So one of my GIFs showed up on one of my favorite blogs this past week. One of my prouder internet moments, sadly. To think I peaked like two years ago getting linked by Deadspin. When I posted this news on Twitter, someone mentioned Breaking Bad GIFs. And on the blog linked above, someone also asked for Breaking Bad GIFs. Between those two wishes, and the Season 2 release on DVD next week, and Season 3 starting the next week, I decided to fill this void on the internet a little bit.

The show is easily one of the best on television. As I’ve stated before: Mad Men and Breaking Bad are basically 1A and 1B. And they compliment each other well, as one is set in a 1960s fantasy world littered with obscenely attractive human beings, while the other is a contemporary story following a middle-aged, dying high school science teacher whose life is as depressingly real as it gets — at least until he decides to cook meth.

You’ll have to hit the jump to check out the eight GIFs arranged in perfect harmony. I may have to fix the very first one, as not being able to make out some of the text is annoying the shit of the OCD side of me.

I find myself getting a bit too excited about this season. This shouldn’t be happening, considering the medical problems and accompanying confusion is seemingly already at full throttle. While Carlos Beltran recovers from surgery, Jose Reyes has an overactive thyroid — maybe. At least Francisco Rodriguez is out of pink-eye containment.

But the reasons I’m excited are the young players. That’s what gets any baseball fan looking to the future excited (you know, since this season is pretty much a lost cause). Ike Davis is crushing home runs and hitting over .500. Fernando Martinez is tearing the cover off the ball as well. And Jenrry Mejia looks ready to blow away big league hitters right now. Yet I shouldn’t be getting excited for this season due to any of that. One, it’s spring training, and barely over a week into it. Two, I’m pretty sure none of these guys will break camp with the major league team. And the one guy that seems to have the best shot — Mejia — I don’t want to start the season in the Mets’ bullpen. He needs to continue to develop as a starting pitcher, not only because that makes sense in any situation, but particularly because the Mets’ rotation doesn’t look like world-beaters going forward. The Dominican kid has ace potential, as evidenced by the stuff on display here. Please don’t fuck him up. Please don’t.

Meanwhile, David Wright seems capable of hitting home runs again, Johan Santana is not quite back in the pitching groove yet, and Oliver Perez still sucks. That’s all I’ve got at the moment. I just needed to check in.

If you need visual aid to prove just how perfectly this video matches up with the original, hit the jump.

I can only imagine how many hours this shit took to piece together.

This is something that should be on Adult Swim — especially since it comes from the creator of Frisky Dingo and Sealab 2021 — but unfortunately most of the original stuff created for that nowadays is godawful. But FX knows quality television when it sees it, so they made this shit happen. Arrested Development fans might be interested to know that the mother character is played by Jessica Walter a.k.a. Lucille Bluth. And she’s just as perfect as she was on AD.

Time for you to get your Hulu on. Now.

I had already seen a few of the nominees before the week leading up to the Academy Awards, and I didn’t really LOVE any of them. Avatar I’ve already written a post about. The Hurt Locker was good, but it just didn’t blow me away (get it?); I think Generation Kill should be the defining piece of Iraq War entertainment, especially since veterans have said how inaccurate The Hurt Locker is. District 9 was pretty good, but it features one of the least sympathetic protagonists I’ve ever seen — one that doesn’t grow at all — and yet it seems fairly obvious you’re supposed to sympathize. The shift into a full-blown action movie was also a bit disappointing, even if the action was very entertaining. Up was just another great kids’ movie from Pixar that adults can also enjoy and appreciate; they’ve perfected the formula so well it’s almost boring at this point.

I’ll expand my thoughts a bit more for the next six, since I just watched them, and that’s really the point of this ongoing post series. I watch movies, and then I talk about them. Pretty mundane shit, I know.

A Serious Man

Supposedly it’s a modern retelling of the Book of Job. I wouldn’t know. Either way, I probably would have voted this for Best Picture. And that’s strange, because I’m not even sure what to make of that ending, and I’m sure if you search the internet, you’d come across that sentiment a lot. But something about a man who’s just getting owned on all sides trying to figure out WHY, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME, and only being rewarded with inanity and stupidity and disregard resonated strongly with me. And I think it only truly works because it’s the Coen Brothers. There’s just something about the way they handle such tragedy that makes it at the very least bearable, but also sometimes extremely amusing to watch. And Michael Stuhlbarg in the main role as a creeping-towards-middle-age Jewish man who likes to reiterate that he “hasn’t done anything” is perfect. His breaking down on the phone was one of the best, most heartbreaking moments of cinema in 2009. There’s no way George Clooney deserved an acting nod over him for playing himself. Again.

Inglourious Basterds

In terms of pure entertainment value, there’s no nominee that has this beat. I’m sure there’s plenty of people who think Quentin Tarantino had a bit TOO much fun with it, and I can’t garner up points to refute that — but I know I had fun watching it. I think the opening scene and the scene in the tavern basement are as tense as anything in The Hurt Locker. And the ending is just totally. fucking. awesome. It’s the ultimate Nazi-killing fantasy.

Looking up the film on Wikipedia just now I found out that Tarantino originally sought Leonardo DiCaprio for the role of “Jew Hunter” Hans Landa. I think we can all agree that would have been pretty goddamn disastrous. Luckily, the role fell to Christoph Waltz, an actor that no one in America knew, and he fucking killed it — in four languages. I think he’s deservedly won every acting award there is.

The Blind Side

I guess I’ll start with a compliment: the movie isn’t offensively bad. There’s just nothing of note. It feels exactly like every other by-the-numbers feel-good story out there. Both its Best Picture nod and Sandra Bullock’s WIN are totally goddamn mystifying to me. What did Bullock even do in the movie other than call some tough black guy a “bitch”? She put on a blonde wig and spoke in a Southern accent. Oscar-worthy? I guess so.

Oh, and the black kid in this movie had the dumbest, most fucking annoying glum face on for 90% of the time. I wanted to take a lead pipe to his massive mug. I’ll just sit here and not talk like a big fucking retard. Oh, and I need my new white mommy to tell me what to do so I can be good at football DURRR. Jesus Christ.

On second thought, maybe the movie was offensive.

Fuck you, Academy, for nominating this piece of shit, which enabled me to convince myself to watch it.

Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire

Let’s just say this isn’t a movie I would usually be interested in, but I decided to allow this little blog post idea to expand my horizons. Now this is a good movie starring a big black teenager. Precious actually had some semblance of a personality, unlike the black kid in the movie above. She has dreams of being a star, shown in flashes after she gets knocked to the ground or against the wall in some way. She takes quite a beating over the course of movie. But I guess she’s a big enough girl to handle it.

Even though the awful situation and living conditions Precious had to grow up in seem so goddamn over-the-top and ridiculous, they feel more real than anything in The Blind Side. Mo’nique gives a great performance as her mother, and all the other roles fill out the world extremely well — even if they include LENNY KRAVITZ AND MARIAH CAREY WHAT. I went in expecting to watch a melodramatic piece of garbage, and it certainly can be a bit melodramatic, but when dealing with rape and abuse like that, it’s probably hard to avoid. I found a movie with pretty damn great acting across the board that doesn’t sugarcoat anything or come out with an especially uplifting ending.

Up in the Air

Oh hey, it’s another movie where George Clooney gets to have fun as a handsome, confident dude who can manipulate people very effectively. I’m not even sure what message the movie is trying to spit out, but I did enjoy it. I can hate on the Academy slobbering over Clooney, but I can’t deny that he’s entertaining to watch. He’s just so charming, isn’t he?

The movie does play with your emotions by alternating between funny and depressing and shocking, but I can’t find much fault with it. Managing to juggle comedy with laying off people is tough, and it works most of the time. I did appreciate one twist in particular. If you know me, you can probably guess. On the other hand, it’s hard for me to praise the movie too much though, after what I’ve heard about Jason Reitman, and how he’s pretty much the biggest douchebag on two feet. Between trying to take full credit for the screenplay, lying about writing parts for certain actors, and a massive sense of entitlement, he sounds like a spoiled Hollywood kid. Oh wait, he is. Maybe I should watch Juno so I can hate him for making that, since I’ve only seen Thank You For Smoking and Up in the Air, and thoroughly enjoyed both.

An Education

The shortest movie on the list, and easily the most intimate. If Precious is about a teenage girl getting destroyed by outside forces, An Education is about a teenage girl letting her own emotions get the best of her. What 16-year-old isn’t going to be enthralled by some man twice her age taking her the most cultured places she could imagine? Of course in real life, the older man wasn’t as dashing as Peter Sarsgaard — he wouldn’t need to pick up a schoolgirl after orchestra practice.

Carey Mulligan plays a giggle-happy teenager better than I thought any 24-year-old could. She is extremely cute and charming (as she is in real life, as evidenced by an interview I saw on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson), but also a childish innocence and that false sense of arrogance teenagers have. School is worthless! I want to travel the world with my handsome, worldly sugar daddy! Ok, have fun fucking up your life. Oh wait, all you need to do once everything goes south is then appeal to a teacher you horribly insulted and then study for a while for your exams and everything will be alright. I guess that actually happened, so I probably can’t rip on the ending too much.

But yeah, Carey Mulligan was robbed. At least the BAFTAs got it right.

A Disturbance In The Force – BURGER WARS. This would be the post the above graphic originates. The title comes from treating McDonald’s as the black McEmpire and displaying other fast-food places as different-colored pockets of resistance. I have no problem with making McDonald’s evil. Does anyone find it strange that Dairy Queen’s region of dominance is the coldest part of the country? Sure, there’s 5 feet of snow on the ground and the wind chill of -40, but I sure want a DQ Blizzard!

My Roger Ebert Story – Will Leitch recounts how he grew up idolizing the film critic, attended his alma mater, initiated contact with him, met and hung out with him, asked him for advice, and then turned on him with an article entitled “I Am Sick of Roger Ebert’s Fat F—ing Face.”

Jenrry Mejia Looks Like Jenrry Mejia – A plea to not turn the Mets’ #1 pitching prospect into a reliever. I agree with this. I don’t want the Joba fiasco to happen with the Mets. Keep him in the minors and let him develop as a starter and don’t bring him up until he’s ready to START.

Mets as Best Picture Nominees – This is pretty cool — I get to kill two birds with one link. Jose Reyes = District 9 and K-Rod = Avatar are the best comparisons.

8 History-less History Channel Shows – This list is just kinda depressing. Not that I’ve watched the History Channel in years. But that just means I watched more when it showed actual history. I’m not responsible for this, I swear!

Everything I Know About Japan, I Learned From Mr. Baseball – I enjoy linking to stuff that involves Tom Selleck.

Best Single Season WAR (without winning the MVP) – The required weekly link to a post featuring sabermetrics.

Valve’s Big Fat Hint: Steam for Macs? - I really need to dedicate a full blog post to this, but I might as well sneak this in here for now. This has been a big sticking point for me with regards to Macs. No Steam = no sale. Now what do I use as an arguing point?!?

Yet I have to admit that it has been the catalyst for much hilarity on morning TV programs, late-night shows, and of course YouTube.

That Australian had to know what he was doing.

If I’m going to make a blog post when the US beats Canada in an Olympic game, I have to be fair and make a post when we lose to them in the Gold Medal game. Were there any better hockey games in the Olympics than the two played between our two nations? That’s a serious question that no one that reads this blog can answer, most likely. Sure, I watched a handful of games, but not nearly all of them. But the US and Canada were clearly the best two teams throughout the tournament, and both games were hard-fought, absolute nailbiters that ended with explosions of ecstasy. One was sealed shut with an empty net goal flicked in by a diving American, while the other was ended by Canada’s golden boy, who is at this very moment no doubt getting serviced by three beautiful women of his choosing. And that’s not counting the gold medal girls — he pounded a few of those out in the locker room showers. Bastard.

But hey, I’m happy for Canada. They won the most gold medals and they closed out their own Olympics like a goddamn Hollywood script. Oh wait, then they had closing ceremonies with Nickelback. FUCK YOU, Canada. I wish we won — and gave Sidney Crosby a career-ending injury in the process.

Seriously though, that game was absolutely incredible to watch and might have convinced me to watch some Stanley Cup playoffs this year. I forgot how amazing hockey can be. Yet another sport I rather watch than soccer.

I’ve actually had the album — The Fall of Math — that this track is on for quite a while, but never gave it a listen. That may be due to it being in a random post-rock album collection I acquired at some point in time; I didn’t know any of the bands and never really gave them any sort of priority. But due to a tweet where I posted an Explosions in the Sky song, and a sort back-and-forth about the drums during the climax at the end, @waxinthaksin (Karakand on GAF and other places on the web) linked to this YouTube video, which pretty much blew my face off with its insanity in the middle.

Since then, I’ve been listening to The Fall of Math more regularly than I have any other full album in probably a year or two. No post-rock album ever grabbed me like this. I like quite a few Explosions in the Sky songs, and Mogwai ones as well, but their meandering softer parts sometimes bore me to death. 65daysofstatic is definitely a different type of post-rock band, and it certainly provides a nice soundtrack for playing Starcraft II.