I really started off with basic stats that everyone knows, but I eventually relented and started using the most hardcore baseball stats out there, because I figure the people who actually pay attention to these tweets probably know them. And if not, let me know.

Hit the jump if you want to see a fairly annoyingly formatted post. Sorry.

4/28

Prince Fielder: 14 SB, 9 CS. Robinson Cano: 19 SB, 23 CS.

This is obviously just to point out the fact that Cano should not even be trying to steal bases. He fucking sucks at it. According to who you talk to, the break even point for stolen base percentage ranges from 67% to 75%. Either way, Cano isn’t close.

4/29

Jered Weaver: 34 K, 6 BB. Felix Hernandez: 31 K, 12 BB. @waxinthaksin #alwest

This was just for the benefit of the Angels fan @’d in the tweet. This won’t last.

4/30

Jim Rice: 382 HR, .854 OPS. Jim Edmonds: 383 HR, .905 OPS.

And I didn’t even bother to bring in fielding statistics. Although I guess fear statistics would cancel them out.

5/1

Roy Halladay: 5 W. Roy Halladay: 4 BB. (Thanks for the idea, @310tojoba)

Unfortunately, Halladay now has more walks than wins. I don’t think the dream is dead yet. And by that, I mean him magically turning to shit.

5/2

David Eckstein: 35 HR, 95 wRC+. Vinny Castilla: 320 HR, 93 wRC+. (LOL 90s Coors Field)

This is just fucking hilarious. Vinny Castilla had five straight 30-HR seasons, with three straight 40-HR seasons in the middle of those. Yet the massive park factors and mediocre OBP makes wRC+ calculate David Eckstein as the more valuable hitter. I’m sure someone would look at this as an example of why sabermetrics are retarded.

5/3

Don Mattingly: 128 wRC+, 15 TZ. Keith Hernandez: 131 wRC+, 113 TZ.

Basically this post condensed to a tweet.

5/4

Pete Rose: 198 SB, 149 CS. Jackie Robinson: 197 SB, 30 CS.

Rose might have hustled, but it didn’t make him a good base-stealer. Still better than Cano — a guy who does not live up the player he was named after. Look at that efficiency!

5/5 (ok, 5/6 TECHNICALLY)

Mike Cameron: 1806 K, 265 HR. Ken Griffey Jr.: 1775 K, 630 HR.

I just found this really amusing. Cameron has exactly HALF the home runs of Griffey, yet a few dozen more Ks. And they are both center fielders. Seemed like a fun comparison to make.

5/6

Chase Utley: 2.3 fWAR, $15.3 mil. Ryan Howard: 0.1 fWAR, $19 mil. (fWAR excl. today’s game)

fWAR = Fangraphs WAR. I got the notation from Beyond the Box Score. And it says Utley has been absolutely insane so far this year. We all already knew he was better than Howard, but one month samples make it more fun to point it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Crw85HvIFs

Phillies 2012: A Look Ahead – MLB Trade Rumors gives me hope that the Mets will be able to win the NL East in two years. Hopefully by then Fernando Martinez will be in the OF; Ruben Tejada or Wilmer Floree, 2B; Josh Thole, C; and Jenrry Mejia in the rotation. I wonder if that last sentence was at all grammatically correct.

Ken Blackwell, Author Of ‘Blueprint,’ Tries To Convince Jon Stewart That Obama Is A Tyrant, Fails (VIDEO) – I’m just kinda embarrassed for this guy. He wrote a book and he’s not even able to back it up. At all.

Team Fortress 2: 119th Update! – I haven’t played TF2 for quite a while, but it’s easily one of my favorite games of the past few years, and it’s certainly one that keeps on giving. Valve rocks. I need to load it up just to get my GRIZZLED VETERAN medal.

The Chase is on – Adam Rubin lobby that Chase Utley is “poised” to take the title of Most Feared Opponent of Mets Fans from Chipper Jones. I’d say that already happened. My mancrush is only proof of how terrified I am whenever he comes to the plate. For an opposing player to already have unofficially claimed naming rights to a section of a stadium is just impressive.

Apple shutting down Lala music service – I thought Microsoft was supposed to be the evil company? Now I can’t stream the albums The A.V. Club reviews? Fuck you, Steve Jobs.

Blame The Superstar Syndrome – Why David Wright was getting booed. Or why Mike Francesa was saying to trade him a year and a half ago. Or why sometimes I end up talking about trading Jose Reyes.

Batman 3 Release Date Set – I was really tempted to make this its own post. But all I have to say is July 20, 2012. I hope it doesn’t suck; I don’t want Christopher Nolan to go out on a bad note before the world ends.

The ALCS is supposed to start tomorrow, but somehow I can’t see it getting kicked off, considering it’s been raining all day and the precipitation looks to continue for the next couple of days. So not only will my tennis lesson on Saturday be canceled — shut up — I might not have a game to watch that day, either. Not to mention it’s chilly as fuck for mid-October in New York. What the hell is up with that?

[Insert obligatory anecdotal GLOBAL WARMING IS BULLSHIT comment.]

My other baseball annoyance of the day was arguing with a Phillies fan about the MVP of their team. It hasn’t been anyone but Chase Utley for four years. Sure, Ryan Howard loves his HR and RBIs, but Utley does EVERYTHING — especially getting on base in front of Howard. I need to find out a way to look up how many times Howard hit Utley in. Baseball-Reference, don’t fail me now.

I’m sad that Fangraphs already beat me to this post, but I already had the idea in my head when I remembered the article. Yes, it’s only from 10 days ago, fuck you I’m going ahead with it. Albert Pujols might be the most insane hitter on the planet, and also the best player period, but Chase Utley is right there behind him. Utley might not be what you’d refer to as a “five-tool player”, but fuck if he doesn’t do everything you’d ever want a player to do on the baseball field. He even looks like an old-school baseball player while he does it. (a.k.a. white!)

Utley plays second base, a premium defensive position. Maybe it’s not quite catcher or shortstop, but it’s still a “fielder’s position.” Not only does he play such a pivotal position, but he plays it as well as anyone in baseball. At the very least, he’s been a top 3 second baseman over the past 5 years. You want UZR? His UZR/150 for the past five seasons: 17.1, 10.2, 21.0, 21.4, 7.7. And actually, that last one should be higher, because something is not right with Fangraphs’ formula. It should probably be closer to 9.0. But this is besides the point — the point is that Utley plays 2B better than you probably think. Maybe he should jump and twist and shout more, like Roberto Alomar.

Want more evidence? There’s a little site called fieldingbible.com and it utilizes a stat called plus/minus. An explanation straight from the site:

Video Scouts at BIS review video of every play of every major league game and record detailed information on each play, such as the location of each batted ball, the speed, the type of hit, etc.

…

A player gets credit (a “plus” number) if he makes a play that at least one other player at his position missed during the season, and he loses credit (a “minus” number) if he misses a play that at least one player made. The size of the credit is directly related to how often players make the play. Each play is looked at individually, and a score is given for each play. Sum up all the plays for each player at his position and you get his total plus/minus for the season. A total plus/minus score near zero means the player is average. A score above zero is above average and a negative score is below average.

Utley’s score from 2006 to 2008? +85

The next highest score at 2B? +58 from Mark Ellis

(More proof of Albert Pujols being awesome — his score was +82)

Baserunning? Utley has stolen 81 bases in his career while being caught only 11 times. That’s an 88% clip. Not to mention he’s a perfect 21 for 21 this season. Jesus Christ, he is good.

And now of course we come to hitting. We all know it’s the name of the game. It’s what makes an everyday baseball player famous 95% of the time. Either you hit a shitload of home runs or you hit for a really high average. That’s how you get into the Hall of Fame. Unfortunately, Utley really doesn’t do either. Sure, he averages 30 HR a year, but that’s not an eye-popping amount, especially in this era. And his career average is just below .300 at .298. He can’t be that good a hitter then, right? Wrong. (I apologize for that.)

Utley is a great hitter who every season hovers around a .400 OBP, hits 30 home runs and 40 doubles, drives in 100 runs, and also scores 100 runs. His OBP is helped by his massive amount of HBPs every season (over 20), but he does it without wearing some huge piece of armor on his arm — unlike Craig Biggio, that fucking pussy. The guy is good. He’s not Pujols or A-Rod, but he can hit. Over the past five years, his OPS+ is at 136. By comparison, the lumbering first baseman next to him who is such a “great slugger” is at 141. And that guy plays a shitty 1B.

Anything I missed? Fielding, baserunning, hitting? Check, check, check. Fucking? Maybe Jeter has him beat there. MVP = Most Vaginas Penetrated. That Deadspin comment killed me. Intangibles? Maybe Captain Intangibles still has him beat, but Utley does have a ring now, and he played though a hip injury for half a season. He also never talks shit or complains about anything, it seems. Admittedly, he did say “World FUCKING Champions” in front of a crowd no doubt including children, but I can gloss over that; the Philly-ness has to come out sometime. He just plays the game the right way, and I can appreciate that. I’m not saying he’s GRITTY or SCRAPPY, but he goes out there and plays the game, and plays it as well as anyone. Pujols does the same for the most part, but he likes admiring his home runs a bit too much. Fuck him.

I’m going to wrap this up with Fangraphs’ WAR evaluations. WAR = Wins Above Replacement, which basically tells you how valuable a player is over some regular scrub from AAA. Let’s just go straight to the numbers.

Over the past 5 seasons, these are the totals for the top six players/pitchers in baseball:

Pujols – 40.3
Utley – 37.9
A-Rod – 33.7
Roy Halladay – 30.2
C.C. Sabathia – 30.1
David Wright – 29.7

Yes, I made it six just so I could include Wright. What are you going to do about it? The WAR evaluation is obviously not an exact science — even Fangraphs acknowledges this — but it’s probably a good approximation.

Basically, Pujols and Utley own the rest of the league. Yet Utley has never finished higher than 7th in MVP voting during the same stretch in which two of his undeserving teammates have each won one. (For the record, Howard is at 20.4 WAR and Rollins is at 22.9.) Fuck sportswriters. If Utley continues on a regular career path, he’s a Hall of Famer. Hopefully all the old dudes who can’t get past batting average and RBIs are dead by the time he is eligible.

P.S. I still can’t believe Fangraphs did this article 10 days ago. FUCK.