’t actually THAT bad, but I just can’t endorse any pizza that is more efficiently eaten with a knife and fork. New York pizza has EATABILITY.

And it’s also a shame that C.C. Sabathia finally broke down today. I picked the Brewers with my heart, not my head. Damn Phillies.

Oh, and the Rays beat the White Sox — not surprising news there. I guess I should mention that Evan Longoria is an absolute beast.

The only good series had a day off today.