If I’m going to make a blog post when the US beats Canada in an Olympic game, I have to be fair and make a post when we lose to them in the Gold Medal game. Were there any better hockey games in the Olympics than the two played between our two nations? That’s a serious question that no one that reads this blog can answer, most likely. Sure, I watched a handful of games, but not nearly all of them. But the US and Canada were clearly the best two teams throughout the tournament, and both games were hard-fought, absolute nailbiters that ended with explosions of ecstasy. One was sealed shut with an empty net goal flicked in by a diving American, while the other was ended by Canada’s golden boy, who is at this very moment no doubt getting serviced by three beautiful women of his choosing. And that’s not counting the gold medal girls — he pounded a few of those out in the locker room showers. Bastard.

But hey, I’m happy for Canada. They won the most gold medals and they closed out their own Olympics like a goddamn Hollywood script. Oh wait, then they had closing ceremonies with Nickelback. FUCK YOU, Canada. I wish we won — and gave Sidney Crosby a career-ending injury in the process.

Seriously though, that game was absolutely incredible to watch and might have convinced me to watch some Stanley Cup playoffs this year. I forgot how amazing hockey can be. Yet another sport I rather watch than soccer.

If I could make these GIFs myself with a TV tuner card, I would add one of the empty net dagger provided by a dive from Ryan Kesler. I say his name like I knew who he was before today. I didn’t know who Ryan Miller was either. Now the small audience who tuned into MSNBC knows him as the Canuck Slayer. So while 90% of Canada was watching this contest, in America it was relegated to the news network decimated daily by Fox News.

The other shoutout goes to Brian Rafalski, who scored two goals and set up a third. Basically Rafalski + Miller > Canada. Now I’m officially back into hockey — until America loses to Russia or something. But not until after Canada does, muahaha.